Empty With You
by Dextris
Summary: Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist  Full Summary inside
1. Chapter 1

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

Ikebukuro was loud with noise just as it always was. Noise from people talking, and the cars going, along with many other minor things that were being done in the large city. It was a saturday night, which meant that more people were out and about doing things at this time. By looking at the crowds of people someone might guess that there wasn't a single soul sitting at home. There was always something to do here, and if you had nothing to do, the search for something was an activity in itself.

One of the many places that was packed on this evening was the bar, a place where a tall blonde by the name of Shizuo worked, barely managing to keep his job for a little over a week now. This was a new record for him, and when he first started he told himself that he'd make some attempt at trying to keep this job, if not for himself, than at least for his younger brother.

Most of his time on the job Shizuo spent getting way too easily frustrated when eavesdropping in on conversations, hearing things that pissed him off in one sense or another. If it wasn't that then it'd be some drunk giving him a hard time, in which most cases he had difficulty putting up with and took it upon himself to "lead" the person outside. [As most people in Ikebukuro could probably tell you, One does not wish to be "lead" outside by Heiwajima Shizuo.]

Today though, was different. Though the place was as busy as ever and the people were drunk as hell, he himself was calmer than ever, to anyone that looked took the time to examine him at least. In reality, the only reason he was so calm was due to the fact that Shizuo wasn't exactly "there". He'd just recently found himself sinking into depression, something he'd normally find pathetic in people when they complained about it. For what ever reason it was, his emotions had just dropped like a rock into this blank feeling he had now been suffering with for over the past few days. Shizuo found himselfin the constantly feeling of isolation, thinking that the people around him weren't actually there, but just background noise, and that while everyone else's days seemed to go by nice, his seemed dreadfully slow.

His shift today seemed to drag on forever, even though he'd only been there maybe an hour or so. Just looking around he seemed to be filled with jealousy at how cheerful all these people looked. Shizuo let out a sigh as he filled someone a drink and looked over at the line of people at the bar. They all seemed so unentertaining to him tonight, his mind completely weighed down with his emotions.

Shizuo's depression was more annoying to him than anything. Being conscience about the terrible emotion made him want to get rid of it, but the fact that he didn't have a solution to his problem, sent him into a small frustration. The choking air from all the smoke in the bar helped the bar tender to stay in his fogged state of mind, being completely clueless to the person that was sitting only three seats down from him the entire night. Shizuo kept himself distracted by cleaning out some glasses that were left behind some drunk. At the moment, he'd let himself zone out, while he running his finger along the rim of a cleaned glass, tracing the clear tone while his reflection shined in it, though distorted in an odd way that would make a child laugh. His mind wasn't exactly filled with any thought then, just blank, much like the rest of him.

"Oi! Another round heree!" Shizuo blinked out of his trance and groaned slightly at the wasted man that was calling him. He served his drink and then took a seat on the stool that was near the wall of drinks, deciding to give his feet a rest.

Throughout the night, he continued pouring drink after drink for drunk after drunk, threw some out the door, and was now finally glad to know that the bar was closing up until tomorrow. It was about time. Tonight's shift seemed to be annoyingly long for him, and he was more than ready to get home. All he had to do was put the chairs up and wake up any of the other drunks and lead them outside.

While working on one side of the room, turning the chairs upside down and ontop of the tables, his boss called his name from behind the bar. "Hey Shizuo.. Take care of that last guy over there and you can leave. We can finish up in here."

Shizuo nodded then, put up one more chair and walked to the other side of the bar, looking for who he ever so luckily got to throw out.

What he had expected to see was a stranger, that had more than most likely pissed themselves from their drunken state, or someone that was aiming to blend in with the hobo's since, nine times out of ten, that's usually what it was. Even if it wasn't one or all of the previously said things, THIS was not what Shizuo had expected to see.

In fact, it threw him so off guard, he had to do a double take when he DID see who it was. Not.. No. Bah, that rat would know better not to show himself in here. Approaching the man, Shizuo was then sure, that it was in fact, Orihara Izaya.

Oh how his blood began to simmer. Even in Shizuo's blank, empty minded state, some how this...this flea had managed to make him bite his tongue still.

Shizuo took in a breath, his nerves calming down instantly, in a sad way, his minor state of depression had given him a cooler head on things, even this he now found out. "Just throw him out, that's it. Leave him by the dumpster or something, it's rather fitting, to say the least.." Shizuo told himself. Once he was close enough to the man, he stared down at him, the slight red in his cheeks indicating that Orihara Izaya was, in fact, drunk.

For some reason, Shizuo didn't see Izaya to be the type to go out and get so wasted. He'd at least have enough class to be at a party somewhere, not at a bar. Still, a job was a job, and as much as it surprised him, Shizuo was honestly, going through no firey out of control rage that he normally experienced. He normally is supposed to attempt to wake any man and/or women up fom their sleep before throwing them out the door, but why would he pass this up?

Shizuo reached out, ready to swoop Izaya over his shoulder when the flea's hand smacked [or attempted to] his own away. Shizuo pulled back a moment, watching as Izaya stirred, turning his head and mumbling some horrible slur of words that Shizuo could barely make out to be "Keep your hands off me."

Again, this would've normally caused the blonde to snap and throw the brunette threw the metal door that indicated the exit, but Shizuo was stunned once again at this poor site displayed before him.

Tears? Is that what he was seeing? Orihara Izaya was actually...CRYING? Orihara Izaya was capable of such a thing? It.. It didn't seem possible. Could he really be crying? Out in public? At a bar? Not just any bar, but Heiwajima Shizuo's work? There was definitely something wrong with this picture here.

Shizuo stared at him for a moment longer, shaking his head and then again reaching out to him, gripping his shoulder. "Izaya." Was all he said.

The brunette lifted his head simply just to peer at whomever it was that had disturbed him before mumbling again, this time something Shizuo hadn't caught, and then let his head roll back onto the counter, knocking over one of the many empty shot glasses around the man.

Shizuo grunted, locking his jaw in place before calmly sighing out. "You are so lucky I want to keep my job.." He said more so to himself than Izaya. He reluctantly grabbed Izaya, throwing his arm around his neck, and carrying him out of the bar, letting his boss know he was leaving.

Alright.

He was outside.

Now what?

Shizuo looked down at the man that dangled off his side and had the idea of just dropping him off in an alley way, where he'd most likely be mugged and maybe even raped by some of the weird fucks that were out at this night.

But wouldn't that contradict Shizuo's sole reason of hating Izaya in the first place?

Shizuo thought a moment. He had to do SOMETHING with this little shit, and carrying him all the way back to Izaya's own apartment was too much of a hassle for Shizuo. He wanted to get home. He wanted to get to bed. He wished he knew someone that would allow a drunk douche bag to crash at their place.

Only place that came to mind was his place, that place.. Sounded like quite a good place to go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

Headache...Oh such a pounding headache..And what was that terrible noise? A blender? Every sound that went through the air seemed to split the brunette's head, like a drill driving into the sides of his skull. Izaya groaned, going to move his head, but feeling the pulsating throb of his headache say otherwise. Instead, he put his arm over his eyes and groaned. He would kill Namie for doing this.

After a moment of gathering himself, Izaya finally moved to an upright position, and could you imagine the look on his face when he found himself somewhere other than his lovely apartment?

He blinked.

Then looked around.

He was on a couch.. With a small blanket he'd never seen before thrown ontop of him and... Where in the hell were his clothes? He questioned this as he pulled at the large white shirt that had been lazily thrown on him, and God knows who's shorts he was wearing.

"Good morning Stranger." A well known voice dully rang in his ears. Izaya turned his head [rather slowly, as to not upset the pain in his skull] to see Kasuka, the faous actor and model, in the kitchen, stirring up a whole hell of a lot of noise with that damn blender going. It was a delayed reaction of Izaya to forget to connect Kasuka as Shizuo's younger brother, and when he did, nothing but panic ran through him. The brunette quickly checked himself over, making sure there wasn't some vital organ missing, or that he wasn't chained down for a future torture.

A small relief went through him before the throbbing pain brought something else to his attention. Oh, how he must've looked right now, in a panic over such a tiny greeting. In a matter of seconds, Izaya managed to regain himself, putting up his normal, mischevious mask that he always wore, while turning to greet Kasuka.

Kasuka was already staring at Izaya when he had met the young actor's gaze. "You look terrible." He said bluntly.

"Oh do I?" Izaya said with a slight mockery in his tone.

"I thought Shizuo had murdered you and threw you on the couch when I saw you this morning.." Kasuka then went on to pour his...blender contraption in a glass and sit down with it. Was it normal for him to speak as much as he had so far?

"Shizuo brought me here? I supposed it'd be best that I left then, before he wakes up. Do you-"

"-He's already up." Kasuka interrupted.

Oh how his gentle soft voice sent his brain pounding. Izaya really needed to get back to his home and seriously find some cure to this terrible hangover he had been ever so grateful to receive. Though he still found it quite puzzling that Shizuo, Heiwajima Shizuo, the man that tries ever so desperately to at least dent Izaya's body in some way through his ubsurd methods of throwing Vending Machines, and swinging important driving signs, had for some reason, not murdered Izaya, but instead brought him safely inside his home.

Was Shizuo suffering from a hangover as well...?

Izaya left the thought alone as he watched Kasuka gather things up before looking ready to depart. Well, hold on a minute. If Kasuka was leaving then who was Izaya supposed to ask for his things? Surely this kid wasn't expecting him to ask Shizuo. Izaya looked down again at the clothes he was wearing before looking at Kasuka as he headed towards the door, stopping by a small counter to write something out as a note for Shizuo most likely. He turned to Izaya and blinked. "I put your clothes in the wash... Whatever was in them is in Shizuo's room." He set the pen down he had been writing with and adjusted his things as he was ready to leave, pulling out large sunglasses as if to hide behind them when he stepped outside. With that, he turned and left.

Izaya looked down and bit his lip in contemplation. It seemed almost like his brother had set it up for him to potentinally be murdered in the event that these two humans met up somewhere in this house. Izaya let out a breath, the throbbing of his head draining any energy out of the man, even the energy to think it seemed.

If it were just his clothes, Izaya would've just left them here. [A small thought of picturing Shizuo having to constantly be reminded of him through his clothes seemed rather humorous.] But the things that Izaya carried on him, he'd rather not leave at the mad-man's house. That, and walking around in this outfit would just be humilaiting.

Oh, the effort it took into thinking of how to even get his belongings. Maybe, if Shizuo was in a good enough mood to carry him here [Or a drunk enough one] then he might be in a good enough mood to surrender the items to Izaya and let him leave in one piece. Now was not Izaya's week to deal with the brute, despite how much he usually enjoyed it.

Izaya finally gave up on devising some form of a scheme and sat back in the couch, rubbing his forehead. He felt like shit. He apparently looked like shit as well too. Did he really black out last night? He remembered stopping by for a drink.. Examining Shizuo for sometime, but he didn't really remember letting himself get carried away with the shots.

Obviously he had to of, if he felt this terrible. Rubbing his sockets, Izaya decided that maybe he'd just try to lie down again. He was going to have to talk to that thick-headed nimbisle eventually.

Just as Izaya was slowly resting his head down on the couch again [which was far from comfortable, compared to the couch he owned.] another presence entered the room, bringing a looming doubt in the pit of Izaya's stomach. Or maybe that was just last night's alcohol ready to come up?

In a matter of seconds, Izaya heard the whistling of the air, as something was whipped past him, a strong gust following it.

In a blink, Izaya saw that it was his clothes, now piled in a mess against the wall they had smacked against. 'Ah, That's right..' Izaya thought for a moment. 'Shizuo wouldn't think to chain me down for a future torture..'

"Alright, Izaya." Shizuo then made himself present, stepping in front of the man as he laid on the couch, eyeing his clothes and then Shizuo himself. "I've told you plenty of times to stay out of Ikebukuro, but now you fuckin' come to my work?"

"Shiiiizoouu..." Izaya groaned. "Please, your loud, booming voice is too much for me this morning..."

Shizuo gritted his teeth, appearing to Izaya that he was trying to keep his cool, where as in truth, Shizuo honestly wasn't as angry as he appeared. He just couldn't bring himself to the expected rage that he'd always reach around this man. "Don't. Avoid my question."

Izaya let out a small gasp as he clutched the side of his head. This had to of made the top for his worst hangover, and by far too. He looked up once at Shizuo and decided that he just wasn't in the mood for this pointless quarelling. "Where else do you expect me to get a drink, hn? If I had gone to fuck with you, wouldn't you say I would've done something last night? Made myself present at the least, hn?" Izaya stood from his spot and walked over to gather his clothes. [Though he'd never show it, his balance was incredibly bad as of now.] Once he picked them up, he turned to the tall blonde and sighed. "Are you holding my things hostage, or can I have them and leave?"

Shizuo stared for a moment at the brunette. This was so out of character for him. He didn't answer but instead held the other's stare. If it wasn't for the fact that Izaya had a hangover, Shizuo would've known right then that there was something definitely wrong with him. As if last night hadn't said so already, but Shizuo would never bring that up, because he knew it'd turn into a lost cause. Izaya wouldn't ever admit to anyone that he'd let a tear drop from those crimson eyes of his.

"Shizuo, I'm sure you want me out of here about as much as I want to leave. Let's be quick about this and you give me my things." Izaya stated, Shizuo noting that he wasn't even bothering with 'Shizu-chan', that Godforsaken name he'd always call him.

"Tell me why you were there." Shizuo stated, his voice in a calm tone Izaya wasn't used to hearing.

" 'There' ? I thought we went throu-"

"You don't expect me to believe that after seeing how you LOOKED last night, do you?" Shizuo interrupted. "Not to mention, You of all people should know of plenty of other places to go to get wasted at."

"Excuse me, but for starters, I wasn't out to 'get wasted', as you so kindly put it. And the rest is none of your business." Izaya said as he fidgetted with his clothing, checking the pockets to make sure nothing important had been locked inside after going through the wash. "I didn't expect you to be so interested about my personal life~ If anyone has the right to ask questions, I believe I'd have the first call."

"..." Shizuo watched Izaya before turning and walking towards his kitchen. Izaya's gaze followed him, wondering if he was going to gathering his things or not.

"I would hope you didn't hide my things in your kitchen." There was a moment of silence before Izaya rolled his eyes, wanting so badly to just drop this unnecessary hassle and just go home, make some tea and pass out with it. "...Well?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?" Was Shizuo's response.

"You're...Refusng to give me my things?" Izaya asked, ignoring Shizuo's comment.

Shizuo lit a cigarette and then took a seat by the table, noticing the barely drunken smoothie [Or...you know, whatever that was] that was in front of him. He arched his neck backwards to see the blender out and other assorted things and sighed. He could figure out where ever Kasuka had been with the messes he leaves behind.

Disregarding the mess, he pulled the cigarette from his lips and let out a cloud of smoke, looking forward to the informant. His crimson eyes were less alive looking then they typically were, he noticed. Maybe Izaya had found out he was dying and that was why he was there last night?

Highly Unlikely.

"All I want to know is why you were there last night." Shizuo finally spoke up, returning the cigarette to his lips.

"What am I? Your teenage son?"

"You're about as mature as one." Shizuo stated.

To this, Izaya couldn't help but chuckle. "Bah! Hah! You're the one holding my belongings hostage, but I've the maturity equivalent to a sex driven teen?"

"When did I state I was holding your items from you? You're more than welcome to look for them yourself." Shizuo stated, but with a threatning voice that took out the meaning of his words. "Just don't go through my shit."

"Ah, that leaves me so many searching options..." Izaya remarked sarcastically. He then let out a sigh, deciding to give into the blonde's demand just so he could get out of this place and back to his own home already. "If you really MUST know." He started, taking notice of Shizuo's obvious lack of the word 'flea'. "I was just having a bad day. Decided to stop by the closest place for a drink. I honestly had no intention to see you there at all." He said. "Now, if you please, my things?"

"..." Shizuo watched him, Izaya's hand held out as if he was carrying them on him for this sole purpose. He'd love to know what he meant by 'bad day', but in truth, it really wasn't any of his business. Shizuo was only looking to see if Izaya had wished to start something, but dispite the informant being a liar, he felt like he could actually believe what the thin brunette was saying.

That, or he just really wanted the damn man out of his house already.

"They're on the table, next to the couch." Shizuo pointed behind Izaya.

To this, Izaya nearly flushed. Had he really just been made a fool of? Turning his head, he confirmed that indeed..

He had.

Feeling his upper lip twitch at the rememberance of Kasuka stating that his belongings were in his older brother's room. That little-

"I put them there when I woke up this morning, figured you'd notice them, but apparently not."

Izaya held back the slight anger that went through him, and replaced it with a smile.

One of his infamous smiles that Shizuo hadn't seen all day.

"Well then Shizuo. I do believe it's my turn to ask a question." He let out a breath as Shizuo sucked in , the thick smoke of his cigarette. "Why'd you bother to carry me here last night? Why not just drop me in a dumpster where I'm sure you'd love to see me."

"Because if I had, then that'd just make me as low of a person as you."

"You expect me to take thhat as an answer? Really, I'm offended with how gulliable you think I am."

"Weren't you in a rush to leave?" Shizuo reminded him. "You have your things, if you're leaving, then get out."

"My, my.." Izaya taunted. "If You'll excuse me, I'd like to return these...materials of clothing back, and get into my own."

"Didn't need to announce it, go fuckin' do it and leave."

* * *

**A/N: **For WHATEVER REASON FanFiction decided not to publish my "A/N" in the first chapter, so some things were left out.. But I don't need to repeat them because I answered it in my head.

This story.. was originally supposed to be a short, simple porn shot, but like always, my mind decided to develop this wonderful plot that I'm quite excited to get into. Sad to say it probably won't get really interesting until maybe chapter...4? We'll see.

For the record.

An update the following night is extremely rare from me. It usually takes a LOT of motivation for me to write an update and post it in a reasonable time. [Seriously, I'm struggling with a previous one that was started almost 2 years ago now, but I WILL FINISH IT]

I feel like I'm doing a horrid job with these two characters, but I still like writing them w

Oh mai god I rambled..

Anyways, R+R for me pwease x3


	3. Chapter 3

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"Ugh..." Izaya groaned as he rubbed at his head. Even after a small nap, a kettle of tea, and a nice warm bath, his head was still pounding. He supposed that was his own fault for going out and letting himself stubbornly get carried away. He really needed to remember what he was doing next time and save the getting hammered for when he was within his own apartment walls.

Aside from the abnormal morning he had, the day had been slow and boring, Izaya having no later appointments and eventually having to send Namie home for the day (but not with out some form of homework, that is) causing these hours to slowly carry on, Izaya's headache pulsating to the flow of his blood and rhythm of his heart. The medicine he had taken before his nap wore off quite quickly, and Izaya now was just too lazy to go and retrieve more. That, and he liked to use as little medication as he could.

After taking the towel that was around his neck and rubbing it into his short and messy hair, he tossed it to the side and leaned back against his couch, taking a peek at the black computer screen he always found himself in front of.

He knew that if he went on it, it'd only cause his headache to grow, and on a day such as this, he doubted that there'd be any exciting news going through the sites he constantly visited. Still, an informant such as he, would never risk missing anything.

Standing up Izaya walked over to his computer, turning the monitor on, and letting the tower start up, then went into the kitchen to retrieve some pain relievers for his head. If he'd be spending any time on his normal websites, it'd have to be done without a headache.

As he returned to his swivel chair, he stared blankly as his homepage popped up, his eyes emptily staring at the URL bar. Where to go first..?

He decided on his usual routine and went on the dollars site. Scrolling through new forums and looking for anything interesting, nothing really caught his eye. He was almost hoping that someone would've posted something about spotting Shizuo with his "dead corpse" (as someone would've most likely taken the sight in as) over his shoulder last night, but there was nothing. After finishing his surf through the forums, he checked the chat only to find no one on. Big Surprise...

On a day such as this, you would think people would be browsing the Internet looking for something to do, but it seemed to be quite the opposite. Izaya let out a sigh, turning and looking out his large window, down at all the people that were out and about, chatting amongst their fellow friends. His eyes scanned over the crowds of human beings, the body motion of all of them so similar in ways, it was almost like they were programmed to do so.

Izaya's mind trailed off of the thought, his headache now virtually gone after the medicine finally kicked in. All the people below him looked so connected with at least someone else. Maybe that's what his life was lacking, a proper connection with someone.

Thinking it over, Izaya laughed at the thought. He already had that connection, and it was with the humans he loved so dearly. Even after telling himself this, it didn't seem to satisfy him any. It was such a one sided love, the relationship he had. Forever and always pouring his slightly off-beat heart into the work of all these humans, and not one of them ever returned such affection. No, he was approached by people in fear of him, or despising his existence entirely. It stung in ways, to try so hard to get to know so much about his people, only to be disregarded and pushed aside for his actions.

Drawing himself out of his thoughts, Izaya turned back to his computer and began to shut it down. Didn't seem like there was much else for him to do but go back and sleep. He needed a good sleep after the long week he'd been having.

Shutting off the lights in his apartment, he gazed one last time down at the city below him before closing his blinds and heading off to change and sleep in his bed for once in his life.

* * *

Shizuo blew out a cloud of smoke after pulling his cigarette away from his mouth. He stood outside, in the back of the bar, taking a quick cigarette break before returning back inside. He stared out at the shadow filled lot and let his mind wander in thought of how the day had gone.

Even though he had just seen the flea earlier this morning, it felt like such a lazy and calm day, it was hard to say he had seen him. Still, even with everything so calm, he couldn't help but feel that something was incredibly wrong. Maybe not with just the flea, but life in general. Sure, it could've been his depression speaking, but for the most part, he felt...scared wasn't the right word for it. He wasn't afraid, he was just anxious as to what would happen, because if there was one thing about Shizuo, it was that his instincts almost never failed him, and this one, was twisting at the back of his mind constantly, prodding him with the feeling of uncertainty.

He thought that it would be the flea that'd be behind what ever was going to happen, but thinking it over, he couldn't help but feel that whatever was going to happen, would be directed at the flea. Shizuo took a long drag on his cigarette and then flicked it to the ground, stepping on it to put it out properly as he exhaled the smoke. He took one last look out at the dark lot in front of him and then turned and headed back into the bar.

Whatever it was, he felt that it'd be something bad.

Shizuo worked his full shift, not getting home until at least three in the morning that night, and when he had, he'd just been about ready to collapse as soon as he walked through the door. He'd been so much more tired lately, and it was really making it hard on him to work this job.

Once he flicked on the light, he happened to notice a note for him he missed this morning that was by the door. He blinked, picking it up and reading it over.

_Leaving for a while, not sure when I'll be back. Make sure to take your pills. See you around. Kasuka._

Shizuo knew that he meant he was going to be out shooting again, most likely not having any time for a good 6 months to stop by like he last had. His eyes lingered over the second sentence (if you could call it that) hating that Kasuka felt the need to remind Shizuo. He set the note down back where he got it from and then walked into his house, wandering over into the kitchen. Shizuo opened the fridge door and scanned over the few items of food in there before closing it, not pulling anything out. He wasn't even hungry in the first place now that he thought about it. Shizuo looked over at the cabinet and stared at the wooden door for a moment before deciding against taking the pills Kasuka had so kindly made sure to remind him to.

It was just for one night, what's the worst that could happen? He'd just wake up and feel depressed, more so depressed than he did already. The fact that he was already on medication for it made him feel dependent and Shizuo hated the feeling. So instead, he walked past the cabinet that held his medication and went into his room, throwing off his clothes and crawling into his bed without throwing on any pajamas. So what if he slept in his boxers, he was tired.

* * *

Izaya never thought he was one that could be capable of having a nightmare, but for the first time since he was little, he experienced the worst one of his life that night. He couldn't put into words exactly what it was that he saw, or even remember most of it, he just knew that it terrified him. The repetitive darkness that seemed to attack him in his dream was all that his mind would allow to escape from the chimera he had. It was frightening, in a way that he couldn't describe. The feeling that ran through him was something Izaya hadn't felt in such a long time. It truly was fear that ran through him, and had woken him from his deep sleep so late at night. (or early in the morning?) His chest felt tight, his breathing was ragged, and for some reason, his wrist was killing him. Looking over at the clock he could see that it was just barely past three. After his eyes locked onto the clock, he was afraid to tear them away and have the dark envelope them. Instead, Izaya returned to the inner 3 year old that had been kept inside him for 21 years and pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face into them and some time between hyperventilating and crying, he pulled his blankets over him as if to be a shield from what he just experienced.

It was one thing to frighten Izaya, but for him to be in a state such as this, one could only look at him and feel some form of fear for the outrageous behavior they were witnessing. Izaya had lost any and all of the masks that he held deep within and now the thought of appearing bizarre to anyone, or anything for that matter wasn't even running through his head.

He took in a sharp breath, and attempted to calm down his nerves as flashes of the horrid nightmare returned to him. He could feel the darkness suffocating him, grabbing for his throat and trying to desperately choke all of the air out of him.

Izaya shut his eyes tightly, pulling his legs as close to him as he could get them to. He Rocked slightly, not realizing just how foolish this was. He took in a shaggy breath, counting to himself. "1...2...3." And on three he shot out of his bed and flicked the switch, bringing a light into his room. As if that had only taken a small relief off his shoulders, he immediately dashed into his hallway and turned on that light too. Then the kitchen, and the stove, the living room, the oven, and yes, even the bathroom light.

Once he was sure that every light was on in the house, he moved to his couch, and sat down, once again pulling his legs to his chest. Izaya stared blankly at the floor for some time, the ticking of some non-exist ant clock ringing in his ears. Tears were no longer falling, but they were still damp on his face. His breathing had settled, but it was still a bit jumpy. Izaya took in one huge breath and then closed his eyes, calming himself down. He looked around, as if to find that damn clock that was ticking so loudly, but found nothing, and brought his eyes back downward.

Izaya was trying to not think about the nightmare he just had, but it was so fresh in his mind, it was the only thing that was running through it. Though it seemed like an old memory at the same time, since so many pieces were missing from it. It was just darkness he remembered from it.

Trying to take his mind off of it, Izaya pulled out his cell phone and looked for any new messages of some sort, but there was nothing. It was then that Izaya discovered one thing about him that was always there, but was just now brought to his attention.

He really hated being alone.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews guys :3 The Chapters are going to probably get longer from here on out, and longer updates as well. Surprisingly though, another update in such a short time~ And guess what? I got spell check going for me finally, so hopefully there won't be as many ridiculous mistakes as in the previous two chapters. I feel like I jumped it a bit here, but at least it's not boring? Or is it? wa R+R I need to stop my author ramblings..


	4. Chapter 4

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"Izaya...?" A faint voice was slightly breaking into the subconsciousness the pale man was trapped in. He currently was induced in a trance like state, balancing between the point of sleeping and being awake. "You've got to be kidding me..." The voice trailed off in a mumble before the sound of heels tattered into his head as his mind tried to put together what it was his ears were picking up. The noise to pull at his mind to wake up, but he was leaning towards his state of sleep too much that the noises went un-noticed.

The clacking of heels returned, and after a moment, a nudge on the shoulder. "Izaya." The voice pulled him away from the sleeping zone, and tried to pull him into waking. "E-ZAI-YA." It sounded out, yanking him from the depths of blackness. Blinking his eyes open, Izaya attempted to pull himself awake, but his mind tugged back at him. The thick smell of crushed beans was what seemed to rub his eyes open. That and the steam that traveled with the smell warmed his face. The voice that had been calling out to him sighed, before giving his shoulder another nudge, finally succeeding in waking the man up.

Izaya shook his head, rubbing his eyes and pushing his hair back from his face as his mind attempted to register what was going on. He let out a yawn as he stretched slightly, blinking before taking in the woman that was holding out a fresh mug of coffee towards him. "Ah..Thank you.." Izaya mumbled, his words quite hard to understand.

"Th..thank...you?" Namie repeated, as if it was a word she had never understood before. To this, Izaya realized his mistake. Come on, he just woke up, couldn't the lady give him a break? Instead of correcting himself like he most likely would've done, had his been at it's normal thinking level, he took a sip of the fresh coffee. Mmm, just the way he hated

Again, instead of making a fussing scene over it, he merely set it aside, and then stretched out his body, straining his legs as some joints popped satisfyingly. Izaya smiled after the refreshing stretch and then let himself sink into the sofa after wards. Namie stared at him curiously for a moment, before brushing off the odd behavior and moving on with life. "Do you have a unbreakable habit of throwing money out of windows or something? This is really ridiculous, even for you, Izaya." She started, pouring herself a mug of coffee and dropping in appropriate flavoring.

"Mm? I do believe I have no idea what you're talking about." Izaya stated after a long yawn.

Namie glanced over at him, then picked up her mug of coffee and moved towards her work station. "Really? I had to shut off every light in this place when I came in. And why are you on the couch anyways? It's normally your desk I find you sleeping at.." She sat down at her desk and immediately began working.

Izaya looked down at himself and then shrugged. "You know..." He trailed off, looking over at his bedroom door. "I honestly don't remember. I must've decided to take a break and just passed out." He then took another sip of the coffee beside him. Bleck. "Why're you so interested in where my money goes?"

"Well, if you don't have money, I don't get paid. I assume that's enough reason for me to be curious."

"Touche." Izaya chimed, standing up. He motioned towards his room, after stopping into the kitchen to pour out the coffee that Namie had just made for him. He'd come back and make it his own way later.

Once in his room, he shut the door, and flicked on the light, even though it wasn't really needed with the natural light in there already. He motioned towards his closet, examining what his possible choices for outfits were for the day. After pulling out some clothes, he did a double take of himself in the mirror and nearly shrieked. No wonder Namie seemed so confused by him this morning, he looked HORRIBLE. Izaya let out a small groan as he realized a shower was much needed. There was no way he would be able to go out in public like this, and today, he was in the mood to show his face around to the humans he loved so much.

He felt slightly awkward having to take a shower with Namie in the house, when he normally had them out of the way before she even arrived, or at times, after she left, but he was in dire need of one now, so dealt with the awkwardness.

His mood had been more than happy just before he found himself in the bathroom. He twisted the knob to the shower, letting the water spew out, with a few hacking starts, and then adjusted the temperature accordingly. It was as if as soon as the water hit his body, a rock just dropped on his emotions though. Izaya felt..down for lack of a better word, and had suddenly lost all desire to go out and do something. He was so in the mood for it just a moment ago, but now as he washed away the ugly from himself, he seemed to wash away the desire as well. Still, he had already made the plans in his head, so he was going to stick to them.

Izaya pulled a towel over his skin, and then ruffled it through his hair after he had gotten out. He looked at himself in the mirror now, seeing a significantly better looking face staring back at him, though his eyes were still dragged down with a barely noticeable bag. He sighed and then pulled out his toothbrush dropping it as a pain shot straight through his wrist. Izaya winced and gripped at it, the pain seeming to bubble up inside his veins it felt. It was a type of burning that seemed to be digging it's way through his system, trying to crawl further up his arm, but after a moment of a locked jaw, the pain finally subsided and he released his arm, staring confused at his wrist.

What the hell was that..? Izaya didn't think on it any longer and instead continued cleaning himself.

Today, was in fact a terrible day for Shizuo. Oh, he should've listened to Kasuka through that damn note. Instead, he also stubbornly decided that he wouldn't take those wretched pills this morning either. No, he was going to prove that he didn't need that stupid medication to improve his own emotions. He'd show he had self control, and that he didn't need any kind of foreign substance to flow through his veins and force his mood happy.

Though today, he could've really used it.

It... It wasn't like anything really DEPRESSING happened, but he was just so. Damn. Depressed. Everything was so negative to him, and he felt negative, he felt ANNOYING. Shizuo wished he could have pulled himself into two people, and have one of him beat the living hell out of the other so he'd shut up about all these damn negative thoughts.

Sure, no one else could hear what he was thinking, but Shizuo knew that they could feel the waves of negativity emanating off of him and were avoiding him all together as to make sure they weren't dragged down with the strong, powerful emotion.

Or at least, That's how he saw it in his mind.

As Shizuo tried to decide what to do with himself this morning, he truthfully wanted to laze around the house all day, but he could FEEL the horrid emotion growing inside his chest the longer he laid there, and the more time he spent thinking.

He knew he should've taken the pills when it first started growing, but instead, he stubbornly walked past them and decided all he needed was a nice walk around the town. Yeah, that'd do it, take his mind off things.

In doing so, it did nothing but provide him with fresh air to fuel his thoughts. Then, doubt and second thoughts about every other person the blonde walked past.

God dammit, he needed a fucking cigarette or something. After the thought crossed his mind, Shizuo immediately pulled one out from his vest and lit it, taking in a long drag. Ahh. A little better.

Even then though, it barely took away from his depth of thinking.

He felt like his thoughts sounded like a whiny 15 year old PMSing female. That sounded horrible to deal with in itself to him. Shizuo took in more of his addicting nicotine and tried to plea for something, ANYTHING to at LEAST distract him from his feelings, if only for a moment.

Then, as if someone had been listening to his thoughts, and decided to deliver to his request, a horrid, aggravating voice rang in his ears. "Shiiizzzuuuuu-chaaannn~!"

Oh, lovely. If he wasn't depressed, he was pissed. Wonder which he'd rather have.

Shizuo cocked his head to the side, taking in none other than Izaya, casually stro- No. Wrong word. Not "casually" because his stride was too abnormal to be casual. It was more with a hop, a cockiness, that was it. He continued with the same motioned just described and eventually found himself within kicking distance of Shizuo. Or no, Shizuo was in kicking distance of Izaya, since Shizuo's legs were so much longer than the raven locked boy.

Shizuo seemed to inhale the rest of his cigarette as he clenched his jaw tight before growling almost at him. "Why is it that you, no matter where I go, are always there to ruin my day?"

"Aweh." Izaya let out in a sigh. "I'm hurt, Shizu-chan... If it were the other way around, you'd always be making my day." Izaya winked at the man before Shizuo rolled his eyes and turned away.

That's right.

He turned. Away.

Away from the man that could barely finish a sentence before having the threat of death spat at him.

Izaya didn't like that.

"Mm?" Izaya blinked, taking a step forward to follow the blonde.

"Today, is not the day Izaya." Shizuo bluntly stated.

"Ah, but Shizu-chan~ Yesterday couldn't have been the day, nor could tomor-"

"Izaya." Izaya's lips curved up into a grin. Here it was! The big Bang! The explosion of anger!

Shizuo hadn't turned with that horrid anger burning in his eyes, but instead, kept walking.

Um, Wait, what? Was Izaya's taunting really being IGNORED? Izaya blinked, honestly, and genuinely shocked. Baffled. Almost at a loss for words. ALMOST. "Yes?" Izaya pushed. He would get this man to explode, and he knew he would. It was too easy, too predictable, but SO enjoyable. Not to mention, he really needed to get his blood pumping and push out the horrible feeling that dropped on him earlier.

But, his voice was met with silence, along with Shizuo walking away. Away from his taunts, and away from Izaya's one quick means of escape from his emotions. It was at that moment, Izaya thought.. maybe something had gone wrong with the blonde? If that were the case, how had he not already known about it? He always knew about EVERYTHING and was always the FIRST to know, if not close. So.. What the hell was up?

"Aw, Shizu-chan. You shouldn't be like that. I only wanted to thank you for your hospitality." Izaya smirked.

Shizuo then flicked the dead cigarette to the ground, not caring to stomp on it, but kept with his pace forward. "Ah." Was all the blonde responded with.

It started to drive the other man crazy. Izaya stared after him for a moment, trying to decide on whether or not to follow him. Deciding before he really came to a logical conclusion, he caught up with Shizuo. Something was wrong, and he'd call him out on it. If that wouldn't piss him off, he didn't know what would. Well, he did but...Never mind.

"Ah, Shizu-chan..." Izaya leaned in closer as if to examine the man's face while they were walking. "Your face is so sad today.. Something must've happened."

"Yeah, I ran into you." Shizuo spat, shoving past the informant and trying again, to get away from him for the day.

"..." Izaya was quiet for a moment before sighing. How boring this had turned out to be. He was waiting to see if anything else was going to happen, but after realizing it wouldn't he began to turn away.

"Izaya." Izaya blinked, turning his head and cocking it to the side slightly when Shizuo called him.

"Hn?" He responded.

"What happened to your wrist?" Shizuo pointed, his eyes looking down towards Izaya's left forearm.

Izaya blinked, raising an eyebrow before examining it himself. Hiding his slight surprise when he noticed a more than obnoxiously nasty bruise seeming to trace his veins, he merely blinked. "huh..." he mouthed to himself before taking his index finger and lightly brushing along the skin only to flinch when he took in ho much it hurt. He turned back to the blonde who was eying him and then stuffed his hands in his pockets. With a smug grin he shrugged and began to turn away. "Couldn't tell ya."

Shizuo watched as the smaller man walked away, before for some reason, he felt the need to examine his own wrist. Looking over it, there wasn't anything out of the ordinary there, a couple scratches from who knows what. Most likely from everything he'd normally be throwing around with that man in distance, but again, who knew?

That really was a nasty bruise though... Shizuo noticed it when Izaya first got close to him earlier, but it wasn't until the fact that Izaya was non-chalantly showing it that perked him to ask about it. How could you get a bruise that bad and not know where it came from? Or even notice it for that matter?

"Stupid Flea..." Shizuo mumbled under his breath as he went on his way to go back home. So much for trying to feel better.. As much as Shizuo didn't want to, he knew as soon as he got home the first thing he was doing were taking those fucking pills.

* * *

**A/N: **Ah, this chapter was a bitch for me to write. D So many writer's blocks...Seriously, I went and re-watched the entire Durrr series just to try and sprout some idea as to what to do with these characters. The only thing I learned was that Izaya REALLY needs to shut up. He talks SO MUCH. xD It's ridiculous. I never noticed the first time around b/c I was busy trying to understand the show..Ah, oh well. Still love that man.

I would really love to just jump all this boring intro crap and jump right into the main thing, but, I can't. Fail Update. I was hoping that this one would be so much longer.. I just couldn't keep myself writing, seemed like a good spot to stop.

I'm hoping to have a weekly update going on with this. So, EVERY SUNDAY 8D I will try dearly to get a new chapter up. I love your reviews guys 3 Do me a favor, and yell at me if the writing's getting weaker.

**-End Rant. R+R**


	5. Chapter 5

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"Graahhhh..!" A pain, tingling, and strong, coursed through the veins that ugly bruise was lingering over, not stopping for the next wave of pain to follow. "Gah!" Struggling, and on the verge of screaming, Izaya was sprawled out on the floor of his room, palm tightening around his tiny wrist as he held back another urge to yell as more pain flew through him. His breathing was ragged, and he had even began to break out into a cold sweat. It wasn't so much that this bruise was excruciatingly painful, but it never stopped. It woke him up in the middle of the night, and sent a burning sensation up his arm before seeming to disperse into nothing with the next pump of blood his heart sent through him. Izaya drew in his breath and then held it, snapping his eyes shut tight as he tried to squeeze the sharp sting from his veins, leaving a more than noticeable red mark that would most likely be there for the next few days.

Izaya let out a hard gasp, his eyes snapping open as he flung his body about, kicking his leg into the closest thing next to him. After knocking down numerous items that were on top of the night stand he had just kicked, Izaya finally let out a scream, his nails digging into his skin as the pain got sharper and sharper. Izaya's skin went pale, and his eyes fogged a bit while his breathing jumped in pace, skipping chances to take in air.

This bruise, it hurt... And it hurt badly. He felt like the word 'bruise' wasn't even the right thing to word it as, but looking down at it, that's all it appeared to be. Albeit a rather deep and unnatural one. Again, Izaya found himself holding his breath as he tensed his muscles, biting down hard on his bottom lip. When on earth was this torture going to _end?_ With another pulse, the pain went through him again, choking more gasps form his throat.

Izaya started to take in sharp and unsteady deep breaths as his vision began to blur into black. He struggled for a moment and then felt areas of his body slowly go numb before his mind followed as well and he collapsed to the side.

* * *

Half a tablet of this, a whole pill of that, two a day for this, and then proceed to drown yourself in so many side effects, your day continues on without any difference before you took the medication. How did they ever expect people to remember to take all of these damn, shitty, fat hunks of chemicals in one day? Now, Shizuo really didn't _need_ as many pills as listed, but the fact that the instructions in taking them were so complex to him, it seemed like it might has well been.

After taking what he needed, he examined the bottle for a moment and then tossed it off to the side, most likely to be forgotten about until a desperate search for something would bring it out.

Shizuo sat down on his couch and flopped his limbs all over the edges, resting his head back against the top of the couch and sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment, his lids burning from the lack of sleep he'd been receiving these past few days. He assumed it was most likely one of the many side effects that his prescribed medicine provided him with.

It felt nice to let his eyes rest for a moment, but he pulled them open once again and looked over at the clock. It was still early in the day, but as far as he remembered, he had nothing to do today. Not that this was anything new for him as of lately. People just didn't seem to want to be around Shizuo when he was like this. Was he really that annoying to be around while he was depressed?

Shoving the thought into the back of his mind, Shizuo grabbed for the remote, aimed it at the television and clicked it on, watching whatever channel that had been on last. This was always a good way to distract a person from their own thoughts..

Though his eyes were focused on the picture displayed in front of him, his mind hadn't been distracted. In fact, it seemed to be the only thing that was functioning properly with him at the moment. Shizuo bit his lip when he felt that familiar twinge of loneliness surge through him. His eyes started burning more than they had just a moment ago, and his throat felt clenched. Shizuo's whole body felt empty to him, but extremely heavy at the same time.

Snapping himself out of his emotional trance, Shizuo almost growled at himself. "I thought that damn medicine was supposed to stop this!" He yelled out loud. God, he had been getting so frustrated with himself lately. Why couldn't he just... You know, not feel like this anymore? He felt like at this rate, the next time he saw Kasuka, his little brother would some how manage to get the blonde into therapy if he didn't start to show signs of improvement.

Therapy didn't sound like it'd be good for him, or the therapist. Talk to someone about how he felt? Pay a butt load of money to someone that'll just say what you want to hear? Yeah, that was only going to piss Shizuo off and then the therapist would be dealing with something way beyond their control.

Looking back to the TV, Shizuo grabbed the remote and began clicking through channels, stopping on random ones for moments, and then switching the channel again. Eventually, he gave up and clicked it off, tossing the remote beside him on the couch. Shizuo puffed his cheeks up, making a rather silly face to himself, before letting it out in a puff, deciding to get up and go outside for a smoke.

After looking all over the place for at least ONE cigarette to smoke, Shizuo gave up on his search and decided it'd be better to just go out and buy a new pack. Shizuo tried to come up with a small list of things to buy so that he wouldn't have to make a long trip for just cigarettes. He decided on just going out and buying on impulse this time as he stepped outside.

As Shizuo made his way into the heart of Ikebukuro, he started to feel a little bit better with himself. It was probably those meds finally kicking in, but who knew? He continued on, fidgeting with the inside of his pocket as his crave for that nicotine was starting to really hit him. Shizuo turned a corner and walked into a small convenience store for his cigarettes.

He immediately pulled a stick from the package and lit it, inhaling the smoke happily. Who cares if this was bad for him, it was relaxing to him. Shizuo smoked the cigarette like it was the last one he'd ever have and continued on with this self-indulging shopping...Which in the end resulted in nothing but the purchase of alcohol. Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to buy, but he was going to make sure that he was able to sleep through the whole night, even if that meant waking up feeling like shit.

* * *

Pain. Pain, pain, pain. Oh it wouldn't LEAVE. Izaya couldn't count how long this had been carrying on for, and frankly, he was going to lose his mind if it didn't stop sometime soon. After blacking out in the middle of the night last night, he woke up this morning with his ears ringing and eyes fuzzy. He didn't get up right away, but instead laid on the floor, examining the items that had been tossed onto the floor after his thrashing about. Izaya had then remembered that horrid pain and instantly wanted to return into his slumber. Looking up towards his wrist, he could see the purple bruise, along with the reddish purple one he had given himself after clutching it so tightly. He could faintly feel that pain from last night, and was afraid to move at all, thinking that the pain would return to him.

Izaya eventually pulled himself up, trying to move his wrist as little as possible. The first thing that Izaya went for was the medicine cabinet. He knew that the pain would be returning sometime during the day, so what better way to protect it, then to take the medicine before it came? Izaya reached up for the cabinet door and pulled it open, taking out the bottle of fast relief pain relievers, and popped two out of the bottle. Without taking water to swallow it down, Izaya plopped them into his mouth and swallowed them, setting the bottle down and making his way over towards the couch.

He sat down on it, closing his eyes and leaning back into the sofa for a moment to gather his thoughts. He had a couple of clients to meet with today, but it wasn't a busy day. He was trying to decide whether or not he should cancel them, or hope that he wouldn't go through another episode while they were here. Izaya looked over his wrist, almost grossed out with how nasty and noticeable his bruise was. Where in the hell did he get this from anyways? The only logical reason that he could've received such damage, would have to be from Shizuo, but if he could recall correctly, Shizuo had noticed the bruise and questioned it before Izaya even knew it was there.

Still, it's not like Shizuo would really remember where on earth he'd damaged him anyways, seeing as how he'd be in such a rage spasm, the thought wouldn't occur to him. Besides, that wouldn't have been something that Izaya wouldn't have noticed anyways. Maybe Izaya had passed out while Namie was still here and she had injected him with something that would slowly kill him.

The idea wasn't impossible.. But Highly improbable. Namie was smart enough to know not to pull something like that.. There was also the chance that one of Izaya's many enemies had paid Namie off to do it too... What was he talking about? If someone wanted Izaya dead, he was sure they would not let him live more than 24 hours and so far, he's had this bruise for a day, maybe even two for all he knew.

Flopping his arm off to the side, Izaya groaned, using his other hand to rub at his eyes. Even though he'd passed out after his episode, and slept through the night, he still felt like he didn't get a good nights sleep. Getting up, Izaya motioned towards his computer to check his schedule for the day. Looking it over, he saw that he had roughly an hour or so before his first client would stop by, and then most of the day to himself before he'd have to go out at night and meet up with his other two. He supposed he would get through the first one and then see how he'd hold up during the day before deciding whether or not to cancel the last two.

Izaya decided to kill time by hopping on the dollars website, finding Taku online when he entered the chat. He greeted the boy in the normal tone that he did when impersonating a female on the site. While talking to the boy, he'd learned nothing new, or found any grounds for him to take the opportunity to pull some strings and mess with the child. Instead, he found himself at a loss for words for the most part, something he definitely wasn't used to. After a moment of a dead conversation, Izaya leaned back in his chair, staring blankly at the screen. He bit the side of his lip in thought and then looked over at the desk Namie normally worked at. Had he given her the day off...? He didn't remember.

Izaya decided after a couple minutes of a blank conversation, to just get off and find something else to occupy his time with. He said his goodbyes to the kid and then logged off, setting his computer to sleep and then leaning back in his chair. That had killed a good half an hour or so, but he still had time to sit and do nothing. Oh this day was going to be a long one..

After making it through his first client, Izaya had decided that he'd be fine for the later two, and, after making it through both of them, he was now on his way home. Once he was done with his first guest, he'd taken more pain relievers so that the other ones didn't wear off. He'd like to think that the medicine was what had kept the pain away, and not just the fact that it wasn't there. If it really wasn't there, he'd hate to find out that the medicine didn't work for him at all.

On his way home, maybe just before he'd gotten to his apartment, he felt small surges of the pain flow through him, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. Izaya almost rushed to get back into his apartment, hoping to stop the pain before it could get to him, but to his surprise, it subsided as he walked inside. His place was just as he left it, but it seemed...Rather dark to him.

Izaya found himself turning on all of his lights again, before pulling a quick-cook meal out of his fridge and throwing it in the microwave like the directions said to do. He never really ate at home much, but he'd bought quick things to cook for nights like these. Izaya didn't really realize how hungry he was until the smell of the pre-prepared food was starting to drift through the kitchen area. Once the microwave went off with a ding, Izaya spun to it and pulled out the food in the flimsy plastic container and took a fork to mesh up the food together. He blew on the food before bringing it to his mouth and eating it. One of these days, he was going to treat himself to a damn good dinner with real food.

He stood at the counter eating his food, glancing over at the clock and deciding that it was a bit late to hop in the shower. Izaya brought the fork to his lips again, giving a slight blow on the food before going to eat, but felt his arm tense up with the surge of that pain again.

He didn't move for a moment, hoping that it'd pass like it had been doing all day, but this time, it only surged through him in a higher amount of pain. Izaya winced a bit as it shot through him again, and eventually dropped the fork against the counter, throwing his arm down with it, and clenching his fist together. Again, the same pain from the night before, was now surging through him, ripping through his veins while Izaya struggled to keep his mind on something else.

Izaya found himself holding his breath again, and before he even registered it in his mind, he was already clutching at his wrist again with his other hand. Out of a fury of pain, Izaya let out a groan of pain, before lashing his bruised-free arm across the counter, and flinging the food across his kitchen, the fork clanging against the tile ground.

Izaya spun around, and dropped to the floor, tensing his muscles as he tried to pull himself away from this hurting sensation that traveled through his body, and tingled down his spine. He let out a harsh breath and locked his jaw tight, trying to hold back the screams that he wanted to let loose so badly. Izaya thrusted his foot against the fridge that was in front of him and then rolled over on his side, some of the food that was on the ground now sticking to his clothing. He tried to release the grip he had on himself, but just as he did, more pain struck through his wrist, and he clenched onto it tighter, his eyes lazily looking around at the kitchen floor. He didn't know how much longer he'd be able to put up with this. Izaya made a mental note to go and stop by Shinra's at some point in the future to have this damn thing checked out. Maybe he'd know something about this damn thing.

Izaya struggled, and thrashed around a bit, eventually letting out a few screams here and there and throwing his body across the floor numerous times. He eventually slammed his wrist into the counter's ground post and in an odd way, it took away from the pain. He'd lost any will to think straight and was trying desperately to get out of this horrible agony that he was dealing with. Something... ANYTHING to make this go away.

Before Izaya understood what he was actually doing, he found himself with the fork from his meal in his hand and after a thought even went into his mind, he slammed it down into his wrist, screaming, and throwing himself backwards as if he'd just woken up from a nightmare."Ehh...Ngggahh..." Izaya's voice seemed to be broken as he stared at the now bleeding wrist that was pulsing painfully, and now stinging, and burning. He dropped the fork on the ground, before letting out a loud scream, and clamping his hand over his new wound, not even noticing that the pain he'd been experiencing had gone away due to the pain he was now in.

Izaya looked around his kitchen, his thoughts slowly coming back to him as he realized that he really needed to do something about the bleeding. "Ah..." he breathed out, pulling himself off of the floor, while blood trailed down his arm. He grabbed the kitchen cloth and pulled it over his wrist, then made his way towards his phone. Picking it up with his free, red hand, he speed dialed a number and then sat down on his couch, putting his wrist in-between his knees to keep pressure on it.

He'd just stabbed himself with a fucking kitchen utensil, and barely remembered doing it. Izaya's skin was pale, and slightly sweaty, his voice cracking when someone on the other line picked up. "Shinra... I need you over here fast.." he clicked the phone off before the doctor could say anything and nearly collapsed onto his couch as he flopped over.

* * *

**A/N:** Hah.. Is this a day early, or a whole week late? xDD Yeah, totally love that I can't make my goal the first update I plan to. In my defense, I was busier than hell this passed week. Well, well. this story, it's finally getting interesting right! 8D Eh xDD I probably could've done better with this chapter, but I wanted to get an update on here. I'll try to stick to my Sunday rule, but I doubt it'll happen. Who knows, I'm finally getting to the part I've been really wanting to write 8D

Review for me please x3


	6. Chapter 6

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"Heh...Ugh..." Izaya breathed out, his mind trying hard to pull him into unconsciousness. He refused to let himself fall asleep, assuming that his illegal doctor friend was on his way over as he lulled back and forth.

Izaya's eyes rolled backwards for a moment, his vision fizzing to black as he groaned, trying to blink light back into his eyes. With his eyes closed, he felt the slight chill of a breeze run down his neck, swearing he heard a faint whisper with it as well. Izaya first ignored it, but it happened again, and then for a third time, he opened his eyes, and looked around him. Blinking, Izaya let his eyes travel upwards, towards the second floor, noticing immediately that the lights were off when he knew he'd just gone through the house and turned everything on. Izaya stared into the dark upstairs, his eyes frequently tricking him into thinking something had moved up there.

"Tsk..." Izaya snarked, getting frustrated at whomever it was that was fucking with his mental state of mind. On any other day previously, he would've marched confidentally up those stairs, flicked the lights on, and perform a thorough search of the place. Sadly, whoever it was that was fucking with him had already succeeded in giving the man a slight fear of the darkness.

Izaya heard a drip connect to the floor and looked down to see the kitchen rag soaked with his blood. He really hoped he hadn't stabbed open a vein when he spazzed out earlier. Izaya closed his eyes and breathed in through his nose, exhaling deeply afterwards. He just needed to stay calm, that was all. Whatever damage he had done to himself, that damn slow ass doctor could fix up as soon as he got here...Maybe even turn on the upstairs lights too.

Izaya started to let his body fall on its side on the couch, the light headed feeling in his head not going away. He continued to focus on his breath, ignoring the creepy whisper that crept into his ears much like it had earlier. Without knowing it, he was clutching tightly onto his shirt, his bleeding wrist in between his legs. Izaya's mind was playing tricks on him, throwing odd noises his way, causing him to snap his eyes open and quickly scan over the apartment to see where it was coming from. There had to of been a window open somewhere that was causing this noise.

Izaya's eyes scanned the whole place for at least now a third time. After getting frustrated with these ridiculous noises, Izaya snatched up the remote from the table in front of him and clicked on the TV, turning the volume up as loud as the speakers would allow. The noise provided some comfort, making the place seem less empty, but it didn't stop him from worrying. Squeezing the rag around his wrist tighter, he let out a sigh and rested his head against the couch. A moment later, Izaya's heart jumped slightly at another noise. 'Clack', 'Clack', 'Clack'.

Izaya's body seemed to be frozen as he heard it again, almost afraid to turn and look at what he might be met with. After hearing it for a third time, Izaya's shoulders slumped when a voice followed afterwards. "Helllllooooo...?" And again, another clack.

Izaya wanted to smack himself for honestly being afraid of the sound of a door. He turned his head towards the door and let out a breath, giving himself a minute to try and stand up without falling over. He eventually made it to the door, unlocking the many locks he had on it and pulling it open to be met with a not-to-happy looking Shinra.

"Sorry..." Izaya mumbled as he stepped aside to let the doctor in.

"If you really were sorry, you would've let wh- Izaya! What did you do!" Shinra flailed, his eyes locking onto the bloodied rag. He immediately set his bag down and had helped Izaya into a seat nearby. Shinra then dug into his bag, pulling out numerous utensils, and setting them on a towel he brought with him. "Are you still bleeding rapidly?"

"I don't know.. I don't think so...?" Izaya stated, peeking underneath the cloth as Shinra snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. Shinra pulled the cloth off of his wrist, his eyes widening slightly to the unexpected damage on the man's wrist.

"What...Did you do...?" Shinra mumbled, looking at the rather curious bruise he had. Izaya looked down to see that he was, in fact, still bleeding. He shrugged, and turned his head to the side, deciding to change the topic away from the possible embarassing revelation of how he stabbed himself with a fork.

"Celty isn't with you?"

Shinra was in the middle of pouring a liquid substance onto a ball of cotton, merely glancing over at Izaya. "She dropped me off, said there was something else she had to do-This is probably going to sting, by the way-She should come by once she's done."

Izaya's body tensed up when Shinra began to clean up the wound, the substance burning and seeming to attach itself onto the open flesh. "Ah.." Was all he responded with. After Shinra had finally gotten the wound to at least slow down in its bleeding process, he looked at the marks fully, brushing his thumb over Izaya's wrist slightly, only to pull back when he noticed his forearm tense up to the touch.

"This...is really a peculiar gash you have..." Shinra found his eyes focused more on the odd bruise than the puncture wounds.

"Yeah...I..." Izaya cut off, feeling humiliated about his stupid decision. Shinra noted this, but didn't say anything and instead asked something else.

"How'd you get this bruise?"

"I have no idea.."

"Hm..." Shinra applied some other gel like substance onto his wrist, and then proceeded to pull out some bandages to wrap it with.

"It hurts like hell though..." Izaya added. "I...can't take it at some points..."

"So you stab yourself...?" Shinra concluded. "You're lucky you barely missed a vein..And that Celty was ever so willing to take me over here at such a late time of the day, other wise you might've bleed to death..."

"Eh.." Izaya breathed out. He looked down at the now banadged wrist and was glad he didn't have to look at that ugly thing anymore.

"..." Shinra eyed his friend for a moment, not liking the attitude(or lack thereof) that Izaya had. "You know..." Shinra started, going through his bag once again for things to leave behind for Izaya. "That really is an interesting marking..."

"What's so interesting about it?" Izaya asked.

"It's under your skin...Most bruises are towards the top layers of the skin, like the one that begins to wrap around your wrist—due to you clutching it I don't doubt- but this ones...much deeper down than that..." Shinra trailed off, putting a finger to his lip in thought.

"...And? Is that abnormal...?"

The doctor cut out of his trance and then put a smile on. "Only as abnormal as you are."

"You flatter me."

Shinra let out a small chuckle before throwing away the items that he had used in the trash bin by the kitchen. He looked down at the mess that was there, taking note of the fork on the floor, along with the food that had been flung all over the place.

"In all seriousness..." He started. "I want you to call me if you ever start feeling an odd pain of some sort.."

"Odd pain as in what?" Izaya asked rather demandingly.

Shinra cocked his head to the side, looking the informant broker over. "Izaya...You're acting really out of character...It's worrisome."

Izaya 'tsk'd and turned his head to the side, ignoring the medic's stare.

"...Is there something else going on that you're leaving out...?" Shinra decided to ask. After all, even if that bruise was odd, it shouldn't be anything to cause this man to react the way he was. Or perhaps this is just how Izaya was when he wasn't getting the sleep he should be right now.

The informant looked over to Shinra, for merely a split second, his crimson eyes seemed to shout out for Shinra to help him get through what ever it was that was tormenting him as of late. Izaya thought, for a moment he was going to tell Shinra the paranoia he was going through, but then thought over how he'd been acting and knew that the man would only just laugh at him. "...No."

"Don't lie to me now." Shinra said in a rather motherly tone, crossing his arms. "I can't help you out any if you don't tell me whats been going on. Shizuo didn't do that to you did he?"

"Shiz.." Izaya cut off, blinking at the rememberence of the man. Did he really forget about the blonde this whole time? Izaya rubbed his eyes and then shook his head. "No.. No, it wasn't him."

To this, Shinra's face seemed to grow in worry. If it wasn't from the blonde then that could only lead him to believe he'd received this during a meeting of some sort with a drug lord perhaps. Drugs, that was another possibility to the bruise now that he thought about it...but Izaya wasn't one to do drugs.

Giving up on the loop his mind was taking him, Shinra sighed and decided that he'd just have to trust Izaya(as much as those two words don't belong together) and hope he'd tell him eventually. He stared over the man, not liking the exhausting look that was showing, not to mention the lack of color in his face. He looked around the apartment, and then back to Izaya. "You should probably get to sleep now shouldn't you?"

Izaya's eyes shot up towards Shinra, and then towards the upper floor. "..Y-yeah..." Shinra smiled a bit at noticing the slight hint of fear the other had in having to climb the stairs.

"What? Are you afraid you won't be able to make it up the stairs?" Shinra said, grabbing Izaya's attention once again. "Just lie down on the couch tonight, I can go grab you something to sleep in if you need it."

Izaya thought for a moment, wondering if he should tell him the real reason why he didn't want to go up there, but then decided it had to of been all in his head and nodded. "That'd be nice.."

"Mm." Shinra hummed, turning and heading up towards the stairs. Izaya's eyes followed the others movements intentively, while peeking into the shadows as well. He found himself holding his breath when Shinra moved out of view. He still stared at the enterance towards his door, as if his eyes could somehow provide Shinra with a means of escape if there was someone up there. A creaking noise pulled his attention towards his front door, relaxation overcoming him with the recognition of Celty. He didn't greet her, but merely responded to her wave with a nod.

She made a motion like she was looking around the place then turned to Izaya and cocked her head. Izaya just pointed upstairs. "He was doing me a favor."

Celty stepped in to the house now and made her way towards Izaya, taking a seat next to him and pulling out her phone. "_Did Shinra help you out?" _

"Mhm." Izaya said, holding up his wrist and showing her the nice work he did.

"_That's Good. Nice to see nothing too serious happened."_

He stared at her for a second, before turning his head and looking down at the ground. He half wondered if she would think it to be serious if he showed her what was under the bandage.

_"You look exhausted."_

Izaya read the message and wanted to respond with 'that's an understatement' but decided not to. "Eh. Must be the stuff Shinra gave me kicking in."

Celty seemed to think over what she was going to put before typing. _"I wouldn't put it passed him. Hopefully that means you'll get a good sleep then."_

"Hopefully..." Izaya repeated, just as Shinra came back from his room, shutting the door behind him. He came down the stairs, his face lighting up at seeing the dullahan.

"Ah! Celty-san!" He set the clothes down near Izaya and happily gathered his things. "I hope I didn't make you wait!"

"She just got here.." Izaya spoke for Celty. He stood up slowly, and picked up the clothes that Shinra grabbed for him, and then turned towards the bathroom.

"_Well then," _ Celty held out her phone. "_Looks like we'll be leaving then._"

"Izaya," Shinra started as the two were heading for the door. "I left some things for you in case of an emergency..."

"I saw that, thanks." Izaya said rather blantly, taking the meaning out of the words with his tone. After the door clicked shut, his eyes trailed from the door down towards his wrist, biting the side of his cheek in thought.

* * *

There wasn't anything in Shizuo's line of vision except a blinding white. Ringing ears, and the faint scent of what could only be described as 'fresh' enveloped what he could understand. The white slowly formed into a shape...A figure..A male one at that. Long, thin arms, covered in white sleeves moved, bringing the thin, boney, index finger towards the mans lips, ones that Shizuo instantly recognized, but failed to give a name. The lips were thin and lightly pink, the nails of the fingers painted a bright neon pink, a faint melody humming in the background. The lips moved in a 'hush' motion, before those boney fingers, traveled down towards the mans other arm, grabbing at the fur trimmed sleeve and lifting it up to reveal a pale, milky forearm, with a marking on it that moved, and distorted like black clouds. As the marking continued to swirl about on the mans skin, the faint humming grew into a loud, ear peircing scream, the vision bursting away into black.

Shizuo shot up in a jolt, taking in a gasp of oxygen as he slowly recollected himself. He relaxed for a moment, rubbing his eyes. After shaking off the odd dream, he looked over himself, seeing that he'd passed out on the couch, after downing about half the bottle of alcohol he'd bought. Shizuo let out a yawn, stretching his arms out, and then deflating back into a slouched position, a slight throb going through his head.

He sat for a moment before realizing just how nasty he felt. Looking over at the clock, he noticed he had about four more hours before he'd have to be at work. When he planned to pass out through the night, he didn't expect it to take him through the day as well. Eh, at least it killed the time that would've gone by horridly slow.

Shizuo pulled himself off the couch and walked into his kitchen, opening the door to grab the pills he needed to take, only to find them missing. Oh yeah, that was right.. He threw the bottle somewhere. He sighed, looking back into his living room to try and remember where he tossed the damn thing. Moving around pillows and papers, along with numerous other things, Shizuo found himself growing irritated with the search, taking one of the pillows and slamming it back into the couch. "Where the fuck is it...?" He groaned, getting on his knees and looking underneath the sofa.

Spending a good amount of time on the search, Shizuo finally found the bottle, on it's side off in the corner of the room. How it got there, he had no clue, but he found it at least. Taking out the needed amount of pills, Shizuo capped the bottle and put it in the cabinet where it should've been. He swallowed the pills down with the help of water and then went off to take a shower.

Turning the knobs and adjusting the temperture to his liking, Shizuo stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the warm water, letting himself almost instantly relax. It felt nice to wash away the filth that he'd gather on him the previous day. He closed his eyes to let the water run over his face, the picture his eyes took on was that of the marking he saw in his dream. Thinking back on it, he seemed to lose himself in the way the design swirled around, almost like it was some kind of hallograph hovering just above the mans arm in his dream. He hadn't ever had any kind of dream as strange as that one before. Sure he had weird ones, most of the time with things that dealt with fighting off abstract monsters that were some kind of relation to the last form of creature he'd seen, but other than that, it'd never been so...questionable.

Shizuo wouldn't have spent another minute on the dream, had he not made a connection to something himself. He slowly opened his eyes at remembering a similar mark as the one in his dream on Izaya. "...huh.."

That would explain why he saw that in his dream...but it still seemed a bit weird. Shizuo stared blankly at the tiled wall and wondered if they had some kind of connection in someway. Pushing the thought out of his mind, Shizuo finished up cleaning himself in the shower, and turned the water off. He stood for a moment, wipinng his hands over his face with a groan.

He reached out and grabbed the towel from the towel rack and proceeded to dry himself off, wrapping it around his waste after. Shizuo flicked the fan on to help clear up the misty mirror and then stepped out of the bathroom, crossing over to his room and pulling on one of the many clean bartender outfits Kasuka provided him with. He got lazy half way through dressing and left his vest open, along with not tieing the bow tie around his neck. He flopped backwards onto his bed and grabbed a cigarette from his bed post, leaving it in his mouth without lighting it as he stared up towards the ceiling. That feeling he had from before started to creep into the back of his head again. That feeling that something _really_ just _wasn't_ right. Trying to think on what ever it was though, Shizuo was always drawing a blank. This time though... If his dream hadn't weirded him out so much, he wouldn't have thought it, but..

Shizuo pushed himself off the bed and buttoned up his vest, throwing his bow tie off to the side and leaving the collar of his dress shirt unbuttoned. He flicked his lighter open, igniting his drug and flicking the lighter away, stuffing it in his pocket. If he didn't get some kind of conclusion as to what this stupid gut feeling was, then it was most likely just going to grow.

Shizuo had to go and visit that rat to see if he was getting this same feeling.

* * *

**A/N: **Oh look, a quick update~! Consider it a gift for taking longer than I said on the last update. I got lazy with this one in editing, so, bear with me on all the grammatical errors. Izaya's parts are so looong and then Shizuo's are so shooort xD I apologize to the Shizuo fans. This will soon be fixed P Chapters are getting longer 8D Is anyone as excited as I am about that...? No..? Okay... ._.

Also.

Shinra.

UGH. I hated you D I had SUCH a miserable time trying to get his personality right and I STILL didn't even do too good of a job.. Then Izaya had a stick up his ass the whole time.. Bleh. Not too proud of the dialouge in this one, BUT AT LEAST THERE IS SOME! [I feel like I used hte word 'after' a lot...did I?] 8D Anyways, Responding to reviewers for once this time xD [I've been meaning to everytime actually, but forget D:]

((_Replies to chapter 5 reviews:))_

_closerdistance: :'3 Oh you over-compliment my writing x3 But thank you~! I hope my Shinra wasn't painful on you ._._

_Lo- I'm glad you like it. Makes me feel encouraged~_

_Christine- Yeaaaaahhh, you're not gonna like me then xDDD Because I'mma semi be pullin' it out a bit.. You'll know at some point though! And it won't be at the very end either! Because I hate that!_

_Overall note: I totally love all of the "poor Izaya" comments xDD Makes me second guess all of the stuff that I might do to him in future chapters... _

Reviews make me really happy. They motivate me to write more. Please Review, and Favorite/Alert it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

Shizuo clenched his fists together as he paced quickly through Ikebukuro and over into Izaya's territory. He had a cigarette burning between his lips, and his sunglasses on, doing his best to try and keep himself calm, because he knew that damn flea wasn't going to give him any form of a direct answer. He tsk'd to the thought and continued on his way towards Izaya's apartment.

Shizuo stopped outside the building, and peered up towards the window that belonged to Izaya's room, seeing if he could maybe catch a glance of the man, but didn't see anything. He stepped inside and made his way towards the elevator.

Shizuo took the time to knock when he got to the door, but after not being answered, he kicked it open, not in a patient mood. His eyes scanned the room, and his face dropped slightly when he noticed how...destroyed it glanced around, taking in the broken items that had been thrown across the floor, along with a dirtied rag lying by the counter. Shizuo slowly walked in, half expecting the flea to jump out of nowhere, but noticed a pair of feet hidden behind the kitchen's counter and walked over there.

His cigarette dropped from his mouth as he moved down towards Izaya's body, trying to get a look at his face. He took his hand and reached out towards the other's face, trying to gently pull it towards him, but jumped backwards when Izaya let out an ear-screeching scream, throwing his elbow towads the blonde. Shizuo watched as Izaya curled up into a ball on the floor. What in the hell was going on...?

He concluded that there wasn't any way he was going to get anything out of Izaya in this state and tried to help him. Yes, help the flea.

This time, Shizuo was better prepared for the other's reaction as he slid his arms under Izaya's legs, and around his shoulders. He didn't scream, but his whole body tensed up when Shizuo touched him. He was able to pick him up off the ground, but found himself surprised again when Izaya's head lulled against Shizuo's chest, revealing how pale he'd gotten, and how worn out he looked.

Shizuo carried the man over to the couch, setting him down with his head against the arm rest of it and then knelt down next to him. He stared blankly at Izaya's face, then let his eyes trail over his body, taking note of how heavy he was breathing and that he was clutching his wrist. Shizuo could barely see part of the bruise that he'd come over here to ask about, and reached out to try and pull his other arm off of it.

When he touched Izaya's arm, Izaya jumped, letting out another scream, and pulling away from Shizuo. "Don't FUCKING TOUCH ME!" Izaya yelled.

Shizou scrunched his eyebrows together, completely confused. He let out a breath as Izaya's body shivered, turning on its side and facing away from him. "...Izaya."

He didn't get a response.

He really wasn't sure what he should do, he definitely wasn't used to seeing the black haired man in a state even close to this. It was obvious he was in pain, but the fact that he was letting it show scared him almost. Shizuo sat there for a moment, biting his tongue in contemplation. Should he just leave...?

He sighed, standing up and pacing around for a minute. He then looked around the apartment and blinked. Why on earth did he have all these lights on? Shizuo shook his head, not even bothering to think about it and went back towards Izaya. "Hey." He tried again. This time, Izaya at least grunted.

"Izaya..." Shizuo repeated, hoping to get another reaction out of him, to show that he was listening. Izaya heaved out a breath of air, his shoulders slumping inward.

Shizuo stared at him and then sat beside Izaya on the couch, careful not to let himself touch the man. He licked his lips after a moment, thinking on something that he could say. He once again noticed the sweat and then looked over into the kitchen. "Um..Do you want me to get you a wet rag for you...?"

He didn't receive a response and started to feel awkward, almost frustrated. Izaya didn't want to be touched, so how was he supposed to help him if Izaya wouldn't tell him. He let out a sigh and decided to get up and get one anyways.

Walking into the kitchen, Shizuo turned the faucet on, letting it warm up as he went to grab a towel. He looked in the obvious places for one, and then looked in drawers, only to find utensils for cooking. "The fuck Izaya..?" He mumbled to himself. He sighed, dismissing the abnormallity of Izaya not having a towel in his kitchen, and then found some paper towel to use as a replacement. Taking more than he needed to, Shizuo folded it, and then ran it under the water, letting it soak up before ringing it out gently.

He shut the water off and then returned to Izaya, brushing his bangs back slightly as he laid the warm cloth against the mans forehead. Izaya cringed slightly, but instantly relaxed after Shizuo had pulled away. The rag didn't really do much it seemed, but Izaya did look slightly more relaxed. Shizuo thought he'd try again at conversation.

"Hey..." After a minute of not receiving a response, Shizuo was about to give up, but noticed Izaya staring at him. He suddenly felt like he was put on the spot and only had a limited amount of time to say something, and couldn't decide on what to ask. He sighed. "You need me to get you anything...?"

Izaya groaned in response. He wasn't sure whether or not to take that as a 'Yes, I need something'. He stayed silent, in hopes that he'd respond. Izaya's eyes closed for a moment, before he cracked them open again, peering at Shizuo as he let out another breath. "..Shinra...He left stuff for me over on the counter..."

Shizuo blinked, then looked from Izaya over to the counter. He didn't notice anything right away, so stood up and walked over to look. He peeked at a few random things, but nothing that seemed to hold any pills of any sort. He looked over the messy place and then decided that what ever was on the counter before, was probably half way across the whole place now. Shizuo let out another sigh and looked around the floor for something. Peeking under the coffee table, he didn't find anything but some broken glass. He made a note to clean that up later if Izaya still wasn't doing too well.

Shizuo looked all over the place for some kind of bottle, or even a bag of pills. He knelt down to look under the couch Izaya was currently lying on and pulled something out, cracking open the lid and finding pills in it. He stood up, and then dangled the bottle in front of Izaya's view. "This it?"

Izaya merely nodded his head before closing his eyes again. Shizuo looked around the bottle to see how many he was supposed to take, but trust Shinra to not specify that. He shrugged and then went back into the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water for him to take it with.

Izaya made no effort to get up when Shizuo returned. Instead, he just stared at the pills in Shizuo's hands. "I've already helped you enough, I'm not puttin' this in your mouth on top of it." Shizuo stated. Izaya's eyes moved from his hand, to his face and he took in a breath, then proceeded to try and sit up. Shizuo set the glass and pills down on the coffee table, rolling his eyes as he easily pulled Izaya in an upright position, the paper towel on his forehead, falling off onto the couch. After he handed him the medicine, Shizuo took a seat beside Izaya, watching as his shaky and pale hand took it from him and brought it to his lips. He handed him the water afterwards, and then took the glass back after Izaya took it.

Izaya took in a deep breath like he had just completed the hardest task in the world, and then let his head rest against the back of the couch. He was taking in concentrated breaths, his eyes closed, and his hand still clinging tightly to his wrist. Shizuo noticed the beads of sweat forming along his face again, and then eyed the paper towel, picking it up and reaching towards Izaya's face. Izaya's eyes snapped open when the towel connected with his skin, tensing up, but relaxing immdiately when he realized what the blonde was doing. Shizuo wiped Izaya's face and then tossed the thing aside, watching as Izaya shivered in his own skin.

"Are you cold or something...?" Shizuo asked. Izaya looked at the blonde again, confusion sinking in as he realized he had no idea why Shizuo was even here. He attemtped to clear his throat, but his voice was still shaky when he spoke.

"N-no.."

Shizuo leaned into the back of the sofa, glancing around at the disaster the place was in. "What the hell happened in here...?"

"..." Izaya's face seemed to twist into deep thought. He bit his lip, trying to recall what _did_ happen, but no memory came to mind. He rubbed his eyes and then groaned. "I don't know.."

"Don't know..? How do you not know..?"

"I can't...I can't remember.." Izaya mumbled, looking around his apartment.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow to this, but didn't say anything else. There.. had to of been something wrong with Izaya.

Izaya finally released his wrist, holding it up to examine it. Shizuo's eyes widened slightly at seeing how nasty it had gotten. The once purple bruise almos tlooked black now. It took up most of the area on his forearm, and started to fade out towards his elbow, tracing over his veins. The color looked far beyond healthy, and it instantly brought the image of Shizuo's dream to surface in his mind. He snapped out of the trance he was in and looked over at Izaya, who looked just as much grossed out by the thing as Shizuo was.

"S-shouldn't..you get that checked out...?" Shizuo spat out, not able to take his eyes off the thing. Izaya's upper lip was bent in disgust when he responded.

"Shinra already checked it out the other day..." Izaya pulled a pillow off the couch and placed it over his bruise, tired of looking at the thing. "He didn't say much about it.."

Shizuo looked away when Izaya pulled the pillow over the mark and chewed his lip. He wasn't really sure what to say. In fact, he really wasn't sure how to act, since he was never, _ever_ used to having such a (semi) casual conversation with Izaya. He found himself glancing back over at the pillow, seeing the marking as clear as if the pillow wasn't even there.

"Um.." Shizuo started. He cut off when he looked up to see Izaya with his eyes snapped shut tightly, his body shaking, and skin going paler than it already was. "...I...Izaya...?"

Shizuo went to reach out and put a hand on his shoulder, but Izaya snapped, flinging his arm at Shizuo, slapping away the comforting hand and letting forth a loud scream. "GRAAAAAAH!" He yelled, throwing his body off the couch and onto the floor. Shizuo, stared, completely thrown off, yet again as he watched the man throw himself towards the pile of glass on the floor. Shizuo shook the shock off and then stood up to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Izaya!" Shizuo grabbed Izaya's arm, pulling his body to the side and reaching out for the other arm so he could pick him up and at least keep himself away from the pile of glass. When Shizuo grabbed for Izaya's bruised wrist, he couldn't believe what it was that he felt when he touched it. The second his skin made contact with that bruise, a stinging, agonizing pain shot through his palm and crawled up his arm, causing his breath to stop, and his nerves to jump in frenzy. He didn't even remember screaming, but when he finally came back to control, his voice was pounding hard through his throat. He immdiately released Izaya's wrist, stepping backwards as he did so. His eyes widened as he watched the younger man take in sharp gasps of air, his body bending about in abnormal ways as he flung himself about.

Shizuo didn't want to go near the man after that, but he felt like he didn't have a choice. He shook the odd feeling out of his system and then reached down to grab Izaya again, this time, avoiding the entire bruised arm in general. He pulled Izaya up off the ground, Izaya immdiately clutching onto Shizuo's vest like a scared child would. Shizuo looked around for some where to set the man down, other than the couch since it was so close to the glass. He looked towards the stairs and went to walk up them.

Climbing the stairs was easy for him, but he realized the higher he went, the tenser Izaya became. He ignored it though, figuring if something were wrong, Izaya would've voiced his opinion by now. Shizuo jiggled the door knob as he tried to not bang Izaya into the door, then lightly kicked it open. He was surprised to see the light already on, but something felt off about the room. Disregarding the feeling, Shizuo moved towards Izaya's bed, setting him down on the cool silky sheets and looking around the room. He turned to the window and decided to pull openthe curtains, and then walked over to Izaya's closet, and poked his head inside. He wouldn't have been all that shocked to find some weirdo creepin out in his closet, but thankfully, he hadn't.

Instead, he was just met with an empty room. Shizuo hummed in thought and thenwent back to Izaya, who was tossing about in the bed. He sat down on the edge, about to hold Izaya still when the man flung himself around Shizuo's waist. "Wha-?" Shizuo breathed, confused.

Izaya's voice hitched, Shizuo's eyes widening more when he realized the man was crying. He had no idea how to react to this. This day had just gone completely out of the ordinary for him, and he wasn't sure how to handle anything anymore. "Ah...?" He hesitated before putting his hand on Izaya's back and rubbing it up and down in a comforting manner.

"Sh-shizuo..." Izaya breathed out. His fingers were shaking as they gripped onto the man's shirt, his breathing at an unsteady rhythm and his voice cracking. "You felt it d-didn't you...?"

Shizuo blinked, looking down at his palm, and then back to Izaya. "Mm.." He hummed.

Izaya went quiet for a moment and then loosened his grip. "I...It.. it went away though..." Shizuo remained quiet, feeling rather uncomfortable in the given situation. This wasn't what he was used to doing, and he wasn't sure what was the proper way to react. Izaya continued. "You..made it go away..." He mumbled, letting his head reast against Shizuo's lap.

Before Shizuo had the chance to argue with the statement, he knew that Izaya had already passed out on him. He hesitated before pulling Izaya back, laying his body on the bed properly. He went to stand up and return downstairs, but felt a light tug on his sleeve when he pulled back. Looking at his arm, Izaya's fingers were clenched to his clothing, not letting him leave. "Izaya..." Shizuo sighed out. "I'll be right back..." He said, but to this, Izaya only squeezed tighter. Did that mean he was still awake...?

Shizuo rolled his eyes and then decided to just climb back into the bed and wait for Izaya to really pass out. What we wasn't expecting to do, was to pass out as well.

* * *

**A/N: ** Whoot. Uploaded on Sunday, like I said I would 8D I wrote this all today...xDDD And I'm not bothering to re-read it because I don't feel good, and I just don't want to Dx I was expecting this to be a lot shorter than it came out to be...

Oh well. Don't have much to say on this chapter. Recently obsessing over Bring Me The Horizon's new song "Blessed with a Curse" and I've started a short with Shizuo to it w once I finish that, I'll post it up here.

Replies to review of Chapter 6:

_Akari: Thank you! I didn't really spend a whole lot of time on his dream though actually xD And pssshht I do the same thing. A previous "scary" story I wrote, I seemed to only write at night and scared myself from it x'D And "Physce" who is this "Physce"? w...w Ahem._

_Lo- I feel like I'm updating on your command from your last review xDD Thank you for the double review~!_

_Christine- I'm sorry! Just hang in there! xD It'll get explained, don't worry~! _

Thanks everyone for the reviews! And to the users I reply to through mail, would you rather me do it on here...? Or continue through mail? xD

I love you guys x3


	8. Chapter 8

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

There was the man again, the one in all white. This time, there was more to see of him. White pants, white jacket, white shoes, and white skin. This person was sitting down, his legs crossed, and his fingers playing with the pink laces on his blindingly white shoes, the little bit of color that seemed to exist.

Shizuo was sitting across from him. Except, he wasn't wearing his normal attire. The blonde looked down at himself, seeing the white suit he was wearing with the pink dress shirt poking out of the cuffs. He wasn't sure what he was doing here as he looked around in the cloud of white space they were at. He wasn't even sure how they were sitting actually, since it didn't really seem like there was a floor. Shizuo looked down to see an endless depth of ivory, no different tones of the color revealing any kind of vague area. It was giving him a headache. Shizuo turned away from it and looked at the one thing that did have color. The man sitting across from him, the man that resembled Izaya perfectly. Everything down to the smirk on his lips screamed Izaya. The single thing Shizuo had noticed to be different about him though, were the magenta color of this one's eyes, and the way they stared at him. Like they knew everything, knew every answer to all of the questions that Shizuo's mind had drenched itself in over the course of a few hours.

Shizuo felt the need to ask him something when he looked into those eyes, he felt the need to curl over and spill everything that ran through his mind to this man. He felt like this person owned him.

Shizuo opened his mouth only for a white, thin, and long feminine finger to touch his lips. Izaya-look alike brought himself closer to him, placing himself on top of his lap and ran his hand down along Shizuo's arm, feeling along his fingers before pulling them up towards the pink buttons that kept the brunette's jacket tightly together around his body. Shizuo didn't understand what the man was doing, but didn't stop him when his finger pulled the cloth away from the button, moving down to the next one, undoing that one and moving on.

The man led Shizuo's hands up to his shoulders, pulling the jacket off of him and guiding Shizuo's hand down his arm, leaning backwards as Shizuo's hand felt the smooth skin. He pulled Shizuo with him as he went back, trying to pull the man on top of him while he let his hands explore the little revealed skin. Shizuo found his eyes staring at that hypnotizing design on the man's wrist, running his fingers towards it, but noticing that it crept away from him the closer his finger got. For fun, he ran it along the outside of the marking, watching as it shriveled around, shrinking inwards just before it all disappeared completely after Shizuo ran his finger towards it.

He looked up the arm and towards the man that was pulling him forward, leaning his body into him and allowing himself to shift his weight and relax as the other was about to hit what seemed to be the floor. Shizuo was thrown off as he watched the man continue further than what should've been the floor and slip right under him, falling down into the depths. The hard surface that seemed to keep Shizuo floating in mid-air quickly vanished, sending him falling downwards with the other, his heart racing as his eyes were being met with nothing but endless white.

In a quick jolt, Shizuo snapped his eyes open, knowing he had twitched just a few moments ago. He rubbed his eyes, and wiped away the drool he felt running down his chin. His body felt stiff, but well rested for once. Shizuo's head was empty for a moment before he finally took in what he'd just seen. He thought his last dream was strange, what in the fuck did he just dream only a few moments ago?

He shook the whole dream away and went to move, only to feel something pressing on top of his body. Looking over to the side, he was reminded of all the things that had happened just the other day [assuming that he had slept through the night] and stared blankly at the informant that was clutching onto his shirt. His head was resting on Shizuo's chest, where his heart was lightly rapping against his rib cage, and his legs were entangled with Shizuo's, Izaya's hair quite messy. Shizuo couldn't help himself from running his fingers into the thin hair on Izaya's skull. He was half-surprised with how soft it was. Half because he knew Izaya bought that crazy expensive shit. He stared down at the other man, wondering if there was a point in him staying. He didn't know if Izaya would lash out into some fit like he was doing last night, or if he'd wake up as himself, spitting insults to the bartender about one thing or another. Shizuo's thoughts halted when his eyes traveled towards the open door, his eyes following up the body that was in the door way, peeking her head inside. Shizuo's face immediately flushed as he pulled away from Izaya, the female watching the scene with a completely shocked face. Was this Izaya's girl friend or something? He had one...?

"I-I'm sorry!" Shizuo apologized, feeling flustered with the given situation. Oh god, she must think...

"I...Had no idea Izaya was into such a thing..." She breathed out.

"No! No, no, it's not like that!" Shizuo tried to correct. "I was just.. he..um.." He paused to try and collect his words. "Are you...his...?" He asked, not wanting to say it and offend her if she wasn't.

After staring blankly at Shizuo for what felt like a long while, she cocked her head back and let out a loud laugh that seemed to have slipped right passed her lips. "His _girl friend_? Bah, that man would be the last thing on Earth I would even think about in a manner like that."

"Oh.." Shizuo breathed. He scrunched his eyebrows together, now confused as to who this lady was. Did Izaya have his own personal maid or something?

"I was actually thinking the same thing about you, but I guess I can conclude that that's not true." She creaked the door open further, stepping inside and walking towards where Izaya was still sleeping. (How he managed to sleep through Shizuo's flailing as he got up, the blonde had no clue.)

"God no." Shizuo snorted. "I can't say anything about the flea's preferences, but I know I'm not into that."

"Flea? That's a cute nickname." The brunette female snickered. "I believe it's in my job though, to ask exactly who you are, and what you're doing here at such a suspicious time of day, assuming you spent the night of course."

"Your _job?_" Shizuo repeated.

"You think I _like_ working for that scum bag?" She sighed. "As I said, who're you?"

"Heiwajima Shizuo." He stated, stuffing his hands in his pockets, now realizing he'd managed to fall asleep in his clothes. "And you are?"

The female seemed to freeze in her spot, her eye widening for a moment before she straightened up and collected herself. "Sh-shizuo? The one Izaya's always...?" Shizuo raised a brow at her, which apparently seemed to confirm everything for her. She shook her head and calmed down, going back to her normal, cold appearing self. "Namie. I work as his secretary."

"He's got his own secretary...?"

"Unfortunately. Though I do have to say if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have a job.." She mumbled, reaching over the bed and lightly rocking Izaya's body. Shizuo decided that he'd just wait downstairs to question the douche bag, figuring he'd let the man wake up.

Shizuo stepped towards the door, Namie turning her head slightly towards him. "I hope you realize that I have to clean up that ridiculous mess that you two made."

The blonde peeked out the door way and then shrugged. "Hate to tell you that none of it was me." He then ignored whatever else Namie had to say and continued down the stairs. Looking over the place, he really didn't remember it being as horridly torn apart as it had, though he had only seen it in dim lighting.

Shizuo moved towards the couch and plopped down, resting his head on the top of the couch cushion as he tried to think on things. Would it be a good idea to let Shinra know about all his...? He decided to wait and see how the flea was doing. Shizuo pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time, checking the calendar on his phone to see if he had work that day or not. He did, but not until later that night.

A loud crashing noise came from the upstairs, Shizuo tilting his head backwards to try and see what might've happened.

Izaya came stomping out of his room, Namie following him looking back into the room with a slight worry and then closing the door. Izaya was grabbing at his head, Shizuo being able to hear the growl coming from him all the way where he was sitting. Maybe he should've gone home. Izaya stomped down the stairs, kicking something that was on the ground when he got onto the bottom floor. His eyes scanned over his house, Izaya having to take in deep breaths to keep from exploding. "Namie." He said firmly, causing the female to jump to Izaya's tone for the first time in her life. This was way beyond out of character for the informant. "Get this place fucking cleaned and get out."

"Y-yes sir." Namie stuttered, looking around to try and figure out where to get started. Izaya closed his eyes for a long moment, hearing Namie's rustling and snarled to himself. "Forget it, Get out. Now."

Namie stopped what she was doing, blinking and then stood up from the bent position she was in. She looked over at Shizuo and made a gesture like she was shooting herself before standing up and grabbing her bag and leaving.

Once the door shut, Izaya let out a long breath, his body beginning to shake uncontrollably. Shizuo watched as he walked across the room, into the kitchen, and pulling a drink from the fridge. He downed whatever it was in his hand and set the empty container on the counter and took in another breath. It was quiet for a long moment, Shizuo wondering if Izaya had somehow missed his obnoxiously bleached mop of hair as he walked by. After a long moment of silence, Izaya spoke up, telling Shizuo he hadn't missed him sitting there.

"And you're here because?"

Shizuo turned his head towards the informant, blinking at him. He didn't respond to him though.

Izaya turned around to send a look to Shizuo. "If you've no business here then leave."

Shizuo stared at Izaya for a long moment, his eyes showing that he was already in pain. "I'm only still here because I want to know what happened yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Izaya repeated, cocking an eyebrow up confused.

"Yesterday." Shizuo confirmed.

Izaya stared at him for a long moment like he would've smacked the man across the face had he not been in the kitchen. "What _about _yesterday, you idiot."

"I was in the assumption that it'd be kinda obvious." Shizuo stated letting out a groan. "Last night, that little episode you had?" Izaya continued to stare at Shizuo like he had no idea what he was saying. Shizuo rolled his eyes deciding to go on. "All that screaming? This mess...?" Again, a confused look. The blonde shook his head, letting out a sigh and standing up. "Never mind.." He breathed out, heading for the door. "If this hadn't been the biggest waste of my time, I don't know what could be.." He mumbled under his breath as he stepped out of Izaya's apartment, not letting the man slip out a smart ass remark.

Izaya stared at the now closed door, half wanting to go and run after Shizuo and demand to know what on earth he had been talking about. Instead, he found himself looking over the mess in his house, his lip trembling before he let his body slide down against the fridge. He didn't even attempt to stop himself from crying as he sat there with his knees close to his chest. He'd never felt so clueless in his life before, and he had quickly learned he couldn't handle it.

He couldn't handle living in this sudden fear of things. He couldn't handle not knowing what in the hell was going on with him. He couldn't handle the ridiculous amounts of pain that would be pulsating through him constantly, day in and day out. Izaya couldn't handle the fact that' he'd found out Shizuo was the only thing that seemed to be able to stop it, though his memory of that fact was completely wiped. Izaya just couldn't handle anything anymore and it was driving him crazy.

Shizuo blew out a puff of smoke as he listened to the annoying ringing on the other end of his phone call. After a short minute, he'd finally gotten an answer.

"Hello? Shizuo?" Shinra answered.

"Izaya's crazy." Shizuo stated, being completely blunt and to the point.

"...All...right?" Shinra replied, slightly confused. "Don't tell me you've just now come to this realization?"

"No, I mean, if we consider the everyday Izaya normal, then the one I just dealt with was crazy."

Shinra was quiet for a moment. "Strange way of wording it..." he trailed off, rummaging through something that Shizuo didn't even bother to think about. "What makes you say that...?"

"You saw that bruise on his wrist, didn't you? He said you checked it out."

"I had a bad feeling you were going to bring that up.." Shinra sighed out. "How exactly was he acting though?"

"Crazy." Shizuo said, pulling his cigarette away from his lips and kicking some pebble on the ground.

"Can you elaborate on that possibly?"

"Well...He looked horrible when I first got there.. and he kept clutching the thing, screaming about it, then throwing himself all over the place and clawing at that damn thing." Shizuo wondered if he should've included what happened when he touched his wrist the other day, but left it out. "He didn't even really seem to take in the fact that it was me last night either. Or maybe he just didn't care, I don't know. This morning, he had one major stick up his ass though.."

"Eh, he was like that when we were over there too...As far as being grouchy, I mean." Shinra had pulled the phone away for a moment and was mumbling something about who knows what before speaking into the phone again. "Celty and I are going to stop by there later this week. I'm quite busy for the time being though. We'll let you know if we figure anything out about that bruise. I'm almost positive it's the cause of all this abnormality..."

"Alright.. Shouldn't someone keep an eye on him until then?"

"What's with this sudden change of heart, Shizuo?" Shinra laughed. "I've never heard you so concenred for Izaya-kun before."

"It's not concern, it's annoyance." Shizuo breathed out. "The little shit wouldn't let go of me the whole time I was there."  
"Oh...? Was he trying to kill you...?"

"No..It.. It was more in a...scared manner."

"He was holding onto you because he was scared...?" Shinra guessed.

"Mhm." Shizuo hummed.

"That's...Bizarre..."

"You're telling me." The blonde threw his cigarette down, stepping it out and then blowing out the smoke in his lungs. "Guys always been a freak, but he's taking it to a whole new level..."

"Eh, well, I've got to go, Got some things to do. Like I said, I'll let you know what we figure out. Feel free to stop by there if you're that concerned."

"All right."

"Bye, Shizuo~"

"See ya." Shizuo pulled his phone away from his ear and ended the call, staring at the screen for a moment. He looked forward and chewed his lip thinking for a long moment. His mocha eyes scanned over the area around him and he began to continue his walk back to his empty home, finding his mind wandering back to his odd dream. Maybe he should've said something to Shinra about that too...

* * *

**A/N: **FanFic would have a login problem the day I go to update this... Anyways. Miserable fucking week. So, don't really get your hopes up with the Sunday update. I've no clue when I'll finish the next chapter. I don't feel like responding to reviews this time around, though I do appreciate them.

Abrupt ending here too... Oh-Well.

Beta'd by sanguinehearts.

Enjoy.


	9. Chapter 9

**Characters:** ShizuoxIzaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary:** Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting anyone else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"Shizuo, I want you to call me as soon as- No, forget that, get over to Izaya's when you get this."

-Click-

"_You have no more messages. To return to the main menu, press-"_

Shizuo ended the call before the automated voice could finish its sentence and then stared down at the screen. Shinra sounded far from good. He must've found something out about Izaya's marking, and whatever it was, he was probably having a hard time with. Or Izaya himself, for that matter.

It'd been barely over a week since Shizuo had last seen the other man. He was going to stop by when he could, just to see what was going on, but as soon as he got home, he lost all motivation to do anything. In truth, he hadn't even been eating nearly as much as he used to, sometimes even going a full day without food. He had to remind himself to eat, and when he did think about it, the bed seemed too comfortable and soothing to move out of and retrieve the food.

Shizuo had even felt slightly guilty in not going, but continued to make excuses to himself as to what prevented him from doing so. Besides, it wasn't like he was the cause of all of Izaya's recent problems.

The slamming of a glass tore Shizuo out of his trance, his eyes following the motion upward to see a heavily built man looking at him. Shizuo blinked, putting away his phone and then grabbing the appropriate alcohol and pouring just enough into the man's glass and moving on.

He would've liked to go over to Izaya's now and see what it was that Shinra seemed to be stressing about, but unfortunately, he was on the clock, and still had a few more hours before he was out. Shizuo's ears caught sharp giggling, and his eyes scanned over to where it was, seeing a group of young women with their fruity alcoholic beverages in hand while their eyes scanned the place.

Why on earth were they at _this_ bar trying to get hit on?

Shizuo didn't spend any longer on the thought and tried to find something to occupy himself with. He let out an over exaggerated sigh and then leaned forward on the counter, resting his chin in his hand after propping it up. He was never one that really enjoyed people watching, but it'd become a habit of his ever since taking up this job. At some points it could be amusing, other times, he would've rather have been doing anything else.

Today though, his mind was already occupied with the possibility of what Shinra had to tell him. Several different scenarios ran through the bartender's head, some of which ended okay, others that ended horribly. Maybe Shinra was going to tell Shizuo that Izaya was going to die from this thing?

Although, wasn't that technically what he wanted in the first place?

Shizuo felt an unfamiliar emotion pulse through him as he thought on what life would be like without that douchebag. It wasn't that he'd miss him or anything; the blonde knew that he wouldn't know what to do with himself if that'd happen. At least when he was around Izaya he could push aside his horrible depression problems and be able to feel something different in the raven haired's presence.

"Huh..." Shizuo breathed out. He really was at a loss with this one. Things would be so much calmer for him. Maybe he'd actually be able to maintain a job..?

Thinking it over, Shizuo knew that was far from the truth. In fact, if Izaya _were_ to suddenly croak, then his anger would most likely build up over time until he snapped all at once and did who knows what to who knows who. Regardless of how the two felt about each other, Shizuo hated to admit the fact that he actually needed Izaya, at least as an outlet for his anger.

The blonde heard the sharp giggling again, and tried to ignore it this time around. 'Fucking women.' He thought to himself, overhearing some form of trash talk coming from their general direction. He would be lying if he said he liked them. In fact, he hated them. The stereotypical image of women that was anyways. They drove him up a wall with all of their bitching, and trash-talk and their fucking stubbornness-_GOD_ their stubbornness! And how often they put they blame on other things, other _people._

Shizuo drew in a breath, calming himself down a bit before he got too worked up. Now just because he hated females, that didn't mean he was into males or anything. In fact, he seemed to be indifferent towards both genders, which explains why he'd never held any form of intimate relationship with anyone before.

It could also be the result of why he felt so isolated as well. Maybe some form of intimacy was what the blonde needed, so he wouldn't at least feel so uncared for. Shizuo knew that it was a stupid thing to think, but he couldn't help but to feel that way.

He blinked the thoughts away and then went back to work, pouring drinks and wiping down counter tops.

* * *

Shizuo would be lying if he said he wasn't anxious to get out of work. He'd never checked out so fast in his life, and the second he stepped outside, he dipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out his orange cell phone, dialing the underground doctor. Shinra didn't answer right away, and it somehow made Shizuo motion faster towards the informants place.

After about the 4th or 5th ring, his voice finally broke through the other line. "Shizuo! Where on earth are you!" There was screaming going on in the background along with the rustling and clattering of items. "W-we need you over here now!"

"I'm on my way now, I was stuck at work..." Shizuo responded. "What the hell is going on over there..?" Another sharp scream filled the speakers, causing Shizuo to pull his phone away from his ear before Shinra responded.

"Don't have time to explain, just hurry!" And with that, the dial tone sounded.

"..." Shizuo held the phone to his ear for a moment before returning it back to his pocket. He felt his stomach churn as he hurried over to his destination.

* * *

Once Shiuzo arrived, he didn't waste any time in busting through the door. He'd half expected to be able to hear Izaya's screams all away around the block, but the closer he got to his apartment, the sooner he concluded that his screams had ceased.

He wasn't too sure what to expect when he opened the door, but one thing that had thrown him off was that _horrible_ stench that greeted him when he opened the door. It caused Shizuo to cough and even gag before he could catch his breath and block out the odor by covering his nose and mouth with his sleeve.

"What the fuck is that _smell_!" Shizuo stated, letting Shinra and Celty know he had arrived.

Shizuo took a look around before hearing Shinra's voice coming from over by the couches. He followed it over to him, his voice muffled from the surgeon's mask he was wearing. "We're not sure, and are pretty scared to find out." He looked upward towards Shizuo and then reached over somewhere below him to hand him a similar mask. The blonde felt kind of silly putting it on, but he took it anyways.

"I'm not sure how you'll feel about this.." Shinra then nodded towards the body that Shizuo just now realized Celty and Shinra had been holding down, Celty's thick shadow wrapped around Izaya's wrists, forearms, ankles, and waist, while Shinra was holding him back by pushing down on his chest.

Shizuo looked at the man and felt a shiver run down his back. He'd never seen him in such a wrecked state before and it was rather terrifying to see it now. Izaya's eyes were wide and red, staring blankly at nothing in particular, deep bags under his eyes adding to the horrid look. His hair looked like it hadn't been brushed, or even _washed_ for that matter in days, and his skin was pale, almost white.

He could barely hear the man mumbling something, but as he listened in closer, he learned what it was he was mumbling over and over again.

"Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan.." Izaya's lips moved weakly as he said the name repeatedly, his limbs struggling against Celty's shadow to flail about. Shizuo felt like he was going to throw up. He felt sick, felt completely and utterly sick. He felt slightly light headed, which could've been from that horrid odor, or because of this. Either way, he wasn't sure. Shizuo took in a breath, his stomach about to force the lack of food inside it back up his throat, but he held it down.

Celty turned herself towards Shizuo, looking as if she wanted to type something on her PDA, but couldn't because her hands were full with Izaya. The blonde glanced back at the doctor, who was watching him with a worried expression.

Shizuo swallowed thickly before talking. "Did… Did you find anything out at least..?"

"...No…" Shinra breathed. "I mean... It's due to that... _thing_ on his wrist.. But I don't have a clue as to what it is."

"You're calling it a 'thing' now...?" Shizuo asked, not liking that a medical freak wasn't using a medical term for it.

"There isn't anything else I can really label it as.. It's not a bruise… It's almost like a virus."

"Virus?" Shizuo asked, taking a peek at the wrist and once again hearing Izaya's voice repeating his name.

"Yes. It's spreading all through his arm, though at a very slow pace. I also ran a test on his nerves to see what pain its causing, and…" Shinra looked around him before pulling out some paper that he'd already scribbled on. "I re-did the test a couple of times, but it's gotten the same result, so I'm either doing it completely wrong, or he really is going through this much pain..." He pointed towards some equation on his paper like Shizuo would completely understand it. "It's... a lot." Shinra said, almost at a loss for words.

Shizuo let his eyes wander over to Izaya's face, once again feeling his stomach turn at the sight. "Why is he so...Crazy though?"

"Well.. to put it in a way that you'd understand...The pain's basically caused a few circuits up in his head to come loose."

"You don't have any way of fixing it, do you..?" Shizuo asked.

"..." Shinra looked down, half in guilt, half in thought. "I'm trying…" There was a moment of silence before he spoke up again. "Celty and I gave him a bit of pain medicine. It seemed to relax him for the time being, but it hasn't brought him anywhere close to his normal self." That much was obvious. "He's been calming down since though. I'm not sure how long it'll be before the medicine wears off…"

With that Shinra slightly relaxed his hand, pulling it off of Izaya's chest. Celty did the same thing with her shadow, but was on edge, ready to latch them against the body again if he acted up. Shizuo made himself as comfortable as he could on the ground beside the two, with Izaya mumbling the blonde's name still.

"I'm not sure what his obsession with you is all about…" Shinra remarked.

Shizuo looked over to the brunette, realizing that he was expecting Shizuo to have an answer to that. "I don't have a clue." He replied, in which Shinra sighed.

Celty began typing on her keyboard and then held it up to the blonde. "He's been mentioning you non-stop since we've been here though." She pulled the screen back down and typed up another message. "Earlier he said 'Shizuo, get rid of this pain' while Shinra and I were trying to hold him down."

Shizuo stared at the sentence for a long moment before thinking back to when he was over here about a week ago. He remembered what had happened the last time he'd touched that thing, and felt the urge to reach up and grab it now. Izaya had mumbled something about it making the pain go away, but Shizuo didn't want to feel it either. How fair was it that Izaya had to deal with this pain for who knows how long though? Sure it wasn't Shizuo's fault, but if he could make it subside for only a little bit, maybe even enough to get the right Izaya back and to figure something out, then he supposed it'd be worth it. Besides, Shizuo probably knew how to ignore pain better than anyone else, so it was only fitting.

Still, he wanted nothing to do with that thing swirling about on the pale man's wrist. That sick feeling had begun to return again, this time he wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold back the puke. He stood up, ignoring the looks Shinra and Celty had been giving him and walked towards the bathroom.

He pulled the stupid mask off his face and threw it to the side somewhere. It wasn't like he made the place any dirtier by doing so, it was still in a disastrous state. He turned the door knob to the bathroom door, and with the second he opened it enough to see inside, his stomach sent the vomit shooting up through his throat and out to the tiled floor.

He gagged a second time, a burning substance coming up and with the third gag, he pulled away from the door, slamming it shut. He took in deep breaths, gagging in between, feeling like he was about to pass out. That was…

"Shizuo, are you alright?" Shinra called, hearing the noises the bartender was making. He stood up to see what was going on before Shizuo could finally take in a breath and talk.

"I found out where that smell is coming from..." He stated, looking back towards the bathroom, another gag beginning to form before he held it down.

Shinra scrunched his eyebrows together, not liking the way Shizuo looked when he said that. Or just how he looked in general. "The...bathroom..?" Celty stood up and motioned over towards Shizuo, holding up a message she quickly typed.

"Hold your breath or move away." She stated. Shizuo clamped his hand over his mouth, his eyes looking towards the bathroom door, even though he already knew what was behind there.

Celty touched the knob and turned it, letting it creak open slowly as she slowly moved herself inside. She stepped in and looked at the bathtub, feeling a shiver of fear creep through her at the silhouette that was seen on the curtain.

Shizuo closed his eyes and then held his breath, Shinra now debating over leaving Izaya's side, or seeing what was in the bathroom. He could smell the odor increasing as the door was open longer. Finally deciding on seeing what was in there, he walked over beside the two, and found himself holding his breath as he looked inside the bathroom with Celty.

His eyes locked on the silhouette and he instantly knew what was behind the curtain. Celty reached a hand out and grasped it, physically showing the motions of a gulp as she pulled it back. After she did so, she found herself shuddering at the image and stepping backwards, towards the exit of the bathroom. Shinra's face held a look of disgust, but out of the three, he was able to stomach it the most.

Inside the tube held the decaying corpse of Nami, fully clothed, but with her throat slit open, the gash on her neck containing several flies that were buzzing around it and on the open flesh. There were most likely other gashes on her body elsewhere, but the nasty, dark colored water she was sitting in covered them up.

Shinra looked to Celty, and then down towards Shizuo and reluctantly looked for the plug to the tub. He was happy to see that it was one that rested on the inner-side of the tub, only having to dip a few of his fingers in the disgustingly cold water to hit the drain. He pulled the curtain back, as if to not disgust anyone any longer than they needed and then turned towards the window and opened it.

Celty was visibly shaken as she typed up a new message. "You don't think... Izaya-kun did that, do you?"

Shinra stared down at the image for a moment, before clicking the fan on and then washing his hands in the sink. "Who else do we know that's as good with knives as he is..?"

Celty put her device away, stepping out of the bathroom with Shinra and closing the door. Shizuo stared at the door for a moment longer, and then closed his eyes, hearing repeatedly his name being said by the informant on the other side of the room.

"Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan..."

* * *

**A/N:** Well. New chapter sooner than I thought. I enjoyed writing this chapter for once.

I think I pretty much answered all the reviews I got for the last chapter..

Gina: Well, I'm sure this chapter didn't answer that question much xD

Review, Fav, and Enjoy please. I appreciate it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating: **M

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Durarara! or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self

* * *

Through the years that people are lucky enough to live to see, they can all conclude that every once in a while, something strange happens. Something out of the ordinary likes to tug their invisible strings and pull them into a different rhythm, if only for a moment. Some people live by being tugged, while others live by avoiding it. There are few that are in between, but regardless, you can't escape it.

You would think that the younger brother of Heiwajima Shizuo would be used to this constant change, but he soon realized that it was only the constant change that Shizuo _himself_ caused that Kasuka was used to.

Being fired by a director had really thrown him off. He wasn't sure what it was that he'd done wrong. Hell, he'd been working his ass off trying to please the man, but it seemed he really just didn't fit the part.

His manager was throwing a bigger fit than Kasuka over it, ready to sue the director for not having a good enough reason to fire the young actor. Kasuka had just come to accept the fact that he didn't fit the man's criteria, though he played out the character as close to perfect as he could. He drummed his fingers along the arm rest on the door of the car he was in, feeling anxious about the whole situation.

His manager was currently on the phone at the moment, arguing about something, but the brunette didn't pay any attention to it. He'd hope this whole thing wasn't going to give him bad publicity, he didn't want to disappoint Shizuo over this.

His blank eyes turned to look out the window, watching the scenery change before him and then sighed. The arguing of his manager had cut off mid-sentence and a growl followed afterwards. Kasuka turned away from the window and looked over at his manager, who was red in the face with frustration.

"Some people are just so _RUDE_." He fumed, shoving his phone away. "They said that you 'just weren't working out for the movie' BULLSHIT." Kasuka blinked to the fury and then shrugged.

"Maybe I wasn't what they were looking for..." he suggested, trying to let the whole thing go.

"Weren't what they- Yuuhei! You are the _KING_ of the new generation of actors! If you aren't what they're looking for, _THEY_ should make it what they're looking for!" Kasuka decided that saying otherwise would be completely futile and turned his attention back towards the window.

At least with him being put back on the 'For Hire' list, he'd have more time to spend with his brother once he got back to Ikebkuro...If he ever did, that was. He was afraid the rage his manager had going on was going to wind him a spot in some other movie, as if to upstage the one he'd been fired from.

* * *

"Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan..." The weak voice cracked a bit as Izaya's eyes stared up blankly at the ceiling. His thoughts were jumbled and all images seemed to be distorted. When he tried to make a coherent thought, it was like someone was stopping it from going through and instead, sending it back to the beginning process. He'd somehow managed to get stuck on the blonde, who's presence he couldn't feel.

Izaya's whole body was tingling with a numbing sensation, he felt like he could bite through his tongue and not feel a thing. Izaya felt his lips moving, heard his own voice, but could barely understand what it was he was saying. A couple of times, he tried to listen harder to himself, but nothing was breaking the cycle that his mind was repeating, thinking solely of the blonde and nothing more. "Shi..." Izaya's lips stopped. They quivered for a moment, appearing as if he was cold, but to him, it was a struggle to force his mind out of its repetitive state. "..Zu-chan...Shizu-chan..."

Shizuo stared down at the man that was resting against his lap. His face held more emotion than most people would ever see on the man. He would admit that he was scared, he would admit that he was worried, and he would admit that he really just wanted the old Izaya back, or any other Izaya for that matter. As long as it wasn't as creepy and torturous as this one.

The place had aired out considerably well after Shinra and Celty were able to take care of the women's dead body. He wasn't sure where they were taking it, and it was the last question he'd worry about. The nasty smell still lingered a bit, but it wasn't nearly as strong as it had been. Shinra had given Shizuo clear instructions to restrain Izaya if he acted up any until they got back. Shizuo would've said he was already acting up as it was.

"Shut up, would you?" Shizuo mumbled, knowing that it was of no use. Why was he so stuck on his name anyways? Couldn't there have been any other words for him to mumble over and over again? He'd never been so tired of hearing his name said before in his life.

"..." For a moment, Shizuo thought the informant had actually listened to him, had actually shut up. "...Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan..." He continued. Shizuo felt his fist tighten around the cloth that rested over Izaya's shoulder, growing annoyed with this. He wanted to so badly put a pillow over that mouth of his and shut him up.

"I said Shut UP!" Shizuo yelled, staring at the blank face of the deathly pale man. "SHUT UP! Stop calling my name!"

"..." The air settled with a silence, Shizuo's lip trembling slightly. He didn't know if it was from frustration or if he really wanted to breakdown and cry over this.

"I didn't do this to you!" Shizuo yelled back to him. "It's not my fault, quit treating me like it is!" Shizuo looked away from the pitiful disaster resting on him and tried to think on other things. He needed something else to occupy his mind, anything.

His eyes were forced back to the man when he felt a slight tug on him, a quiet sob accompanying it. "Sh-Shizuo..." The blonde stared at the other man at a loss for words as he watched tears streaming down his face. "Why is this happening to me...?" He mumbled, gripping on tighter to Shizuo's sleeve.

Shizuo swallowed the lump in his throat and scrunched his eyebrows together. Was he talking to the _normal_ Izaya now...? "I-Izaya...?" he questioned, afraid he was about to lose this bit of the man.

Izaya looked over towards Shizuo and sucked in a deep breath. "I-I don't want to be in here anymore... I don't want to live with th-AGHH!" He cut off into a scream, curling up closer to the blonde while grabbing at his wrist. "FUCKING-AHH!" Izaya clamped his mouth shut, snapped his eyes closed and sucked in deeply. Mocha eyes traveled from the head of black down towards the wrist he was clutching at. If he touched it...He'd feel it again, wouldn't he?

Shizuo decided not to think any more about that and crept his hand down the other man's arm, hesitating a bit before he clamped his hand over the man's wrist, and within seconds, that pain jolted through him, his vision fuzzing before it completely went black.

"Shizuo! Shizuo!" Shizuo felt his shoulder nudge a bit, his eyes foggy. Another shout of his name and he slowly brought his consciousness back, his ears ringing as he blinked away the fuzz. "Shiz-"

"Shut _up_ already!" Shizuo groaned, rubbing his eyes. He sat up and saw panicked looks on Shinra and Celty. He tried to let his memories flood back to him, and when they did, he jolted up, before his panic settled when he felt a body on top of him tumble a bit to the sudden movement.

"What on _Earth_ happened! We weren't even gone that long and come back to you two passed out on the floor!" Shinra exclaimed, reaching into his medical bag and pulling out some liquid material and pouring it onto a rag and then patting it against Shizuo's face. The blonde moved away from the rag, though not avoiding the contact.

"Nothing happened." He stated, pushing the medic's hand away from his face. "He just - he was doing the same stuff he always did." He lied.

Celty held up a message towards Shizuo. "How long has he been out? Did he pass out before you?"

"Ehh..." Shizuo shrugged looking away. "Around the same time..?" He suggested.

Shinra blinked. "You mean _YOU_ passed on Izaya! What is wrong with you!" Shinra flailed about, and then went to patting the informant down with the rag he used on Shizuo. "Izaya could've done something while you wer-" He cut off mid-sentence, looking up to the blonde. "_He_ didn't make you pass out, did he?"

"... In one way or another..." Shizuo shrugged. "It's not that big of a deal, obviously nothing happened, we're both still in one piece."

"..."

"_What?"_ Shizuo asked, not liking the looks he was getting.

"... Shizuo..." Shinra started. Celty finished the thought for him.

"If we want to help Izaya get better, you're going to have to tell us what happened." She pulled it down and then typed up a question. "What'd he do to you?"

"He didn't do anything to me..."

"But something _did_ happen..." Shinra inquired.

"Yeah, something happened, but he didn't do anything to me." Shizuo's fingers jittered a bit. He just realized how long he'd gone without a smoke, and now he was dying for one.

"..?" Was all Celty typed.

"... I... I yelled at him a bit… And I think..." The brute chewed his lip for a moment before continuing. "I think_ Izaya_-Izaya came back for a moment... He said 'Why is this happening to me' and that he didn't want to be here anymore..." He looked back towards the two. "I'm not sure what he meant by that… He started screaming afterwards... And I grabbed his wrist - the bruised one - and then found myself being woken up by you two..."

Shinra stared blankly at Shizuo for a moment. "You grabbed his wrist, and blacked out..?"

"Mhmm." He hummed.

"Hm."

"Why? There something wrong with that...?"

"There's a lot of things wrong with that… There's a lot of things wrong with this whole situation entirely." Shinra put a finger to his chin, thinking deeply on things. He then looked around the apartment they were in and let his eyes travel over things until they landed back on the blonde. He chewed his lip. He sighed and then stood up, stretching a bit. "I think it's time we all got home..."

Celty stood up, quickly clicking away at her keyboard. "But what about Izaya?"

"He'll have to come with one of us..." His eyes looked over towards Shizuo. "I'd personally suggest that you take him home and keep an eye on him, seeing as how he seems to be obsessed with you over something..."

Shizuo blinked. "W-what? He can't stay at my place!" He protested as the young doctor already began packing up his things. "Besides, shouldn't you be watchin' over him? In case he does something that'll help you with-"

"Shizuo." Shinra cut him off. "I've got enough jumbled up information to look over for the next few days. If anything happens I'm sure you can inform me of them. I don't want any distractions as I look these things over." He commented, holding up his bag.

Celty held a hand up to her non-existent face, and then held up a message towards Shizuo."I'm sure you can take care of him... If you need anything at all, send me a message and I'll be over there as soon as I can, even if you just need company..."

Shizuo read the message and let out a long sigh, knowing that he'd been defeated and the choice was made. He'd had enough of the man as it was, he didn't want to deal with him when he was home as well.

Shinra stared at him for a moment, before letting his eyes trail off towards the door. "C'mon Celty." He called and the two lingered for a moment longer before they left the apartment.

Shizuo looked down at the man resting against his lower limbs and sighed, moving him off and standing up. He looked towards the door after they left and then pulled out a cigarette, taking in a deep breath of it and holding it in a moment before releasing the smoke. "Thanks for helping with gettin' him over there. No, no, I got it, I got it..." Shizuo said to himself, playing the conversation out. "Wouldn't want anything to happen to you after all..." He finished his cancer stick and then put it out and tossed it in the trash, copying Shinra in examining the place. His eyes hovered over the upper floor, then moved along the books, and down the stair case, towards the couches where Izaya laid, over to the computers and then stopped.

Shizuo stared blankly at the pieces of metal. There was a blinking light on the closed laptop, and a steady one on the tower. He chewed his lip before walking over to it. Shizuo wasn't a technology wizz, but he at least knew how to work a computer.

Tapping the mouse to bring the computer out of sleep mode, Shizuo hovered over the desk, watching the screen come up. It wasn't every day that he got the chance to look through Izaya's things, and he knew for a fact that if it had been logged off, there'd be no way he could get into his computer.

He was only curious to see what might've happened when... Whatever happened with Namie, or when it happened for that matter, if anything on the computer would suggest it. When it popped up, there was a chat window up, but the room was empty. He minimized that, and pulling the chair out and sitting in it, pulled up one of the windows that had been minimized.

It was Izaya's email inbox. Shizuo looked at the date of the last received message, and then down to the digital clock in the corner, hovering the cursor over it to check the time to let the date appear. It'd been five days ago.

Shizuo clicked the refresh button and soon found pages full of unread emails. The most recent ones contained either _(No Subject)_ or some form of threatening message. The blonde glanced over to the motionless Izaya, and then back to the messages, clicking one open.

_I'm finding it rather rude of you to not respond to any of my messages. You're not dis-respecting me now are you?_

_ If I were you, I'd highly suggest responding soon, or you'll find yourself stumbling into something unfortunate. You forget I know where you reside._

Shizuo clicked on another message, skimming it over and reading more threats to him, more requests, and in the ones that actually held subject titles, he realized held some form of bribery to get him to respond.

Shizuo brought his index finger to his lip and began chewing on it, trying to decide if he should reply to anything or not.

He clicked the _'Reply All'_ button and found himself staring at a blinking cursor. What would Izaya _say?_ He thought for a moment before deciding that he should make it as short as he could, so that these people would believe it were Izaya.

_Subject: (No Subject)_

_ Message: _

_ I'm sorry for not replying to any messages for some time, I've been occupied._

Shizuo re-read what he put and then back-spaced it. It didn't sound like Izaya at all...

_Message:_

_ I apologize for my long absence. I've come across some problems and will be on break until further notice._

Shizuo chewed his lip once again, and then back-spaced the second sentence.

_Message:_

_ I apologize for my long absence. I will be on a hiatus until further notice._

_ -Orihara Izaya_

Did Izaya put his name at the end of his messages...? Shizuo pulled up one of the messages he had sent and learned that, he didn't. Skimming through other ones, he also realized that Izaya would include something about being grateful for their business, or something similar.

He back-spaced the informants name and then added onto the message.

_I appreciate your patience and am grateful to our business. _

He read it over several times before finally shaking his head and clicking send. "Whatever... I really shouldn't be caring about this anyway..." He sighed and then closed out of the emails. Shizuo pulled up another window, finding stuff that Izaya must've been looking into. He bookmarked the pages and then closed those out. He drummed his fingers against the desk and then pulled the chat box back up, seeing that someone had signed onto it. There was a message from a guy with a blue icon.

_Tanaka:_ _Kanra? Are you there?_

_ Tanaka: Helllloooo?_

Shizuo hadn't noticed the person had typed when he was dealing with Izaya's emails. He let out a sigh wondering how that man had been able to deal with all this crap and then make room in his schedule to fuck with him.

_Kanra: Sorry._

Shizuo blinked when his icon popped up. Was that a _chick?_ He felt his eyes travel over to the motionless informant and shook his head. "You really are fucked up..." Shizuo mumbled.

_Kanra: I was busy with something, I got distracted._

_ Tanaka: Oh that's fine. Anything in particular?_

_ Kanra: Just the usual._

_ Tanaka: That's always fun._

_ Kanra: One big ball of joy._

_ Tanaka: .__.._

_Tanaka: Are you alright Kanra? You sound down.__.__. You're not your usual bubbly-self._

"Bubbly...?" Shizuo questioned.

_Kanra: Ah, I'm fine! I'm going to be leaving now though, I've got a lot of things to do, I'll talk to you when I can!_

_ Tanaka: Wait,_

_ Kanra: ?_

When he put the question mark, a box popped up, enlarging the other's screen name, while at the top it indicated a private chat.

_Tanaka: Where have you been..? I haven't seen you around at all, and you've been offline for quite a bit now._

Shizuo wasn't really sure how he should respond. How would Izaya respond? Or more so, whoever this person Izaya had created. "Bubbly." He said to himself. "What's bubbly..?"

_Kanra: Tan-san, you worry too much! I'm fine! I've been busy at home, doing things!_

_ Tanaka: ...? Are you sure you're alright...?_

"Fucked that up..." Shizuo mumbled.

_Kanra: Hah, Yes, I'm fine. I've got to go, I'll talk to you later._

_ Tanaka: Alright, Bye._

_ Kanra: bye_

_ -Kanra has left the chat room-_

Shizuo leaned back in the office chair, looking at the computer screen. He hadn't found anything about Namie like he wanted to, but then again, what was Izaya going to do, type up some online blog about how he just slit someone's throat?

Shizuo decided to shut down the computer, knowing now that if any one of those clients of his wanted to pay Izaya a visit, they wouldn't be able to get any information out of the computer if he shut it down all the way.

He pushed away from the computer and stood up, slipping a hand in his pocket. He walked over towards Izaya and decided that it'd probably be best that they got going now. Shizuo looked down at him, seeing his eyes shut and his face relaxed for the first time in who knew how long. He leaned down to pick the man up, but then stopped short. He straightened himself back up and then turned his head towards the stairs.

Something... Something was really bothering him.

How could Izaya slit Namie's throat, and not leave some mess behind? There was no way that crazy-Izaya would think to clean up the blood that'd have to of come out of the wound. Not to mention the fact that they'd found her in a bathtub, fully clothed, and dipped in water. Shizuo looked around him for a moment and then picked up the coffee table, separating the leg from the table and then throwing the table aside. He gripped the wooden leg and then made his way up the stairs. Shizuo doubted that there was anyone up there, but just to be safe.

He made his way towards Izaya's bedroom, looking down towards the crack at the bottom and feeling his heart stop when he saw shadows moving about underneath it. He took in a breath, looking back towards Izaya from the ledge, and nearly had a heart attack.

"Oh-Fucking Christ." Shizuo breathed out when he saw Izaya sitting up-right, his dull eyes locked on Shizuo as he stood by his door. Shizuo caught the other man's lips moving, and didn't need to be near him to know what he was saying. He stared at the informant for a moment longer, feeling his heart race as he looked from the shadows under the door, and back to Izaya.

He didn't know which one he wanted to be closer to.

Taking in a breath, and tearing his gaze away from Izaya, Shizuo gripped the piece of wood tighter, a crack sounding from it. He twisted the door knob and then pushed it open, but refusing to step inside for a long moment. He could feel Izaya's eyes on him, burning into him as he tried to bring himself to enter the room. From what he could see, it was completely empty. His eyes looked down to the floor and tried to find the shadows that had just been dancing beneath the door.

He finally mustered up enough balls to step inside and when he did, his eyes scanned over the dark room before finally deciding to go for the light switch. He wasn't afraid of any person that would be hiding in here, no, that wasn't what was making his heart race so quickly, or his hands to sweat, or his eyes jolt around, or his nerves to be as on edge as they were.

No, what he was afraid of was being branded like Izaya. Being cursed by whomever it was that cursed Izaya. That's what was terrifying him. He had only let the thought of "possession" cross his mind, but the further he stepped into the room, the more he felt the air choking him, like there was some otherworldly spirit clutching at his neck and cutting off his air. Shizuo turned around to face the door and looked down towards Izaya, seeing a smirk beginning to form on his lips, before a small cackle sounded and the door slammed shut.

He would've screamed had he been able to summon his voice. Shizuo lifted a shaking hand towards the door and went to feel the doorknob, even though he knew that it'd somehow be locked. His mind was processing things slower now, and his thoughts were beginning to shut down. Moving his hand from the knob towards the light switch, Shizuo also knew that somehow, the light switch wouldn't be working either, and sure enough, when he flicked it, nothing happened. He flicked it again, and another time before letting his hand drop to his side.

Celty existed, so what made him think that something like this couldn't happen...?

Regardless, Shizuo didn't give a _fuck_ if it was a person behind him, or a spirit of some sort, he was _not_ going to wind up fucked up.

Out of panic, Shizuo grasped the door knob again and yanked on it, tugging at it, before he got frustrated and found himself pulling it off. The fuck was he doing? Using the doorknob to get through a locked door was not the smartest thing to do.

Shizuo didn't want to look behind him, but at the same time he did. He didn't want to see what it was that had made Izaya so fucked up, but there was something in the back of his mind telling him to just _fucking turn around._

He ignored it. He ignored the creeping feeling that ran up his spine and slammed his fist straight through that door, grabbing it from the outside and pulling inward, pulling it right off its hinges and throwing the piece of wood down in the room.

He skipped taking the stairs and jumped over the railing, about to book it for the door, but heard the horrid repetition of his name ringing in his ears. "Fucking shit!" He yelled, going towards Izaya and picking him up.

* * *

He wasted no time in getting his ass out of that fucking place, sprinting out of the building and straight into Ikebukuro. "_Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan..."_

His heart was thudding so loudly in his rib cage, his throat clenched tightly as his hands shook horribly, barely able to keep Izaya steady on his shoulder.

_"Shizu-chan...Shizu-chan...Shi-... ..."_ Shizuo hadn't even noticed when Izaya had finally stopped chanting his name, he was running so fast to his apartment. Fuck Shinra for leaving him there like that! Fuck him and his stupid, fucking -FUCK.

Shizuo could barely make fully processed thoughts before he found himself reaching out for the door knob that would let him into his home. As lonely as this place was, at least it was _safe._

It took him a few tries to get his hand steady enough to be able to twist the knob, but he finally did and when he stepped in, he made sure that it had been locked completely, even using the stupid chain lock that seemed to serve no purpose to him.

Shizuo dropped Izaya on the couch and then walked into his kitchen, opening the fridge door and pulling out a glass of milk. He shakily twisted the cap off and brought the cold glass to his lips, before a shadow from the hallway caught his attention. He froze instantly, eyes locking onto the shadow before it popped out at him.

"Surprise Nii-san!" Kasuka revealed himself, jumping out from the shadows, showing more emotion on his face than Shizuo could ever remember. The blonde had flailed about, spilling the milk in his hand and nearly falling over, but regained his balance.

"Fuck, Kasuka! You could _not_ have picked the _WORST_ time to pull a surprise act!" Shizuo flailed, putting the now half-empty glass of milk on the table.

"Oh..? Why's that..?" Kasuka looked around before spotting Izaya on the couch. "Why's he here again..? Was he drunk like last time..?"

"Don't... Don't worry about it…" Shizuo said, grabbing a towel and cleaning up the spilled milk. Kasuka looked down at his older brother and then raised an eye brow.

"Shizuo? Are you all right..? You look pale."

"I'm... I don't know." Shizuo straightened up and threw the towel into the sink and looked at Kasuka. "What're you doing here anyways? I thought you were on a movie set or whatever?"

"I got fired." Kasuka shrugged.

"_What."_

"It's not that big of a deal, the director didn't like the way I played his character." Kasuka stepped in front of Shizuo and popped open the fridge. "Where's all your food..?"

"Is that all you're here for..?" Shizuo remarked, shutting the fridge door on Kasuka. "You wouldn't like what I eat anyways."

Kasuka straightened up and blinked. "Hm." He turned towards the table and picked up the glass of milk he caused Shizuo to spill, swishing it about in the glass. He held it towards Shizuo, the blonde raising an eyebrow as he took it from the younger man. "You look like you really need that. I'll order some food."

* * *

**A/N: **Eheheh...Did I tell you guys that I'm on spring break? That means a lot more time to write x3 And, as you can see...Faster updates..along with longer chapters...Like this one xD I hope it wasn't too much. I was thinking about splitting it in two, but you guys are always saying something about updates, so I figured this wouldn't kill you.

Anyways. The previous chapter was still my favorite.. But Guys! Guys! I'm getting closer and closer to the part I want to write the most 8D -cough- annnd now to reply to the reviews~

_Cagallikushinarafika - I'm glad you like it x3 You'll find out soooonn~ Soon soon. Well, not that soon. _

_Cgb- Ily2 x3 There's gonna be a bit faster updates now 8D_

_Shano- You're the first person to notice that x'D I was hoping no one would catch that.. But yeah, we'll just say that it's progressed into a AU Fanfic. The story had no plot until Chapter 3, Sooo~ -shrugs- Timeline go fucked up with the development of a plot 8D_

Beta'd by sanguinehearts x3

Review + Fav. I love it when you do. I especially love all the guesses people have about this story x3 They're so fun to read~


	11. Chapter 11

**Characters**: Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating:** M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary**: Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

Kasuka dug his chopsticks into his food, mashing it up for a moment by twirling the wooden sticks about, and stabbing them into the meal before pulling them up and scooping the food into his mouth. His eyes wandered over towards his older brother, who was barely chewing his own food, while his fingers jittered against the table. There was a new glass of milk beside him, only a few sips being taken from it. The blonde's eyes were staring blankly at the man sitting across from him, and to Kasuka's left. Kasuka let his eyes shift over to the subject of Shizuo's gaze and felt his eyebrows scrunch together looking at the disaster that occupied the space. Izaya was sitting there, mouth hanging open just slightly, but no words coming out of it, or food going into it. His eyes were filled with such a scared, and apologetic gaze as he stared down at either the untouched food, or some stain that was most likely on the table cloth in front of him. His body was stiff, but hunched over, shoulders bent inward as his lip quivered occasionally. Izaya's hands were underneath the table, Kasuka imagining him fidgeting with his finger nails or something, but never bothering to look and see what they were really doing. The young actor's eyes scrolled back over to his brother, who's attention hadn't left the man across from him. He was definitely missing something between the two...

Kasuka looked back down to his food and scooped up some more into his mouth, chewing it, and swallowing as he finally set his chop sticks down and focused onto Izaya. "Are you gonna eat?"

His words had only made the silence stop for a moment, because there was no answer. Izaya's eyes shifted quickly to Kasuka, but then directly back down to what ever it was that was so damn amusing in front of him. Shizuo watched Izaya the whole time, and then looked over at Kasuka when Izaya's eyes settled back onto it's original subject. Kasuka stared for a moment longer, waiting for a response, and then letting out a huff. His gaze went over to the blonde that was staring at him and he rolled his eyes. "You're not making too much of an effort to eat either, Nii-san."

Shizuo blinked and then looked down at his amount of food, realizing he'd barely taken away from the amount in front of him. Silence again settled in, the blonde stuffing a bigger amount of food in his mouth and chewing it, letting his attention focus back onto Izaya.

The lack of conversation that was going on between the three was really beinging to irk Kasuka. He _hated_ having to be the one to start the conversations, especially dead-end ones like the ones he'd been running into non-stop since Shizuo got home. Sure, he prefered silence over noise, but looking between the two he could obviously tell there was something that was being avoided. Kasuka finally decided to stop beating around the bush and start calling out what no one wanted to talk about.

"Izaya..." He started, waiting for the man to look up at him. A long moment passed before Izaya made any motion at all. Kasuka stared at him as Izaya brought one of his hands up from under the table, ignoring Kasuka's calling, and shakily reached out for his chopsticks. His eyes moved away from it's usual subject and went towards the food in front of him, using his chopsticks to scoop up a shaking mouthful of rice. He lost half the food he picked up when he finally got it to his lips, and into his mouth. Izaya clamped down onto the wood for a moment, before withdrawing them and putting them back to his food, slowly and quietly chewing as he went for another scoop.

Shizuo stared half bewildered and half frightened by the actions. He wanted to say something, but the few words he wanted to say would most likely offend the informant. His little thoughts of jumping up and telling the man "Congratulations! You're not a life-less doll!" didn't really seem to suit the situation. He watched as Izaya repeated the motion again, eating more of the food, even mixing it up a bit. Shizuo couldn't have been more relieved with the movements, thankful that he wasn't seeing the man flailing about or mumbling his name any longer. He couldn't help but wonder if the only reason that Izaya wasn't acting that way now, was because Shizuo had taken him away from his home.

Kasuka noticed the expression on Shizuo's face, and then peeked back at Izaya. He was eating. Why did that seem to make his brother so happy..? He shook his head and just decided that he was going to let the whole thing drop, ask about it later, though he did shoot Shizuo a look that demanded some kind of explanation in which his brother pretended to avoid it by going for his milk.

There was a mumble that the Heiwajima's barely caught, but it pulled both of their attentions toward Izaya. Shizuo's movements froze completely while Kasuka quirked up an eyebrow. "What was that..?" He mumbled back.

"...I said..Sorry." Izaya stated clearer. He refused to let his eyes go any higher than the food on his plate, but he could feel the pairs of eyes staring at him bewildered.

"Izaya..." Shizuo mumbled. Kasuka looked once at the two, then again and shook his head confused.

"Sorry for _what?_" He asked, obviously excluded from whatever it was that was going on between the too. Last he remembered, they were hating on each other weren't they...? So..Why was Izaya apologizing..?

Izaya glanced over at Kasuka and then let his head drop. He closed his eyes and then took in a breath, before mustering up the guts to finally look at the blonde. When Izaya's eyes locked onto Shizuo's, he felt the strangest feeling run through him. His face burned with what he put the blonde through these past few weeks. His voice cracked slightly when he spoke. "I'm..I'm so sorry."

Shizuo couldn't help but feel obliged to do something, or say something to him. The guy looked like he was about to have a mental break down. "..Uh..."

Izaya's fingers trembled and his lips quivered as he pushed the food in front of him away and then brought his hands to his face, the silver metal that complimented his fingers giving off a dull shine. "I don't know how this happened..I don't, I swear." A small sob escaped him, even though he tried so hard to hold it back. "I'm so sick of this...I don't know what's going on anymore..." Izaya pulled his hands away, his eyes glossy and strained as he let them gaze down at the plate across from his. "I feel...Like I've been in a coma or something. I can't remember anything, and when I do, I don't want to...I don't want to remember any of those things at all.."

"...Any...of what things...?" Shizuo mumbled.

"T-the pain, the weird sights, all of these visions..." Izaya grabbed his head like he was getting a headache. "And the white...God I can't stand the _white_!"

" 'White'...?" Shizuo mumbled. "In...In your dreams...?" He stuttered, his previous dreams popping into his mind.

Izaya looked up, a slight fear of an understanding in his expression. "...I can't even tell the difference between anything anymore.."

"..." Shizuo couldn't think of anything to say to that. He chewed on his lip a bit before thinking back to his dreams. He felt stupid for thinking so...but were they trying to really tell him something? He knew that he was seeing Izaya..and he knew he was there, but that's all there was. Just the two of them. The two of them trapped in an endless world of white.

What the hell does white represent as far as dreams go? Shizuo set his chopsticks down on his plate and then pushed it forward, Kasuka looking down at the little amount he ate and then staring at him with another confused look. "Why do ask..?" Izaya mumbled.

The blonde pulled himself from thought and looked towards Izaya. "I..Never mind." He decided. Izaya didn't ask about it and just let out a long sigh, pulling his hands down on the table, his focus turning away from that of the brothers and towards the door.  
A silence settled in and Kasuka gave up on eating. "..Can someone please tell me what's going on here...?

Izaya snapped his head back towards the brunette, as did Shizuo. They glanced over at each other unsure how to began explaining something neither of them really understood. "Um..." Shizuo hummed.

Izaya blinked, drumming his fingers on the table for a moment before the bruise on his wrist caught his gaze and he yanked his hand under the table. God did he hate looking at that thing. "I...I don't really know honestly.."

"Do you..not know anything though?" Shizuo asked, and after receiving a blank look, decided on explaining it further. "Like... Through everything that's happened do you-" he cut off, debating on if he should say the next part, but decided it'd be for the better anyways. "What about what happened to..er..Naomi?"

"Naomi...?" Izaya repeated confused. "Who's that..?"

"Your secretary lady?"

"_Namie?"_ Izaya then corrected. "No, I don't. Why, what happened with her?"

"You killed her." Shizuo stated bluntly. Izaya's face went white for a moment before he let out a laugh, Kasuka's expression could almost be said to have revealed some form of shock when he heard his brother throw out such an accusation. He wasn't going to lie, the whole scene had just turned into a soap-opera shot in his mind.

"_Killed?_ Now, Shizuo, you might think of me as a bad person, but I am definitely not one to murder another human being, especially not one that's actually mildly important to myself." He stated.

"How would you know though?" Shizuo pointed out. "You said yourself that you felt like you were in a coma. "

"I.." Izaya stopped to think over his words. "My conscience, _Izaya Orihara's _own conscience, wouldn't ever think of doing something like that!" He yelled in defense. "Now, what that...that.._thing _might've done is a completely different story!"

"What 'thing'?"

"You expect me to know that?" Izaya clamped his jaw shut before taking in a breath. He was beginning to lose his temper, and this only happened on rare occasions. "Aren't you the one that's been seeing all this shit while I was 'out'? Shouldn't you know more about it than I do?"

"How do _You_ expect _me_ to figure out what the fuck is going on with you!" Shizuo threw back at him. "I'm not the freak being fucked around by some other worldly shit, here am I?"

"_HAH._" Izaya roared. "How the hell do you know that then? Hn? You've seen something, haven't you?"

"..." Shizuo felt a growl beginning to form. He'd forgotten about how much he _hated_ the normal Izaya. "How else would you explain this shit? I don't know what kind of spirit or whatever you've managed to piss off this badly, so don't look to me for a fucking answer."

Izaya stared at the blonde for a moment, managing to calm himself down. "A 'spirit'? That's what you think this all is..?" The blonde let his eyes travel up the informant and was shocked to see that he looked hurt. What the hell had he said that could've possibly hurt the guy? "I'm being fucking _tortured_ by this shit, day in and day out, with this fucking mark that I got from who knows where, and the only clues that I got from this fucking mess all leads back to _you. YOU_ of all people! What the hell am I supposed to think to that?" Izaya pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "I don't know what's going on with me at all.. I don't know who it is, _what_ it is that's doing this to me, but I'm so sick of having my thoughts all on _you." _

"And how's that _my_ fault?" Shizuo stood up. "Honestly, of all the things to be worried about, you're complaining about _that!" _Izaya wanted to say something, but was cut off by the blonde. "Why aren't you worried about figuring out what the hell that thing is? Or about whatever the hell is going on in your bedroom-No, your whole apartment for that matter! You're loosing your fucking _mind_, Izaya! There was a dead corpse sitting in your bathroom, where you've been living for the passed week and you had no clue about it!" Shizuo ran a hand through his hair as the smaller man stared at him with an expression of a confused child. "I..I've been freaking out lately, _really_ freaking out..."

"You're..." Izaya was almost afraid to say what he had interpreted his words to mean. "You've been...worried about me..?"

"What? If the situation were reversed...Nah, I forgot how much of a scumbag you are. You'd enjoy it." Shizuo mumbled.

Izaya chuckled slightly before slumping down in his seat, his eyes wandering around in thought. "Maybe that's why..." He murmured.

"Hn?" Shizuo blinked, now feeling awkward with what Izaya called out. Kasuka watched the whole thing, his mind jumbled up more than it was moments ago. He could barely follow along with what they were arguing about, but it was entertaining regardless. Shizuo hadn't even thrown things yet either.

"You've been the one that was always there, weren't you? When I barely came back around...?"

"Oh..." Shizuo rubbed the back of his neck. "I..I guess so? I mean..as far as I know, yeah."

"Hn.." Izaya looked down in thought. Eventually silence fell in the room again, Shizuo stared at Izaya for a moment longer and then snapped out of his gaze and decided to put his food away. He picked up his plate and turned around to the counter, pulling out some aluminum foil from a drawer and sloppily throwing it on top of his plate. Kasuka decided to do the same thing, grabbing Izaya's plate as well and moving towards the counter.

Shizuo watched Kasuka for a moment before his dreams popped into his head again. "Hey Kasu?"

"Hn?" Kasuka mumbled.

"Weren't you into that whole..dark art crap? Like with the dreams and card readings and what not?"

"At some point." Kasuka responded with, not being much neater than his brother in putting the foil over their food. "Why?"

"Do you happen to have one of those dream books here?"

Kasuka blinked, looking over his shoulder as if he could see a magical bookshelf that'd tell him. "I...think so. I can see."

"Good. I want to look at something.." Shizuo trailed off. Izaya stared questionably at the blonde when he said this, raising an eyebrow at the thought of him being into such a thing.

* * *

"Alright, let's see here..." Shizuo mumbled to himself, cracking open a book Kasuka found after half an hour of searching. He skimmed over some of the things listed and then chewed his lip. What exactly did he need to look for? White. There's a start.

"_White- Seeing white in your dream usually tends to translate into purity, or a new beginning. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. Alternatively, white refers to a clean, blank slate. Or it may refer to a cover-up. In Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning._

_ White Clothes-To dream that all your clothes in the closet are white, suggests that you need to lighten up. You may have recently been feeling a little on the depressed side. Perhaps you were going through some crisis. It is time to move on. You need to change your attitude and get a grip of your inner emotions."_

So...all that white.. If his dreams were trying to tell him something.. Would that be indicating the bruise? Purifying that? And it was obvious that the two had been depressed lately, so that much was right. "Hn..." Shizuo thought back to his dreams on something else. What else was there? Ah, the headphones?

_ "Headphones-To dream that you are wearing headphones, indicates that you are the only one getting the message. Furthermore, it means that you are in tune with your intuition."_

"Alright..What the hell does that mean then..?" Shizuo thought for a moment. "I'm the only one that understands it..? That doesn't seem to make sense.." He thought back to the white, and how he concluded that there needed a new beginning. "So..Izaya's bruise needs to be purified, and I'm the only one that can do it?" It was a bit of a jump from the headphones meaning, but it made sense in his mind. Now, what else was there? Silence? Neither of them had really made conversation. Shizuo flipped the pages into the "S" section and skimmed the list for silent.

"_To dream that someone is silent, means that you are unsure about this person's intentions. Perhaps you are still trying to understand them. There may be a sense of uneasiness."_

"...Huh." Shizuo wasn't sure to find it freaky that his dreams were relaying some form of message to him, and actually being _accurate_. He thought more into his dream and then remembered that bright hot pink that went with the clothing. It didn't seem like it'd mean anything but it wouldn't hurt to try. So far, he'd gotten that he himself has to somehow cleanse Izaya of his bruise, even though he can't understand the man. So he'd have to cleanse the bruise by doing what?

_ "The appearance of hot pink color in your dream, represents sex and lust."_

Shizuo's eyes stared at the sentence for a long moment before he slamed the book shut. Well, that settled that problem. You can't rely on some stupid dream book to help you figure things out.

He looked down at the book again and bit his lip. Why hadn't he bothered to look up the term 'bruise' ? Out of curiosity, Shizuo cracked the book back open and skimmed the pages for the word.

_ "Dreaming of a bruise is telling you that you need to accept the consequences of your actions. Consider the symbolism of the specific part of your body that is bruised."_

Shizuo then flipped to the back of the book and began to look for the word 'wrist'.

"_To see an injured or bandaged wrist in your dream, indicates a loss in productivity. You are in an imbalanced or one-sided relationship. In particular, if it's your wrists that are injured, then it implies that you are not reaching out to others enough. "_

"..So..Izaya isn't reaching out to others enough..and he has to accept the consequences of his actions..when he does?" Shizuo said it awkwardly to himself. Izaya needed help, obviously, so that made sense with the dream... Thinking it over, all of it made sense, excluding the whole 'lust' thing. Shizuo chewed his finger nail before closing the book and tucking it under his arm. He'd have to look more into that and make sure that his mind wasn't just making up some random explanation to his dream with the information he got from this book. Maybe he'd think of other things to look up too.

He stood up from the spot he was in, walking out of the room and into the hall. He looked down by the bathroom door and saw steam coming out of it, the sound of running water accompanying it. Kasuka had actually convinced the flea to take a shower here. Why did he find that so surprising?

Shrugging it off, Shizuo stepped into the guest room that had been slightly rearranged. Kasuka was sitting on the bed in there, and looked up when he felt Shizuo's presence. He held up a new packaged doorknob that had a lock in it. "What'd you want me to get this for...?"

Shizuo sighed before taking the package out of his hand and then walking back towards the door, gripping the door knob and with a few fierce tugs, popping it off. "Because I don't want to risk anything happening.. Izaya's staying here for the night. You can sleep on the couch or with me."

"..." Kasuka stared blankly as his brother began putting on the new doorknob and didn't bother to correct him when he noticed that he was putting it so that the lock faced the outside. He didn't understand it, but he wasn't going to question it either. "Alright Nii-san."

* * *

_dream information obtained from www(.)dreammoods(.)com_

**A/N:** I went from writing a buttload and being really intensely into it, to struggling with this chapter. The dialouge just.. was not working for me. I almost backspaced everything I wrote to start from a different scene, but I DIDN'T. This was a semi-important chapter, so I needed it P:

Also, the whole dream thing, yeah, I wrote the dream up before deciding to see what the interpretations were. +2 points on my part for being able to manipulate them enough to have them make sense 8D

I love all of the recent reviews I've been getting. I never thought people would get so into this story, and it makes me happy x'3 And onto the responses.

_Lo- I missed you 8D Yes, well, I hope you enjoyed reading all of that xD _

_cagallikushinarafika - Thank you x3 Like I always say, I'm glad you like it so much. Exams.. Ouch xD I'm sorry._

_Crackyficwriter not logged in - (-Ahah xD) See..I can't help but feel like once I write that part... You'll all hate me._

_CgB- Well, I hope this chapter answered your question. (You couldn't have waited for the next update to ask, could you? lol xD) No, no, ILY more._

Thank you to everyone that reviewed this story, and to everyone that have this in their alerts/favorites. It motivates me to write more every time I get an email that tells me I've received another review/fav/alert x3

R+F


	12. Chapter 12

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating: **M

**Full Summary: ** Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting anyone else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

Izaya had his eyes closed as the warm water pelted against his skin. His mind was slowly opening itself, bringing him out of his horrid repetitive thoughts that he once couldn't escape from. His pores felt open, his body finally felt clean, and it felt amazing. Izaya couldn't remember feeling this good in a while. He opened his eyes and looked towards the shower rack to grab some shampoo. He picked up a bottle, glancing over the words on it, and then poured a small amount onto the palm of his hand and worked it into his hair.

After cleaning himself completely, Izaya stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the rack and drying off. He looked down at the folded clothes Kasuka had given him and half wondered if they'd left him a long sleeve hoodie for the sake of covering up his bruise. Regardless of if it was intentional or not, he appreciated it. Izaya slipped into the clothes, set the towel over the shower rack, and then examined himself in the mirror. He didn't look as good as he used to, but the sweatshirt he was wearing fit snuggly against his torso, and the black shorts he was given showed off the feminine curve his body had. Izaya leaned closer to the mirror and looked at his face, his sunken sockets more noticeable than they were the last time he was able to take a good look over himself. He sighed, turned away from his image, and went for the bathroom door. Izaya stepped out into the hallway, and wasn't sure where exactly he should go. He held his disgustingly dirty clothes in his hands, and decided to return to the living room, hoping he'd be able to toss them in the wash.

Izaya's feet quietly patted against the wooden floor of Shizuo's apartment, his presence barely felt when he returned to the living room, taking in the image of Shizuo sitting on his couch, a controller in hand, his eyes locked on the TV, and fingers smashing quickly against the buttons. Kasuka sat on the floor, his back leaning against the couch, and a controller in his hand. After a moment the TV had dimmed while Shizuo snickered.

The room fell silent for a second before Kasuka puffed and then mumbled. "I don't get this game."

"You're only saying that because you're not winning~." Shizuo chuckled.

"I'm only not winning because I say that." Kasuka responded with. "I don't. Get it."

"Sucks to be you then." Shizuo leaned back in his couch and then looked over his shoulder to see Izaya. "Oh."

'_Oh?_ _Well it's nice to see you too, Ass.'_ Izaya thought to himself. Thankfully he didn't say it because Shizuo added on to his short message. "You feel any better?"

Izaya blinked, finding himself slightly nervous as he chewed his lip. "Mm. Yeah, a lot actually..."

"That's good..." Shizuo mumbled, turning his head back to the game, and then leaning forward and pulling out another controller from somewhere Izaya couldn't see. He held it up towards the man. "You want to join?"

Izaya would normally say "No," seeing as how video games weren't exactly his thing, but it was a rare occasion for him to be offered to join in on something, and he couldn't help but feel like it might be one of his last chances to let it happen. He nodded, setting his clothes down on a chair from the kitchen and then walking over to the couch, taking the controller from the blonde. Kasuka leaned forward to allow Izaya to take his seat and then sat back against the couch once Izaya got comfy. Izaya pulled his knees up to his chest, keeping his shoulders bent inward as to avoid brushing against Shizuo. He looked down at the foreign object in his hands and then up to the screen.

"Press start..." Shizuo mumbled, the twins waiting on him to join the game.

"Start...?" Izaya mumbled looking down at the buttons. His eyes scanned over the controller. He finally spotted the button before Shizuo could say something and he pressed it. "Ah~!" He smiled, feeling slightly accomplished.

After a moment, the screen went black, and then loaded the game data, bringing their characters on screen in their surroundings. Shizuo peeked over at Izaya. "You're the person on the bottom right of the screen."

"... Huh..." He mumbled, looking down at the controller again, and then pressing the 'X' button to find his character jumping. "Whoa…" Izaya mumbled. Shizuo turned to look at the man.

"... Have you _never_ played a video game before..?" Shizuo asked in what was meant to be a sarcastic manner.

"Nope." Izaya looked down at the controller again and pressed another button that seemed to intrigue him.

"Not _ONE_!"

"... I've... Never had an interest in them..." Izaya responded, looking over at Shizuo with a slight hint of embarrassment in his voice.

Meanwhile, Kasuka had taken the advantage of Izaya's distraction and found his older brother's character, completely slaughtering it. The sound effects of the murder drew both the blonde and black haired boys to the screen, Shizuo blinking before looking down at his smirking brother.

"What happened to 'I don't get it'? " Shizuo spat towards Kasuka. Kasuka smirked and then looked up at his brother. Shizuo rolled his eyes and then pressed start, freezing everyone's characters.

He turned to face Izaya, and leaned closer to him, reaching over to point out the controls. Izaya flushed slightly when Shizuo's hand brushed against his. He was never one that liked being touched, and when things were normal, he would've thrown his body away from the bartender, but it seemed unnecessary now. "You press this button to jump, that one to change weapons, that one to shoot, and then that one to throw something. The buttons on the top of the controller are for blocking, basically." Izaya watched Shizuo's fingers glide over the buttons, and then looked up towards the screen. "Got it?"

"Yeah, but..." Izaya looked down at the controller, clueless about the other buttons Shizuo hadn't spoken of. "How do I _move?_"

"..."

Kasuka laughed out loud, not bothering to hide it, Shizuo staring at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What? I told you I've never played before!"

"_Still."_ Shizuo emphasized. "It should be self-explanatory!"

"Well, it's not for me!" Izaya blushed. He hated being clueless on things, and something like this was especially embarrassing to him.

Shizuo shook his head, mumbling something to himself before pointing at the analog on the controller. "That thing. Just move it in the direction you want to go."

"Ah.." Izaya said looking down, and setting his index finger on it. Shizuo stared at the man for a moment longer before shaking his head, and then starting the game.

After spending a good hour or so on the video games, Izaya had learned one thing: He sucked. Miserably. Video games had never once interested him before, and after finally experiencing them hands-on, they never will interest him in the future. He'd given up after the first few rounds, putting the controller down and deciding that he'd just watch instead, and soon found himself lulling with sleep heavily pressing down on his shoulders. His head was pushing forward, but once gravity started to pull at him, Izaya snapped his head straight up again. He didn't know when he had eventually passed out, but when he did, his head ended up on Shizuo's shoulder, the bartender tensing up when the contact was made.

Shizuo glanced over at Izaya, his eye twitching to the touch. When he looked down, he saw that Izaya had completely passed out on him.

Kasuka looked up after seeing the slight movement out of the corner of his eye, and let out another rare chuckle of his. "Boy, Izaya is just all over you."

Shizuo shot his brother a look. "Don't say that." He set down his controller, and gently turned so that he wouldn't disturb Izaya. Shizuo lightly pulled the small man up and carried him bridal style - for it was the easiest was to carry him - and then let out a yawn himself as he went to put Izaya in the Guest Room.

Kasuka set his controller down as well and then stood up to turn the gaming console off. The room went dark when he did, and even darker when he shut off the TV. "You couldn't have waited until there was a light on to do that?" Shizuo commented.

"Nuh-uh." Kasuka breathed. "Everything's better in the dark."

"I told you to stop with that."

"Stop with what? I was just sayin - Oooh, you thought I was referring to Izaya and you?" Kasuka gave a fake laugh. "'Nii-san that's naughty."

If looks could kill, Kasuka would've been slaughtered. "..." Shizuo felt his jaw clamp together as he shot Kasuka an evil look though the man couldn't see it in this dark room. "Save the acting for your job, Kasu."

Kasuka smiled before he flicked a light on, allowing the hidden objects that the two most likely would've tripped over to be seen. Shizuo turned to him, while Izaya lay sound asleep against him. "Where are you sleeping?"

"I think I'll sleep with you, 'Nii-san."

"Good, then go make the bed."

* * *

In the morning, Izaya's red eyes blinked open, his body comfortable with a good night's sleep for what seemed like such a long time. He let out a yawn and sprawled his body out on the bed, giving his limbs a good stretch. He laid there for a moment, and looked around the room he was in.

It was a simple room, a desk off in the corner, and a tall dresser in the opposite corner. There was a closet door to the right of the bed, and then the bed itself settled against the wall, sticking out into the middle of the room. Izaya knew that he hadn't walked in here himself last night. How nice of Shizuo to put him to bed like this.

A tingling feeling hit Izaya's bladder, which indicated to him that it was time to get up. He sat up on the bed and then rubbed his eyes, letting out another yawn before walking towards the door. He had no clue what time it was either, but he still had to go to the bathroom regardless.

His hand met the doorknob and went to turn it, only to feel it lock in place. Izaya let his eyes travel down to the knob. "What the...?" He mouthed as he leaned closer to see that the lock was on the _other_ side of the door. He let out an aggravated sigh to this. Izaya supposed that he couldn't blame the blonde for doing it, but _God damn_ he had to pee!

Izaya felt stupid doing so, but he held his hand up and then rapped against the door. "Hello..?" He called. He waited for a moment only to be met with silence. Izaya knocked again, and was once again, unanswered. He groaned and then spun around to scan the room, knowing that no one was going to open the door for him.

His eyes landed on the desk and he moved towards it, scanning the top of it for something and then going into the drawers. He almost gave up on the near-empty desk, but found a stash of different sized paper clips. Izaya stared at it in thought for a moment before deciding that it'd be the best he could find for opening the door.

Izaya took out several paper clips and bent them in ways until he was satisfied and then tried fitting them in the key lock. Some were too thin, and others were too thick. It took him a few tries to finally find one that'd fit nicely into it, and when he did, he had to take it out numerous amounts of times to re-shape it. He was fidgeting with it now, rattling it in the lock as his other hand held onto the knob. "Come _on_!" Izaya leaned upward, pressing his chest against the door as he tried to get another position for the paperclip. Just as he did so, there was a slight '_pop'_ noise and Izaya slowly brought his hand to twist the knob, it no longer locking in place.

Izaya smiled to himself as he slowly pushed the door open. "Ahahah~!" He snickered, standing up and heading straight for the bathroom.

* * *

The flush of a toilet stirred Shizuo from sleep, though he told himself that it was probably Kasuka, but when he adjusted his arm, and felt it hit the body next him, his eyes snapped open. He looked over at his brother sleeping soundly next to him, and then flung himself out of bed. It was a silly thought to think that Izaya might've gotten re-possessed overnight and would do something with the toilet, but he couldn't help but fear that.

Shizuo stepped out into the hall, his eyes darting towards the bathroom door, which was open. He walked down by the guest room he had Izaya in and stared at the way it seemed to have been opened like a regular door. He examined the door knob for a moment, locking one side and twisting the other to see if it worked. He... Had locked it last night, hadn't he?

The sound of sizzling brought Shizuo out of his trance. He left the door open, about to turn around when he stepped on something. Looking down, Shizuo felt his eyebrow twitch at seeing all the paper clips bent up on the floor. The damn flea picked the lock. With a fucking paper clip!

He let out a sigh, thankful that at least he wasn't a spazzing freak today. Shizuo walked out into the living room, peeking into the kitchen to see Izaya at the stove. He was just making himself damn welcome, now wasn't he? The blonde was trying to think of something to do to him, seeing as how he was completely distracted at the moment, but he apparently was taking too much time to think on it, because Izaya spun his head to look over at the blonde. "Mornin'." He chimed and went back to cooking whatever he was cooking. Shizuo scrunched his eyebrows together and then stepped into the kitchen, poking his head in the fridge for a glass of milk.

He pulled one out and cracked it open, looking over at what Izaya was cooking. He wasn't going to lie, it smelled and looked pretty good, but he'd never let it show on his face. Shizuo took a sip of the milk and then let out a yawn, pulling out one of the chairs and sitting down. "You picked that lock?" Shizuo asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"I had to pee, and no one was coming to unlock it for me." Izaya responded with, lowering the heat level of the stove.

"Yeah, I heard the toilet."

"The flushing of a toilet wakes you up, but when I'm knocking on the door and calling out for someone, you don't wake up to that?" Shizuo shrugged and took another drink of his milk. Izaya rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything else. He flipped the food on the skillet and ran the spatula through it. After a moment of silence, Izaya decided to speak up. "You know… If you're that worried I'm going to resort back to how I was only a day ago, I'd suggest a stronger lock than that. Maybe a dead bolt or something?"

Shizuo blinked and looked up at Izaya. Was he suggesting to be locked in the room? "A _dead bolt?_ How do I know you're not suggesting that because you can pick that one too?"

"Ahah!" Izaya chuckled. "I'm flattered you think I'm that skilled..." Izaya turned off the stove, and then set the cooking utensil down. "Where are your plates?" He asked. Shizuo pointed to a cabinet and Izaya walked over to it, pulling its doors open and smiling when he spotted them. He pulled two out, figuring Kasuka would get it himself when he woke up.

Izaya set a plate full of the food down in front of the blonde and handed him something to eat it with. Izaya took a seat across from Shizuo and watched, not touching his food until he saw the blonde eat. Shizuo looked down at the food, feeling slightly afraid of tasting it. He felt Izaya's eyes on him and started to feel like he'd poisoned the food or something. Izaya saw the hesitation and felt his lips pull downward. Shizuo stirred the food around for a moment before finally bringing himself to taking a small taste. Izaya's eyes seemed to light up slightly, watching as the blonde chewed the food.

Shizuo couldn't really believe what he was eating. The second he bit into the food, his taste buds exploded. _This_ came from the _flea? _He couldn't believe it. He almost refused to. It tasted... So _good, _and that was coming from him, the picky eater out of his family.

Izaya read his expression differently though. His shoulders slouched a bit and he chewed his lip. "You don't have to eat it if you don't want to… I know I'm not the greatest cook and all..."

Shizuo didn't bother to answer that. Instead, he ate more of the food. Izaya watched and raised an eyebrow. Now he wasn't too sure exactly what the man thought about it. Shizuo looked down at the food as he chewed a mouthful, stuffing more and then washing it down with his milk. Izaya decided not to worry about it anymore and then took some of his own and chewed it. He was trying to get himself to spit out the hidden meaning behind making the food in the first place. Izaya nervously put more food in his mouth, as if to keep himself from talking. After all, what he wanted to say wasn't something the informant was used to even thinking about to anyone, let alone this man. Still, he steadied his breathing and looked towards the man sitting across from him.

"Shizuo." The blonde blinked then gazed at Izaya and hummed his response. "I..." Izaya felt his eyes wander downward, and he quickly snapped them back up. With another look at the man, Izaya relaxed slightly; trying to forget the past they had to make it easier for him to talk. "Um..." Why was this so _hard_ for him to say?

"What?" Shizuo urged, raising an eyebrow at the way Izaya was fidgeting about.

"Give me a minute! It's not easy for me to say this!"

Shizuo rolled his eyes and went back to eating, finishing what was left on his plate, and then downing the rest of his milk. He went back to Izaya and was beginning to grow impatient. "Just spit it out, my lord..."

"I'm just..." Izaya bit his lip and looked to the side. "I'm trying to say 'thank you'." After he'd gotten that out the rest of what he really wanted to say seemed to begin to flow easier. "I really appreciate the fact that you're taking your time to help me when, in truth, I don't think there would've been anyone else that would've... I probably would've killed myself by now if you hadn't put so much effort into helping me, and, even though I know you're only doing it because you've got that 'good guy' instinct, I still...really appreciate it." Izaya's voice dropped a few notches as he brought his eyes up towards Shizuo's mocha ones. "... So, thanks..."

Shizuo was at a loss for words. He felt like he should check the man's temperature and see if he was all right, but, he knew Izaya was genuinely thanking him. It was strange. It wasn't what Shizuo was used to seeing from this man, and it felt out of place. He felt like he was seeing a whole new person with this, and it frightened him. "Yeah...You're welcome..?"

"Shizu-ch-" Izaya cleared his throat. "Shizuo." He stated then, smiling and letting out a small laugh. "Why do you say it like it's a question?"

"Because I'm terrified." Izaya tilted his head to the side as if to ask 'of what?'. "_You_ just told _me_ 'thank you'. That's hard to take considering all things before. And besides," Shizuo pushed his plate forward and then placed his arms down on the table. "Why don't you act like this more often? You're more likeable this way..."

Izaya looked down and smiled, though his face looked rather sad. "I _am_ like this, Shizuo. You've just never given me the light of day..." He mumbled.

Shizuo blinked, staring at Izaya. The man had often put him at a loss for words before, but this went beyond that. It made Shizuo feel... Guilty. Just then he saw something in Izaya he never seemed to notice before. The guy was lonely. Probably even more than Shizuo was. He at least had Kasuka, but who did Izaya have? His sisters hated him, and the blonde didn't know much about his parents, he just knew that they weren't in his life either. As far as friends went, there really wasn't much to speak for. In fact, Izaya's closest human relationship with anyone was probably Shizuo himself. The blonde turned away from him, taking in a quiet breath.

"No one really has..." Izaya mumbled to himself afterwards. He seemed to have lost himself in thought after saying it, and hadn't realized just how much of his inner self he revealed to the blonde. Once he brought his mind away from where it was, Izaya shook his head. "Ah, but that doesn't matter now anyway." He started, putting on a smile. "As I was saying earlier. If you really don't want me getting out of that room, you should invest in a better lock, preferably one that sits on one side of the door. I know you only went with that lock because you have a strong guilty conscience~." Izaya waved a finger in the air. "Now what if I had resorted back to my previous methods and broke through that door, while managing to slip into your bedroom at night, and slitting your throat before you'd have the chance to wake - I've learned this morning you're not much of a light sleeper - you'd end up dead all because you felt bad for locking a loony up improperly in your guest room."

Shizuo was staring at Izaya, almost in disbelief. In mere seconds he went from being depressed to switching it into a chipper mood. He blinked after all the suggestive information Izaya spewed sunk into his head. "I... Guess so..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "So what? You want to go out lock shoppin' or something?"

"... What? With me..?"

"Yeah with you, who else?" Izaya's mouth opened about to suggest Kasuka, but Shizuo cut him off. "Believe it or not, Kasuka sleeps heavier than I do. He won't be up for another two hours or so."

Izaya looked stunned. "O-oh..." He then looked over himself. "Ah, I can't go out looking like this though! And I haven't gotten the chance to wash my other clothes either."

Shizuo stood up, putting his plate in the sink and then walking back towards the hall. "Kasuka's bound to have some clothes you'd wear." He stopped and looked over his shoulder at Izaya. "You coming? I can't try on his clothes for you…"

"Oh... Right." Izaya mumbled, taking another bite out of his food and then standing up to follow the man.

* * *

**A/N:** This might possibly be my last fast update for the week. I'll be back in school on Tuesday, sadly. Anyways, I'm letting you guys know ahead that there won't be anymore "suspenseful" scenes until about two chapters from now? I'm trying to get through this next part, and then we're movin' on towards the middle of the story! (Yes. Middle. We're only that far.)

Replies to Reviews:

_cagallikushinarafika : (Your name confuses me every time I look at it xD) Well, I hope your exams go (went?) good! I'm so glad you love this xD Updates are going back to normal after this though D8_

_CgB: Ahah xD No, it's fine. It's hard to offend me through these things, trust me. (Trust me~, Trust me~ -ahem-) WELL THEN GO AHEAD AND BOTHER. And NO. I love YOU more. (Ahah xD)_

_Crackyficwriter not logged in : (I'm leaving the "not logged in" part every time it says that xD) And it was all such luck :'D I was so happy when I decided to look them up and my brain pieced things together for them to fit xD_

_I feel as though I skipped some responding to reviews. If that was you, I'm sorry xD _

Thank you everyone that's Alerted/Favorited/Reviewed this story as of late. c:


	13. Chapter 13

**Characters: **Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating: ** M

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own Durarara! Or any of its characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self

* * *

Izaya felt extremely strange walking around Ikebukuro. If he were by himself, it might not have been as awkward, but since he was out with Shizuo, and in his brother's clothing, he couldn't help but feel like he had a huge sign over his head that said "_LOOK AT ME!"_ He was wearing a black slim skin-tight jeans, that made his thighs feel like they couldn't breathe, as well as his hips hurt slightly since Kasuka was _just_ a size too tight for the informant. His calves felt tightly engulfed in the jeans, and his ankles itched with how the material clung to them. The shirt he was wearing had actually been similar to his black v-neck, but it was tighter, short sleeved, and was decorated with an abstract blob of neon colors, that included some chibi dinosaur character in it. It made him feel completely awkward so he borrowed one of Kasuka's jackets as well, that being a simple black zip up hoodie. If he were to describe how he felt, it was that he was trying too hard to feel like a teenager again, and whether it was the uncomfortable jeans, or him personally, he didn't like it.

At least the pants made his ass look amazing though. He wouldn't be surprised if the younger Heiwajima wore these a size too tight for that sole reason. Izaya happened to notice when he was waiting on Shizuo to buy the lock they'd finally gotten. He noticed his reflection in the shining metal of one of the department doors and nearly cursed out loud with how much the clothing revealed of his figure. He checked back on Shizuo and then twisted his body around to look and second-guessed his disliking for the jeans. Sure, it felt like he was loosing circulation in his legs, but _God_ did it look good on him.

Shizuo happened to catch him while Izaya was examining his reflection and was trying to keep from giving himself away by biting down on his lip and suppressing his laughter. Izaya heard the slight squirm of laughter and then turned to see the blonde and immediately went to defend himself. "What? You don't ever check yourself out every once in a while?" Though Izaya's red face said otherwise.

"No, I can't say I have, actually." Shizuo snickered.

"You don't ever look yourself over?"

"Look myself over, yes. But stand in front of my own reflection and examine my ass, no. I really don't think I've ever done that."

Izaya rolled his eyes, knowing that would be the one thing Shizuo was going to hold against him now and for ever. "Well! I'm not used to wearing something like this, God forbid I decide to see what it's doing for me."

"You look fine, damn." Shizuo sighed out, and the second they pulled outside he pulled a cigarette out, lighting it.

Izaya made a disgusted face to the smoke, and then attempted to pull the jacket further down to cover his butt. "My butt feels_ huge_ though. I feel part black or something with these on."

"Turn around." Shizuo puffed out. Izaya rose an eyebrow at him and he shook his head. "I'm not gonna do anything, just turn around." Izaya reluctantly turned around, looking back as he did so. Shizuo's eyebrows lifted up in a slight surprise. "Huh." He then turned away, and Izaya spun back to his normal position to catch up to his side.

" 'Huh' What?" Izaya asked.

"Nothing." Shizuo hummed as he wrapped the plastic bag around his wrist. "You just sound like a chick with your bitchin'." Though that wasn't what Shizuo wanted to say at all. He would agree on the fact that those jeans did well to compliment Izaya's lower half.

"...Oh." Izaya crossed his arms. "So you asked me to turn around so you could..do what exactly?"

"See what you were bitchin' about."

"..." Izaya sighed. A small silence settled in and Izaya went to say something about how he didn't want anyone to see him like this, but stopped himself when he realized that Shizuo would probably classify that as bitching too. He felt his eyes wander over to the tall man, looking over the typical bar-tender outfit he wore, and then up towards his face. His eyes traced along his profile, and then up towards the bangs that dangled just above his coffee colored eyes. Izaya then examined Shizuo's messy hair altogether before returning to the topic they were last on. "If I could have things my way, I'd walk around naked." He stated as he tore his gaze away from the man and towards the way they were walking.

Shizuo closed his eyes and shook his head, like he misheard what the man said. "Wait, _what?"_

"I said I'd walk around naked. Clothes are such a hassle."

"Don't tell me you're one of those people that walk around their house nude?"

"Bah! I wish. Did you see my window? People would be able to see _everything_ and I don't need that." Izaya chuckled to himself and then perked an eyebrow in Shizuo's direction. "Though I have slept naked before."

Shizuo held his mouth open trying to think of how to reply. "I...can't say I've ever done that..." He decided on.

Izaya blinked at him. "You've never slept naked before?"

"No."

"Really?" Izaya breathed. "Not even after sex or something?"

"Err...No." Shizuo looked off to the side feeling slightly awkward.

"You say that like you haven't ever had sex before.." Izaya stated, watching the man for his reaction.

"Well..Eh." Shizuo scratched his face in contemplation. "I have, but it was only once.."

"Oh...?" Izaya laughed to himself. "No wonder why you're so angry all the time. "

Shizuo rolled his eyes. "Just because I don't get laid all the time like you do, doesn't mean I'm frustrated or anything. I'm perfectly content with myself."

"Why do you assume that I get laid all the time?"

"You talk like you do." Shizuo switched the plastic bag between his hands. "Are you saying you don't then?"

"..." Izaya stuffed his hands in his pockets. "What're we doing talking about this anyways?"

"You're the one that went off on a tangent with your naked subject." Shizuo pointed out. "But, you don't then? Is that what you're saying?"

"Oh my, my Shizuo, I'm impressed with your choice of words. Using a typical math term in a conversation. I didn't realize you had a hidden vocabulary!" Izaya smirked.

"Are you avoiding the quesion?" Shizuo laughed.

Izaya stared at Shizuo blankly, not liking that what he just said went in one ear and out the other of the blondes. "..." He was quiet for a moment before rolling his eyes. "No, I am _not_ avoiding the question. I just find it rather tasteless." Izaya said. "So anyways-"

"You are _so_ avoiding it." Shizuo realized, seeing a faint blush on the informants' face. "What're you embarrassed about? You're not a virgin, are you?"

"What do you consider 'virgin'?" Izaya responded with.

"What kind of question is that? Have you banged someone or not?"

"Have _I_ banged someone?" Izaya let out a long breath. "No, I haven't. So yes, I am a virgin in that sense." Shizuo peered at the man for a moment. It took Izaya a minute to feel the man's gaze and when he did, he nearly flinched. "What?"

"What do you mean 'in that sense' ?" Shizuo asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You're getting rather nosey now, don't you think?"

"But you weren't a moment ago?" Shizuo responded with. Izaya stared at him, before biting his lip.

"If you were _smart_, you'd have been able to figure it out..." Izaya twirled out of his step and then spun to face Shizuo, walking backwards and adding bounce to his walk. "Before we continue any further, am I to assume that I'm staying with you for some time?"

"Isn't that what this was for?" Shizuo held up the bag he was holding and Izaya smiled.

"Yes, so then would it be too much to ask for us to stop by my place so I can grab some things? Preferably my computer?"

"Right...Now..?" Shizuo mumbled, not wanting to go near the man's home.

"If it isn't too much of a hassle...We're pretty much on the way there as it is, so I figured it wouldn't be that much of a problem..."

"Do you really need your computer?"

Izaya stared at Shizuo with a blank face. He realized that he didn't want to go, but of all the things he could've said. "Did you really just ask that?" Shizuo was going to say something to that, but Izaya cut him off and continued. "I don't really want to go back there that much either...but it's the middle of the day at least, and I don't really want to risk having my information all there after my absence with my work and all..." Izaya trailed off before looking over at the blonde.

Shizuo sighed knowing that it was a reasonable request. He rubbed his forehead and then let his arm drop to his side. "We're grabbing your big computer...? Will that hook up in my house...?"

"You're technologically illiterate, aren't you?"

"Close to it."

"Hah, well, I was thinking about just my laptop, but, you'd be able to carry that back, wouldn't you? I could carry my laptop and the other things I wanted to grab.."

"Fine. But if you start to act up while we're there, I'm bashing that thing over your head."

Izaya smiled. "As long as you don't break my skull, but manage to break the tower, that's fine by me."

"Tower...?"

"Yes. The tall metal th- Oh never mind." Izaya sighed as they changed their destination towards his apartment.

* * *

"Oh God..." The informant stared wide-eyed in the entry way of his apartment. His face went pale to the site, and his body was frozen in place. Somewhere in his shock, he'd managed to bring his hands to his face and over his mouth. He ran them through his hair before dragging them back over his skin and covering his eyes. "Please tell me this isn't happening..." He mumbled, and after a ten-second count, Izaya opened his eyes again and let out a rather defeated sounding sigh. He took a slow step into the place and then seemed to twinge in pain with every further examination.

Shizuo stood awkwardly at the door, not understanding what torture Izaya was going through, but knowing full well that this had to of been similar to what his mid-life crisis would've looked like. Shizuo bit his lip as he stepped in after the infor-well, he supposed after this, it was now _ex-_informant- and let his eyes scan around the place.

There were papers _everywhere_. It was near impossible to take a step and not be on top of a sheet of paper. The shelves of books that rested against the wall had been toppled over, the books all scattered about, pages bent, and covers suffering under the pressure of the heavy book cases. There were other things that looked to have been ransacked, clothes scattered about and, what seemed to have been the biggest heart break for Izaya, computer pieces tossed as far as the cords would allow them to go.

Izaya stumbled his way over to the torn apart Mac tower and dropped on his knees when he examined the inside of the machine. He ran his finger over some items, identifying what they were in his mind. His head lifted up to see that his monitor had been smashed in, the screen completely broken. His crimson eyes scanned over his desk, looking past the turned over chair and towards where his laptop normally sat. He didn't see it anywhere, or any of its pieces. Ducking his head under the desk, Izaya immediately spotted the carrying bad that he'd sometimes place his laptop in. A small sliver of hope ran through him as he snatched it up and unzipped the bag. His heart jumped slightly with relief as he saw that one of his precious items had been saved from the brutality that had befallen his other valuables.

He would've much rather of had his laptop murdered than his desktop, but there were important things on both devices, so he was thankful to at least have one sparred. He zipped the case back up and then gave himself a moment to gather before pushing up off the ground. He set the laptop case on the desk and then went to investigate further.

Shizuo had gone and decided to look around for anything that might've held any importance to Izaya, and had found the man's extremely complex cell phone, along with gathering a few of the clothes that were on the ground. Even though this had to of been miserable for Izaya, Shizuo was actually glad that he didn't have to suffer through the creepy feeling that he'd get if he had to go and gather clothes from Izaya's room. His spine was tingling with that chill he got the last time he was here, and he was doing all he could to avoid letting his eyes travel up towards Izaya's bedroom. Shizuo hadn't even realized when his heart had sped up, his hands tightening into a fist in Izaya's clothing, no doubt putting a bad wrinkle into it. Shizuo stepped out towards Izaya and took in a breath, trying to appear as calm as he could. He watched as Izaya was bent down, looking at a pile of messed up papers, and flipping through them, examining his information. His eyebrow twitched, and Shizuo was sure he heard some form of a growl escape the man.

Izaya clenched the paper in his hands before standing up and in a fit of fury threw the papers about and yelled. "Fuck!" He shouted. The papers fluttered and twirled about before drifting slowly back to the ground. Izaya let more of his frustration out by thrusting his foot through other papers, kicking them up into the air. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! _FUCK!"_ Izaya gripped his head, completely aggrivated by the situation. He tilted his skull upward and closed his eyes, counting to himself and taking in breaths. He wasn't one to loose his temper, and he wasn't going to allow it to be lost here, in front of one of the worst short-circuit person he knew.

Shizuo allowed the man to come back down from his anger before saying anything. He relaxed his grip on Izaya's clothes and then looked down at the phone he held. Nothing looked to be wrong with it, and he only hoped there wasn't. He wasn't sure about how he felt towards seeing an angry Izaya. "Izaya...? You might want these..." He mumbled.

Izaya stood motionless for a long moment, making it seem like he had just ignored Shizuo, but then let out a sigh and turned towards him, taking the phone and merely glancing at his clothes. Izaya then glanced at one of the pair of pants Shizuo was holding and then grabbed it from him, dishing his hands into the pockets before eventually pulling his wallet out of one of them. He opened it and then checked the contents, not finding a single thing missing, the money was even still in there. "What the hell..." He mumbled before glancing down at his phone. Nothing wrong there. "Shizuo." He said, the blonde looking at him as Izaya made his way over back to his desk and grabbed the laptop. He then pointed down towards the destroyed tower. "Grab that and try not to let any of the computer pieces fall out of that."

Shizuo stared at the man for a second, not liking the sudden command that he threw into his tone. Sure, Shizuo said he'd carry it, but to be _ordered_ to? The bartender dismissed the thought and then walked over to the trashed tower and thought for a moment before picking it up and resting it on top of his shoulder, resting his hand against the front corner that was closets to him. He turned back to Izaya. "Anything else?"

Izaya stared down at his phone, looking at something on there for a moment before slipping it into his pocket of the ever so unfortable jeans he wore and then turned towards the door. "No."

* * *

**A/N:** Goddammit... I was finishing up editing this and hit a button that refreshed the page, having it going completely to the un-edited version... o_e I do not enjoy doing things twice over. Especially writing...

Oh well, So, this chapter is a little on the short side compared to my more recent chapters, and that being because I plan on the next one being rather jammed packed with a lot of information. Pay attention next time. Read it twice. Figure stuff out, and feel smart. Well, I had planned on this story to be rather long, but after re-reading what I had so far, I realized that the next ark I wanted to do, really served no purpose to the story, so I've completely cut that out, bringing us closer towards the end of this. I predict it to be over in around 5-6 more chapters. So depressing, isn't it? (-totally wants to finish this story so I can work on my other idea-)

Anyways, I was thinking about possibly posting a foot note type thing as the last chapter, like to point out the connections or answer questions like "_I still don't get it, why was there _?"_ That kind of thing. Good idea? Bad? Lemme know.

_Replies:_

_cagallikushinarafika : Yes it did. This chapter and the next one will be on that as well, I believe. I think the next one you all might enjoy P: Sadly, it's back to the slow-paced updating. Though I did get grounded, so I might have more free-time to write.. That's good! I'm actually doing an exam next week ._. not looking forward to it..._

_Lo- Do you have the Rating category set to "All" ? Because FanFic likes to set it to K-T. I changed my rating from T to M after one of the chapters, so it won't show as recently updated unless you allow M stories to show. Bonding is lovely~ and up until this update, i had xD But now I'm back into the weekly, if not longer, updates._

_CgB- ahah xD It depends on the game for me. I'm either really good, or horrible. That's... a lot of love. But I love you more than the amount of atoms in the world. Ahah xD I just listened to it a moment ago. I'm normally playing techno when writing in my stories xD_

_crackyficwriter roflmao - (Ahah, you changed it!) As long as you're reading it I suppose? xD I'm glad you like it. There will be more adorableness in random sections of upcoming chapters x3_

I apologize for the long Author Note. Again, I thank you for reviewing/favoriting/alerting my story. I appreciate it.


	14. Chapter 14 Part I

******Characters:**Shizuo x Izaya

******Rating:**M

******Disclaimer:**I do not own Durarara! Or any of its characters.

******Full Summary:**Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting anyone else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self

* * *

**_Part 1_**

* * *

Izaya chewed his lips as his mind thundered, the birth of a headache slowly forming with the work he was doing. Ignoring it, he twisted his body to the side and picked up a small screw driver amongst the plenty that Shizuo had laid out for him. Turning back, Izaya dug the tool into the tower he had Shizuo carry back, and after a slight twist, popped a piece back onto the computer, taking away from the pile of computer parts he'd accumulated over the past few hours. Izaya pulled back for a moment and then rubbed his eyes. He was undoubtedly tired, but there was still a small burning flame of rage inside him that pushed him to finish this tedious task. The sound of slight shuffling from the kitchen would distract him every now and then, but for the most part, his attention stayed on the computer. "Shinra's supposed to stop by and take a look at you soon... And then I'll be off to work after that..." Izaya let the voice slip passed him, being too focused on the work in front of him. He compared pieces from the computer, trying to recognize what they were before setting one aside and working on the other.

Izaya hadn't heard or noticed Shizuo approach him until he felt warm steam brushing against his skin, a welcoming aroma traveling with it. He blinked and then looked over to see the blonde leaning down and handing him a mug filled with coffee, the color matching Shizuo's equally warm eyes. Izaya put down the tool in his hand to accept the drink and without even asking what was in it, went to gulp a good quarter of it down.

"You never went to bed, did you?" Shizuo said after Izaya was licking the frothy substance off of his upper lip.

Izaya glanced up at him and smirked. "I guess you bought that lock for nothing then, hn?"

The joke went over Shizuo's head, and he let out a rather worried sighed. Shizuo couldn't help but feel worried after how Izaya had reacted when they got home. He didn't even bother to sit down before pulling out his laptop and typing away at something that Shizuo didn't understand. After he finished that, Izaya went to studying and looking up computer chips, among other things and then began taking apart the trashed tower that he had carried back, not stopping at all the second that he got started. Shizuo tried to stay up with him, so that he could at least make sure that Izaya would remain himself, but he didn't last the whole night.

Izaya went back to taking another downing of his coffee before setting it aside. It wasn't that he was thirsty or anything, he just really needed the caffeine. Izaya picked up his tool again and went back to work. "What time did you pass out last night?" He asked.

"I dunno…" Shizuo mumbled. "Shouldn't you give yourself a break? You've been working at that non-stop since we got home."

Izaya chuckled. "You say 'home' as if this is partly mine." Shizuo ignored the comment. "I'm almost done now, there's no point in taking a break with only so little to go."

"Izaya..." Shizuo breathed out.

The raven haired man turned to him and cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

"Really, you've gotten barely any rest since everything went down with your wrist, and you're already overworking yourself with this..." Shizuo shifted his weight onto one foot and continued on. "Isn't it a bit soon to be rushing back into work?"

"Shizu-chan, I'm really glad you're so worried over me, but honestly, I'm fine." He turned to look up at the blonde and smiled. "I'm used to doing this all the time anyways."

"You're used to spending hours trying to re-build your computer? Is that a hobby for you or something?"

"Shouldn't I be the one saying the smart-ass remarks?" Izaya responded with. Shizuo rolled his eyes and looked off to the side, not liking that Izaya wasn't taking this serious in any way at all. "As I said, I appreciate the concern, but I'd like to get this done."

"But what about what happened with your apartment? Do you even have a clue as to who did that..?"

"No, Shizu-chan. I don't." Izaya sighed out, beginning to grow impatient with him.

"And we still don't know anything about your wrist either. Has your bruise even cleared up at all?"

"Nope." Izaya stretched out his arm, revealing the wrist and showing that if anything, it had spread out more. Shizuo made a slightly disgusted face as the other pulled it away and went back to work.

"There's also the whole memory issue too..." Shizuo added. "I don't get how that happened..."

"I don't either, and I most likely won't. Now if you don't mind, I would _really_ like to just get back to work on this." Izaya requested, wishing that Shizuo didn't have anything else to point out.

Shizuo stared down at the smaller man, growing frustrated with the lack of care that Izaya was showing. All of this was important stuff, and the only thing that he could worry about was that damn computer. "How can you sit there and blow this all off like it's nothing? I thought you were supposed to be smart?" Shizuo's voice strengthened in tone without him realizing it. "Izaya, you've got so many other things to be worrying-"

"-I _KNOW!_" Izaya cut in, his patience running out. "I _know_ that!" Izaya threw the screw driver down and stood up to face Shizuo. "I know that I'm fucked right now! I know! I don't need you preaching it in my ear constantly when I'm _trying_ to forget about it!" Izaya was now showing just how physically frustrated he really was, his ability to cover it up being remarkable up until that point. Shizuo was caught off guard at the outburst, and watched as Izaya brought a hand up to cover his mouth, a slight sharp intake of air sounded from withholding a sob. "Please Shizuo, _please_! Stop reminding me! I can't do anything about it..." He looked up at the blonde, pulling his hand away attempting to compose himself, but his hands were still shaking. "I don't have the answers to everything, unlike you think I do... Just...Please." He let his head hang low for a moment, Shizuo feeling an impulse jolt through him that he could only hold back for a small moment. "Forget about it… Let me for - _Mmmf!"_

Izaya's eyes snapped wide open when he felt skin smack against his lips. The motion was so quick, his brained stalled in comprehending it. The first thing that Izaya really understood was that Shizuo had grabbed his shoulders, holding him in place. The second thing was that he had pulled him closer. The third thing?

They were kissing.

After being dumbfounded into not reacting, Izaya felt Shizuo quickly pull away, his face glowing red. "I- I don't know why I did that..." He mumbled, looking away from Izaya. Izaya's eyes stared forward blankly, his hand slowly reaching up to brush against his lips as if to recreate the feeling. Shizuo stuttered again, going into a slight panic after not receiving much of a reaction from Izaya. "I- I _really_ don't know why I did that..."

Izaya let his eyes travel away from the lack of focus they were in, to the red-faced blonde standing in front of him. Without giving his actions any thought, Izaya flung himself at him, cutting Shizuo off from something else he was about to say when their lips met again. He latched his arms around Shizuo's neck, knocking the blonde off balance and taking the two fumbling backwards onto the couch they were near. After the slight interruption of landing, their lips locked once again, Izaya's tongue flickering against Shizuo's lips for only a short moment before the blonde mimicked the action. Shizuo instinctively reached his hand up and ran it through Izaya's soft and thin hair, pushing their mouths closer together. Their tongues twirled and pushed into one another's, their lips flickering against the warm and soft skin. They broke apart for a moment, their eyes locking with such intensity that sent both hearts racing. Shizuo stared deeply into the maroon pattern of Izaya's eyes, catching his reflection in the glossy shine of them and feeling something that he hadn't ever felt before pulse through him. He didn't waste another moment to pull Izaya's lips back into his, the smaller man complying completely with the action and gripping the back of Shizuo's neck as his chest naturally curved into the other mans.

The presence watching from the hallway went completely unnoticed by the two. Kasuka stared at the two, the normal deadpanned expression of his altered but only slightly, so little so that it would've gone unnoticed by anyone that had seen him. His mouth opened slightly as he watched the motion of his brother's jaw as the two we're eating each other's faces like a pair of teenagers. Kasuka let his eyes hold onto the image for a moment longer before he crept back into his room, remaining unnoticed to the pair.

In the rush of kissing, Izaya pulled his face away for a moment, only to feel the blonde locking his lips on to his cheek, his hands cupping Izaya's face in place as Shizuo worked his way from his addicting lips, passed his cheek and down his neck, finding a comfortable spot to kiss at, while his hands traveled along the form of Izaya's body. "Mmm..." Izaya breathed out as he rested his head by Shizuo's shoulder. Shizuo felt a sense of possession overcome him and continued to nip at the soft spot on Izaya's neck, wanting to leave a mark that he'd easily be able to recognize. Izaya didn't stop him from doing so; it was too easy to lose himself in the gentle touches. A small shiver of something pulsed through him, and it wasn't until the second or third time that he realized what had once been chills of pleasure, were now morphing into pain that pulsed through his veins with more power to each beat. He made an awkward face as Shizuo continued his caressing. Izaya's fingers clenched tightly around Shizuo's arms, the pain subsiding quickly as he did so. Izaya took a peek down at his wrist as if it could read his glare and decide not to ruin the moment he was having. Just as his eyes went to close to enjoy the touches on him, the sound of a doorbell rang through the room, shattering the atmosphere, and somehow, it seemed to split into Izaya's blood stream, sending the pain he had forced aside to burst through him with high intensity.

Izaya instantly threw himself backwards, yanking his arm close to him and letting out a window-shatter worthy scream. To this, Shizuo stared widely at him, his reaction delayed as Izaya started to curl into himself. Shizuo placed his hands on Izaya's biceps, his heart sinking when he realized that his pain was coming back to him.

After the yell, the person outside hadn't bothered to wait for someone to answer and quickly let themselves in. Shizuo merely glanced up to see Shinra, who quickly rushed to the informant's side. Izaya let his head roll backwards as he bit down on his lip, and if it weren't for Shizuo holding him up straight, Izaya would've let his body fall backwards on the couch. "Ahh... No, not now..." Izaya groaned as he gripped his wrist tightly.

Shinra glanced up at Shizuo, his eyes holding worry in them. "I'm taking it that he hasn't gotten any better…"

"He was fine up until just now!" Shizuo looked as if he didn't know what to do. Shinra glanced back at Izaya and thought a moment. "I guess now's a good time to ask if you figured anything out?" Shizuo asked.

"Is it?" Shinra chuckled and then reached down into his bag he brought with him. "Sadly, I haven't figured out much of anything..." He pulled out a needle that had an interesting colored liquid inside. "Hold his arm down, he isn't going to like this."

Izaya took a glance at the needle and then at Shizuo, the words Shinra said worrying him_. ' Wouldn't like _what_?' _He thought to himself.

Shizuo didn't question him and placed his right hand against Izaya's shoulder, pushing him back onto the couch and then sliding his hand onto his bicep, while taking his left hand and holding down Izaya's palm, doing what he could to avoid touching Izaya's bruise. Shinra moved the needle closer to the bruise on his arm, making Shizuo worry slightly. "You're not... sticking that thing in there, are you?" Upon hearing those words, Izaya did what he could to try and pull his arm away from the blonde's grasp, but he could barely even move anything with the grip the other had on him. He still tried to no avail to avoid that needle.

Without answering him, Shinra injected the needle deeply into Izaya's bruise, putting his own hand down on Izaya to keep the area he injected steady so that he wouldn't break the needle. Izaya screamed to this and fought harder to get out of the grasp, kicking about and taking his other hand and throwing useless punches at Shizuo. He eventually gripped onto Shizuo's shoulder and tried to pull his hand out of its fixed position, but again was unsuccessful. "Get it ou- _AHH!"_ Izaya cut off into a scream, his nails digging into Shizuo's shoulder. He locked his jaw, struggling to keep himself from screaming again. Why was this happening _now! _He was doing fine the entire week he had been over here, and he didn't even feel anything that normally indicated he'd be experiencing this soon.

Shinra carefully removed the needle from Izaya's skin, a clear substance engulfing the pierced area along with some blood that looked watered down. Shizuo took his eyes off of the nasty sight after the slight puncture appeared to have some kind of pus-like substance flowing out. Shinra adjusted his glasses while examining it, and then pulled a cotton ball over it, cleaning it up. "Huh…" He breathed as he lifted the cotton ball up and placed a larger band aid over it.

Within moments, Izaya's body began to instantly relax, his eyes relaxing as his lids lightly brushed over them. He let out a breath and his whole body seemed to go limp. Shizuo raised an eyebrow at Izaya and then hesitated as he began to loosen his grip on him. He let go and then relaxed himself. "What did you give him..?"

"Something to keep certain nerves from working." Shinra explained, delicately taking Izaya's hand in his and bringing the bruise closer to his face for inspection.

"... Is that... A good thing to do..?"

Shinra pulled away and went into his bag to pull out some bandage wrap. "I'm not too sure actually. When I was looking over all the stuff I found, it seems that only a specific part of Izaya's nerve system reacts to the pain, and with that I tried to make something that would block those nerves... I didn't get to test it out though. Hope it doesn't kill him." Shinra concluded.

"K- kill him! You gave him something that you haven't even used yet!" Shizuo choked out.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. It wasn't like I started from scratch with this formula. I merely added on to it." Shinra smiled as he began wrapping Izaya's wrist. "So far, it seems to have worked rather effectively."

Shizuo took Izaya's other arm and picked it up, holding it lightly before letting it drop limply to his side, the informant not reacting at all. "I'll say..." He mumbled.

Shinra finished applying the bandages and then stood up, letting his eyes scan over Izaya. "You said he was fine up until now?"

"Yeah..."

"By 'now' you mean what time precisely?"

"Like... Now, now? There wasn't anything wrong with him until you literally got here."

"What?" Shinra asked scrunching his eyebrows together. "Gah! Am I some form of a trigger to Izaya's agony?" Shinra thought on the absurd idea before a voice interrupted them.

"Shizuo, Your work is calling." Kasuka poked his head around the corner, holding Shizuo's phone up as a melody played.

"Ah fuck!" Shizuo mumbled, getting up and heading over towards his younger brother. He grabbed the phone from him and answered it immediately, rushing into his room to get ready. "Hello? I'm sorry I didn't realize it was- Oh. Oh, no that's fine. Yeah, I'm not busy-" His voice cut off as the door to his room shut. Shinra stared down towards the hall and then looked over at Kasuka, ready to greet him when he noticed how intently he was staring at Izaya. It was a face that Shinra wasn't used to seeing on Kasuka and he was tempted to ask about it.

"Hello Shinra." He said, his eyes still on Izaya. Shinra blinked as Kasuka finally let his gaze leave him and then offered a warm smile. Shinra returned the smile.

"Hey Kasuka. I didn't know you were visiting."

"I wasn't supposed to be." He answered, and then went into the kitchen for some food, heading for the fridge first. His hand gripped around the white handle and pulled the door open, poking his head in it to see what all was inside.

"Oh? Why's that? I'd expect you to be constantly busy with your job and all."

"Eh, you could say I'm taking a small break." He closed the fridge without holding any food and then plopped down at the kitchen table. "Brother never has food in his house when I visit..."

Shinra snickered to the comment and then looked down to examine Izaya. "I think that's just something Shizuo fails to- Izaya, stop straining yourself and relax..." The brunette's eyes were less foggy than they were just a moment ago, but open none the less, and his fingers were twitching slightly as he tried to move. Shinra stared at him, his half-intimidating gaze repeating what he had just instructed, but he still didn't stop fidgeting his fingers about.

"How bothersome." Kasuka commented. Shinra sighed as he watched Izaya roll his eyes to the comment.

"W- what the hell did you give me..?" Izaya mumbled after working his mouth a bit.

"Something that's supposed to help you, but if you keep squandering, you'll cause it to wear off." Shinra crossed his arms as if to emphasize his words. "It's not good if you're already able to make coherent thoughts and motions..." After saying this, Izaya huffed and then decided to keep still, rolling his head on its side and exposing his neck. Izaya was definitely grateful that Shinra had found something that would make that pain disappear so quickly, but he never liked having any kind of unknown substance flowing through him, not to mention any that made him physically vulnerable to things. He didn't like the weird, numb like feeling that was coursing through him right now, but he would take it over that pain any day.

Shizuo interrupted his thoughts as he came walking back into the room, buttoning up his vest while holding his bowtie in his mouth. He popped up his collar and then laced the tie around his neck, making a rather sloppy bow and then folding the collar back down, not caring to fix it. "My shift got switched today so I'll be home late. If anything else happens, let me know." Shinra nodded, and with a wave Shizuo rushed out the door. Shinra shook his head while Kasuka propped his hand up and rested his cheek against it and Izaya sighed.

Shinra found his face in a confused matter yet again as his eyes landed on Izaya's neck. "...What is that?" He asked, though he had a good idea as to what it was. Kasuka glanced over at the two, but he couldn't see anything except Shinra and the back of Izaya's head. Izaya cocked an eyebrow at the doctor.

"What's what?"

Shinra looked around himself for a moment before going into his bag and pulling out a metal mirror, holding it up to Izaya so he could see. "That." Shinra said pointing to the reddish-purple spot on his neck. Izaya's face went red for a split second.

"Oh...Oh no," Izaya ran his finger over the mark. "Oh dear, I certainly hope that bruise isn't spreading." Shinra shot him a flat look that told Izaya he wasn't buying it at all. Izaya rolled his eyes. "What do you _think_ it is?"

"_WHY_ do you have a hickey on your neck?" Shinra flailed. "What, have you just been going off on a- … Wait a minute." Shinra looked closer at it, making Izaya turn his neck as to keep him from looking at it. "... That's... Fresh..?" He mumbled.

"Don't worry about it." Izaya said as he pushed Shinra's face away from him. Shinra gave him a questioning look before glancing over at Kasuka. Kasuka was playing with something on the table when he felt the gaze on him. He glanced up without his expression changing.

"What? You don't think I did that, do you?" Kasuka said. Shinra looked back to Izaya, biting the side of his cheek. Izaya smirked and then leaned in closer to Shinra. "I'll talk to you later about it." And with that the subject was dropped.

* * *

It was later in the day, now, Shinra helping Izaya with what he could though he hadn't received another drop of pain since Shinra arrived. The two had worked on fixing up Izaya's computer, Shinra knowing one or two things about computers, but not enough to take over for Izaya, who was now hooking it up to the TV, using that as a replacement for a monitor. Izaya had his laptop open on the desk and had spent some time getting back in contact with his customers. He was also happy to be out of Kasuka's smoldering clothes and back into his own, his jacket resting on the bed.

"_Whaaat?_ How did that happen?" Shinra exclaimed after Izaya had informed him on the cause of his visible hickey.

"You tell me." Izaya responded, turning the TV around to hook a wire to it. "One week we hate each other and the next I've got his tongue down my throat..."

"Did you not want that..?"

"..." Izaya pushed the cord into its corresponding spot and then straightened up. "I don't know..." He turned the TV on and then stepped back and took a seat next to Shinra on the bed. He sighed and leaned back on his hands. "I mean... In the given situation, one would assume that I'd be the character to begin to develop some sort of attraction towards the other through evolving appreciation, but I really don't understand how Shizuo was able to develop any form of feeling..."

"Why does it matter? It's Shizuo. Since when has he ever done something that's made sense?" Shinra pointed out.

Izaya couldn't help but laugh to that. "That's so true..." Izaya let his eyes focus on the floor for a long moment before going back up to Shinra. "What do you think though?"

"Think about what? You two? Shizuo?"

"Yeah, the whole thing."

"I barely believe it." Shinra said bluntly. "Due to your behavior in the past, I actually thought you were just trying to mess with me, but, I don't see how you could give yourself a hickey in the spot that it's in, and I don't even think you've had the time to think of something so ridiculous to do lately..." He then stood up and threw his hands together in a clap. "But! In the assumption that this is all true, I couldn't be any happier for you two... Or the many civilians whose lives have been threatened more than once due to the infamous disasters you two bring."

"I… Suppose that's a good reason to be happy..?" Izaya said it like he was questioning himself and then shook his head and leaned down to his tower, pushing the power button. He bit his lip in hopes that it'd work, his eyes on the screen as the tower hummed to life. The image booted up and within a minute the computer re-started. "Huh..." Izaya breathed, staring at his last saved desktop background. Shinra put a finger to his lip as he stared at the screen.

"Well... It works!" Shinra exclaimed.

"Yeah..." Izaya grabbed the mouse and used it to navigate the cursor to his files, opening them and seeing all of his information completely untouched. "Perfectly..."

"... You said someone broke into your apartment and that was how this got wrecked, right?"

"Yes." Izaya confirmed, checking all of his files just to make sure. "I was shocked enough to see that whoever did this left the hard drive intact... I was expecting them to have formatted it or something... But they really just... Took it apart basically..."

"That's... Strange." Shinra said thinking. "Have you talked to anybody about this yet?"

"I called Shiki, but I didn't tell him anything about this… I wanted to see if he already knew…"

"Did he?"

"I couldn't really tell…" Izaya mumbled while he shut down his computer. "I got the feeling that he did though..."

"Would he tell you if you asked?" Shinra asked.

"Only if it benefits him in some way." Izaya pushed the mouse and keyboard alongside the tower after it shut down and then stood up and rubbed his head. "There's so much crap going on, I can barely figure out where to start thinking..."

"I can tell..." Shinra perked an eyebrow towards the door and then sighed. Izaya took in a breath and then stopped. He took in a sniff of the air and then looked confused over at Shinra.

"Do you smell that?" Izaya asked, taking in another sniff and then heading towards the window.

"Yeah, it's probably someone having a bonfire or something." Shinra shrugged.

Izaya cracked open the bedroom window and then poked his head out, looking towards the backyard of the complex. "... Or... You know, someone burning clothes." He stated.

"Huh?" Shinra asked as he joined Izaya with his head out the window. Izaya crossed his arms on the ledge and sighed. Shinra cocked his head to the side as he watched Kasuka staring down at a small fire pit, throwing a pair of black jeans into it, and then tossing a v-neck shirt into there as well. It took him a moment to recognize the clothes as the ones that Izaya wore earlier. "Oh my..."

Izaya watched with a straight face before commenting. "I'm starting to get the vibe that Kasuka doesn't think too fondly of me."

* * *

**A/N:** Well, well, aren't you glad to see this up?

Ugh, this chapter.. (Part 2 included. That's already written, it's just in the process of being beta'd.) Was sooo muuuuch. I was originally trying to make this just one chapter, but I kept writing, and writing, and writing, and then ended up with..a lot. So, I decided to break it into two parts. Gah, I dragged everything out in all the previous chapters and then . Well, I hope you enjoy this. I hope that with Part 2, you will all be mind fucked and any theory that you once had about this will then be shattered. I apologize for how rushed the Shizaya part was in this. I would've liked to have drawn it out a bit more, but.. it just needed to happen before I moved the story further..

Anyways, onto Review replies.

_cagallikushinarafika: Ohoho~ You'll get an idea as to what happened with the apartment in the second part. And yes, Shizuo was definitely secretly admiring Izaya's ass. Thanks! I think I did pretty good on them.. At least enough to pass...xD_

_girru: A side of me kinda wants to go "Ohoho~ You'll just have to wait and find out who it is!" But, that's retarded. Yeah, it's Psyche, but there won't be a whole lot more of those :T And yes, I realize that xD There are quite a bit of things in this fic that are off, but I don't care. I'm going to write it to make the story flow better, not to follow durrr! xDD But thanks for pointing it out._

_Lo: Bwahaha!xD That honetly cracked me up xD Well! Now you know. I'm glad you're a fan of that ;D_

_CgB: Oh I know, I have plenty of them xD But I know for guys, it can or can't be. Oh, and even love, I can live with that~! And yeah, techno. Though it changes from chapter to chapter. I feel like the tone of the chapter gives away what kind of song I listened to while writing sometimes xD_

_thelastautumnstory: I'm glad you like it x3 Thanks for taking the time to review it!_

_animeg: I sometimes wonder if authors on here just say they have exams so that they can take a break xD But yeah, I'm done with those now. I'm really glad you think that way of this story. You're not the first to say that about the paranoia xD It's so amusing to read. ((Though I do hope nothing actually IS in your closet O_o))_

And to anyone else I failed to reply to, I'm sorry. I honestly can't remember who I replied to, but, as always, thanks so much for the reviews. (I'm over 100 now c': It makes me feel loved.) Sorry for the long Authors note, this was the most reviews I've received I think.

Beta'd by SanguineHearts.


	15. Chapter 14 Part II

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of its characters.

**Full Summary:**Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting anyone else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

Shizuo chewed on his lips as he impatiently drummed his fingers against the bar. He didn't realize how nervous he appeared, but his mind was too far in thought to care. What a... _random_ past few weeks he was having. He really couldn't think of any other way to describe it. In one day Shizuo went about his typical daily routine; going to work, grabbing something to eat and coming home. Then in the next, his routine got so horribly switched around he didn't think it was correct to even call it that.

He knew that he should've been concerned with how Izaya was doing after what happened when Shinra got there, but he couldn't stop himself when his worried thoughts shifted back to their previous actions. He felt a chill run through him and his cheeks heat up when he thought about how nice Izaya's lips felt against his own. Shizuo licked along his lip, and moments later felt a tap against his forehead. "Huh?" He breathed when he snapped back to reality and saw his boss staring at him from the other side of the bar counter.

"You alive in there..?" He asked, pulling his hand away from Shizuo.

"Ah, yeah. Sorry..." Shizuo mumbled. "Did you need something?"

"Yeah, get me a Scotch on the rocks." His boss took a seat on one of the bar stools and pulled out a cigarette. Shizuo wasn't expecting him to ask for a drink, but went to preparing it just as he would with a customer. "What's been up with you lately?"

"Hn?" Shizuo blinked, pouring the alcohol into the glass. "What do you mean..? Have I been acting strange?"

"I wouldn't say strange... More so stressed." His boss shrugged and blew out a puff of smoke, tilting his head back to keep it out of his employee's face.

"Oh..." Shizuo thought a moment, feeling like his boss would think that if Shizuo didn't tell him, he'd be disrespecting him, but at the same time knowing that if he said everything that'd be going on, his boss might suggest him to therapy, or rehab. "It's nothing. Everything's fine now." He settled with, sliding his boss the drink he ordered.

"If you say so." His boss pulled the cigarette from his lips as he replaced it with the glass, and let the conversation quiet down. "I like you, you know that?"

Shizuo blinked, not sure how to take the random compliment. "Thank you, sir..."

"I mean that. You've got that 'Don't-Fuck-With-Me' attitude, but you know what respect is." His boss returned the cigarette to his lips and then continued on. "There are plenty of pricks that come in and out of here and think they're tough shit - and I'll be honest, I thought you were one of them - but they don't even know what tough is. You on the other hand, you know what tough is, don't you?" Shizuo's mouth lingered open, not at all used to receiving this kind of lecture from anyone. "I don't get what a guy like you is doin' workin' in a dump like this, but I won't argue with it." His boss put out his cancer stick in an ash tray and blew out the smoke. "You ever want to take a break, don't hesitate to ask, you got that?"

"Ah, yeah, sure boss." Shizuo replied in a slightly awkward tone. With that, his boss finished his drink and then slammed the glass on the table, letting out a refreshing sigh.

"Good. Now go punch yourself out then, I'm closin' the bar for tonight."

* * *

Shizuo's walk home was one that was filled with different emotions. He started off feeling rather good about himself, after the lecture from his boss, but it led him to once again think about Izaya, and he worried most of the way back, wondering if something might've happened while he was working. Shizuo checked his phone several times to see if he had missed a call or a text sent from Shinra, but his phone showed no missed activities. He sighed, continuing his walk. Should he call? Would that seem weird if Izaya was actually fine? Shizuo bit his lip and insisted on further torturing himself by slipping his phone back into his pocket. He tried to put his mind on other things, and then another thought hit him. How was he supposed to _act_ around Izaya now if he was fine? Was he supposed to just pretend like nothing had happened earlier and go on with how things were previously? Or was he to assume that Izaya and him were now a thing? "Eh..." Shizuo grimaced to the sound of that.

He honestly wasn't sure if he was happy about his small impulse earlier, or if he was secretly beating himself up for it. Sure, over the course that all of these things had happened, he'd seen a different side of Izaya that he honestly really liked, but that didn't mean that once this whole thing was settled, Izaya wasn't going to regress back to his old self. Which would in turn cause Shizuo to slump back into his chaotic behavior, and quite frankly, he was rather enjoying not being a time bomb.

Shizuo ran out of thinking time as he approached the door to his apartment. He stared at it for a moment and then let out a sigh. Reaching out for the door knob he decided he would just let things play out.

Shizuo found Shinra at the kitchen table with his hand propped up, supporting his cheek, his eyes hidden behind a glare on his glasses that made him look as if he might've been sleeping. Once Shizuo shut the door though, Shinra twitched and looked up, pushing his spectacles up his nose and greeting him. "Ah, Shizuo, welcome back."

"How's Izaya?"

Shinra then deflated to the name, a slight groan escaping him. "He's busier than busy."

"Busy..? Doing what?" As Shizuo said this, he faintly heard the sound of some one-sided arguing from down the hall. The talking grew louder as Izaya stepped in the room, his phone up to his ear as he was rambling on about something to someone.

"_NO._ I told you to back down from- _EXCUSE _me? ... You shouldn't depend so strongly on someone else to do your deeds for you then! ... Please, _do_ inform me of what it was that I've done that was apparently _so_ out of bounds...That was _far_ from the agree- Your threats are meaningless, I hope you know... Oh, now I'm working against you? Then I apologize for the apparently "false" information that I never provided in the first place, and am _so_ sad to inform you to take your requests elsewhere... I would _love_ to see you try." And with that, the conversation ended, Izaya gritting his teeth as his anger built up. In search of some release, Izaya then clenched his phone tightly before angrily throwing it against the wall. "God_dammit!"_ He shouted as he did so.

Shinra held a bored look on his face, his eyes shifting over to Shizuo to see him looking rather confused. "He's been doing this all day." The voice caught the informant's attention and he whipped his head to the underground doctor to shoot him a glare. Shinra pretended to not notice it and focused on observing the kitchen area. Izaya then let his eyes lock on to Shizuo.

The blonde felt that Izaya was about to explode on him, for something he probably did wrong. Shizuo arched an eyebrow up, showing that he wasn't at all intimidated. "What?"

Izaya growled before turning and stomping off towards what he was considering his room. Shizuo watched him storm off and then turned to Shinra for an explanation. Shinra shrugged. "Like I said, he's been doing this all day." Shinra stood up and stretched, while Shizuo just shook his head. "Anyway, I wanted to go over what I found out about Izaya's bruise with the two of you, but you left so suddenly I never got the chance to."

"Why didn't you just talk to Izaya about it?"

"Because I want you to understand what I know so far as well. You're partly involved."

"What..?" Shizuo asked, arching an eyebrow up confused.

* * *

Shinra pushed a finger to his glasses, putting them in place on his nose as he contemplated on how to approach this. Shizuo and Izaya were seated across from him on the couch, while Shinra had pulled a chair from the kitchen in, placing it in front of the coffee table. He had some papers sprawled out as he refreshed his memory of the notes he'd taken on the subject at hand. Izaya had calmed down from his earlier tantrum, and was now fidgeting with the edge of the bandage that covered his bruised arm. Shinra smiled. "Well, I'd like to report that the formula I made up for you didn't show any side effects. So there's one positive thing!"

Izaya kept quiet but brought his eyes up towards the doctor. Shizuo then asked what Izaya was thinking. "So that makes the good news I'm assuming. What's the bad?"

"Ehhh..." Shinra hesitated. "I'm not sure if you could label it as good or bad..." He then chewed his cheek before deciding not to wait any longer. "From what I could find out, I think it's safe to say that this isn't any "spiritual" creation at all, as much as it seems like it. I won't say that it isn't _involved_ but it's a minor consideration."

"What..? How on _earth_ did you come to _that_ conclusion?" Izaya asked, both their minds set in believing that this was something that was happening as a result of a kind of spirit or something similar.

"Calm down, let me explain." Shinra said defensively, holding his hands up. He waited for Izaya to settle back into his seat and continued. "That bruise you have on your wrist, it was given to you by a person, that much I know." Izaya looked down at his wrist.

"Alright, but don't you think I would _remember_ that?"

"I considered that, and concluded that however it was you received it, it had to be without your knowing."

"You _did_ tell me that you didn't know where it came from..." Shizuo pointed out.

"So someone intentionally marked you with it." Shinra further explained. "However, this would probably be where the "spirit" comes in. I'm not exactly _sure_ as to how it works, but someone's controlling your pain through some means..."

"Are you saying someone's trying to _kill_ me?" Izaya asked, jumping over what could've been pointless explanations.

Shinra shrugged. "It's not too surprising...What I'm suggesting is that there was someone specifically that needs you out of the picture, and they've found some way to do that, which would be through that marking. How it works, I don't know."

Shizuo cut in after tearing his eyes off of Izaya's covered forearm. "You said I was involved in this though... How am I involved?"

"Well..." Shinra paused trying to think. "... You remember when we were last at Izaya's? When Celty and I found the two of you laying on the floor, and you told us why?"

"Yeah..?"

"Well...I'm not sure what your part in this is, but...It's as if..." Shinra thought of how to explain it and then eyed one of his sheets. He leaned forward and flipped it to a blank side, reaching in his pocket for a pen. Shinra drew a typical house light switch along with a line that connected to a light. "It's like a circuit. Someone flips the switch, and the pain flows to Izaya." Shinra made scribbles along the line he drew to indicate the pain. He then re-drew the diagram, but put a break in the line. "Then you come in, and you act as a type of..sponge to absorb the pain." Shinra drew a box in the blank area, scribbling 'Shizuo' inside of it and then scribbling along the line that connected to the switch, stopping when the line hit 'Shizuo'. "For whatever reason, you're able to get in the way of the pain, or stop it from reaching its destination, which, in this case is Izaya."

The two looked at each other, feeling that there was a connection between them, and as if to not admit to it, Izaya turned his head in the opposite direction, ignoring Shizuo's look. There was a hint of a very faint blush on his cheeks before it disappeared. Shinra set the paper down and then returned the pen to his pocket. "Again, I don't really know how it works, or why you specifically are able to keep the pain from flowing, but I know that this is definitely a person doing this to you... I know the list is probably long, but do you know anyone that would want to kill you this badly?" Shinra asked.

Izaya stared at him with a blank look, not finding what he said very amusing. "If you had told me this a few weeks ago, _he_ would've been the first one to come to mind-" Izaya jabbed a finger at Shizuo and then went on. "-but, I'd later conclude that he wouldn't have the brains to plan out such an elaborate scheme and cover it up so well. In fact, I don't really know anyone that has enough brains to plot something out this well just to get rid of me..." He trailed off, trying to draw out names that would be possible contestants.

Shizuo ignored the insult given to him and then gave his opinion the matter. "Would it be safe to say that whoever _is_ doing this to Izaya, is the same person that most likely ransacked his apartment?"

Shinra looked over at Izaya who then glanced to Shizuo. "I... Don't know why I didn't make that connection sooner..." Shinra said.

"I don't think so." Izaya stated. "Whoever was in my apartment didn't take anything, and whoever it is that's trying to kill me would've most likely went in my house in search of something."

Shizuo could honestly say he had ever thought so thoroughly in his life, as bad as it sounded. His dreams came back to him in his thoughts, as well as when he was at Izaya's apartment in the first place. There was someone inside Izaya's room that one time so what if..? "What if whatever it was that they were looking for had to do with their connection to your pain?"

Shinra cocked an eyebrow while Izaya tilted his head. "What do you mean..?" Shinra asked.

"I mean... After you and Celty left, some really freaky and weird shit went down..." Shizuo looked down thinking about what he did. "I did a couple of things before I was about to leave, and was going to check and see if there was any kind of mess left behind after the whole thing with Namie happened… It just bothered me that there wasn't a single hint towards her being killed like that. So I went up to his room, and... I didn't _see_ anything, but there was something in there. Then, you know, Izaya scaring the fucking shit out of me, and I was out of there..." Shizuo leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "My point is, there was something there that wasn't originally 'Izaya's.' So, what if whatever it was that this person was looking for, was part of the way they control Izaya? What if that thing in his room was it? Izaya's been fine since I've had him here, and I thought it was the distance, but what if it's just because they weren't able to find or fix their control on Izaya? His episode earlier might've been because they finally fixed their control on it..."

Both Shinra and Izaya had their eyes fixated on the blonde, their mouths dropped slightly and no responses given. Shizuo stared back at them for a moment before starting to feel like he had said something completely idiotic. "W-what?"

Shinra shook his head and then cleared his throat. He didn't have any clue how to respond. Izaya on the other hand was still in a state of being dumbfound. Shizuo looked away; almost humiliated. "It was just a thought! Never mind it then if that doesn't-"

"No, No, Shizu-chan." Izaya cut in. "That was..." He paused trying to think of how to say it. "_When_ did you decide to actually use your brain?"

Shizuo shot him a glare. "Ah! But Shizuo! That's an extremely good point..." Shinra cut in. Izaya then nodded his head as if that was what he was trying to say in the first place. Shizuo's face melted into something that hinted at feeling both embarrassed and slight confidence. Izaya then put a finger to his chin.

"But..." He started, looking down in thought. "How in the hell are we supposed to figure out who was in my apartment..?" He mumbled. Shizuo chewed his lip while Shinra let his shoulders droop at the problem.

"Don't they have cameras..? In the hallway I mean." Shizuo shrugged. "Couldn't you ask to look through them and see if anyone has opened your door at all through the week?"

Izaya eyed the blonde and then flicked him on the forehead. "I don't know what you ate, or what you drank, but it seems to have highly affected your IQ level..."

Shinra mumbled under his breath. "Or perhaps ours have just lowered..." In which Izaya seemed to have seriously taken that into consideration.

Shizuo rubbed the back of his neck and then changed the topic. "... So should we go and check it out, then?"

* * *

Shinra had decided to stay behind and look over more of his notes while Izaya and Shizuo headed off to see if they could bribe the security officer to allow them to look into the video tapes. First, Izaya went into smooth talking the man, offering a bribe that started off at a low but tempting amount of money, and slowly began to increase it, but the officer kept refusing. As the numbers Izaya proposed started to increase, the officer started to second guess, but before he had the option to agree to an amount, Shizuo lost his patience and ended up threatening him into allowing them to go through the tapes.

It wasn't the way Izaya preferred to handle it, but it saved him both money and time, and there was no arguing with that. Izaya stepped into the control room, Shizuo following him. He inspected the cameras to figure out which one had a view of his door while Shizuo leaned over to examine the screens as well.

After figuring out which ones displayed Izaya's door from all but three different angles, Izaya then went to reviewing the footage they had from over the last week. "When do you think it happened..?" Shizuo mumbled as Izaya bit his lip in figuring out how far to rewind.

Izaya sighed. "Well... When did you take me home?" Shizuo thought a moment, before looking over the tapes with coordinating dates and then picked one up and popped the tape in. Izaya cocked an eyebrow as he watched him do this. Shizuo saw the look and then went to explain himself.

"It was at night so I figured no one else would've stopped by later... Might as well check out the footage from the next day." Izaya shrugged figuring that if they didn't find anything, they'd just go back and check that out before leaving. He placed one of his pale fingers on the play button, hitting the fast forward key with it to speed up the footage.

This process continued for a good solid 4 hours until something was finally caught on the tapes. Izaya leaned forward and Shizuo placed his hands on the back of the chair the other man was sitting in and leaned closer to the screen as well. There were a group of men all in nice and expensive looking suits walking towards Izaya's door. They stood around it for a moment, acting as guards of some sort.

Izaya scrunched up his eyebrows, unable to recognize who any of them were. Shizuo saw the confusion on his face and figured there wasn't any reason to ask if he knew them. They continued to stand, Izaya having to fast forward a bit, watching as some of them covered their mouths to cough, or to scratch their nose, or fidget about, but other than that, no movement was made. "What're they doing..?" Izaya mumbled, his eyes going to the time down at the bottom to see that they had been standing there for a good half an hour without doing anything.

Izaya knocked the speed of the footage up a little more before something finally happened and he set it back to the original time. The two men both leaned in even closer to the screen, Shizuo practically breathing down Izaya's neck as they tried to get a good view of who the man approaching the crowd was. They only had a back view of him, and in the other camera shots, a man would be in the way from revealing who the person was. The guy lifted up his fingers and instructed the men towards the door and they all instantly erupted in movement, heading inside. Both Shizuo and Izaya's eyes widened when they were finally able to see who it was that was standing there in the hallway, and he was instantly recognized the second he was revealed.

Shizuo didn't believe it. He did a double take, reassured the man in the other screens and then stared breathlessly at him. Izaya pulled his eyes away from the footage and looked up at the blonde. His fists were shaking, and his face looked like he had just witnessed the greatest horror of his life.

* * *

**A/N**: Here's part two. I meant to put this up sooner, but I didn't feel like opening it up and scanning over it xD I feel like some parts are a bit "Er…? What?" So, my apologies. Also, I feel like it's quite obvious who's doing what now, but in case it's not, you'll know FOR SURE at the beginning of the next chapter. (Which I've started and have a very strange opening part, but I'm sure you'll all enjoy it x3)

I don't feel like replying to reviews this time around .w. -lazy- Thanks for all of the Alerts, Favorites, and Reviews I get. I really appreciate them x3


	16. Chapter 15

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"Shhh.."

"I-Izaya...? What're you-"

"I said Shh!"

"But this is weird!" Shizuo spat out as he tried to form some special power that would allow the blond to see through the other's thing fingers that covered his eyes at the moment. Izaya was directing Shizuo's steps with the slight tug of his hands, Shizuo being told before to follow where ever his hands went. The blond took a hesitant step forward and let his hands feel nothing but the air. No matter where they went, they could never seem to find Izaya.

"Just go with it." Izaya whispered to him. He watched amused as the blond felt around, completely unaware of his surroundings. It all would probably seem like some kind of odd game to anyone else, but Izaya knew what he was doing. He had to put Shizuo into a different place before he could continue with what his entire reason for doing this was. It was a bit tricky trying to avoid Shizuo's fumbling limbs, but Izaya wouldn't be Izaya if he hadn't learned how to avoid him by now. Shizuo huffed out a breath but didn't protest against this thing Izaya was doing.

Izaya continued to lead him around the guest room he had been partially living in the past week, being careful not to lead either of them into anything that they could topple over. He noticed how hesitant the blond was and let out a breath. This wasn't going to work if he kept on guard. "Trust me, Shizuo."

Shizuo let the words sink in deep to him, and found his body relaxing, his mind drifting elsewhere. He had forgotten that they were in his guest room, Izaya so swiftly moving them around that the room felt much larger and emptier than it was. Izaya's voice cut into his thoughts. "What do you see?"

"Um.."

"Don't be shy about it, Tell me what you see." After that, Shizuo understood that Izaya wanted to know what it was that he was feeling.

"I see.." He thought a moment, trying to gather what it was he was seeing. "You."

Izaya rolled his eyes, but kept the other from picking up any hints of that gesture and pushed further. "And...?"

"And..." Shizuo let out a breath as he let his eyes fill with an image he didn't think he could've ever thought up. "Color.. A lot of it. But it doesn't make sense.."

"Mhmm.." Izaya hummed, starting to pull the two into a spin. "Go on."

"You're in color.. But it's like... the colors are in grey tones? Like.. I can tell they're colors, but they're not vibrant like you are..."

"What's going on around me?"

"Nothing... Well, no." Izaya could feel the other's face scrunch in confusion as he tried to sort out his image. "There's a lot of stuff happening around you, but it doesn't matter... I think it's supposed to be music..."

"Oh..? What kind of music?"

"Soft music. But..." Again, Shizuo was in thought. "It's calming. Relaxing. Not really sad, but you can feel it there."

"All right..." Izaya whispered, leaning in towards the bartender. Shizuo didn't expect it and felt his eyes naturally pull open, but he was still met with darkness. Izaya had to stand on his toes to try and reach the blonds face and when he did, he let their noses barely brush. "What do I look like to you?"

"..." Shizuo wasn't sure how to say it. He was partially distracted by the warm breath he could feel on his lips, while also trying to put to words what he saw in the man. "You look..." He stopped, and tried again. "You look..." As he was trying to say the words, Izaya let his hands slide down the other's face until they were cupping it. Shizuo stared down at the other, locking eyes with the intense auburn like ones that were staring back at him. "...In love."

Izaya's eyes went downward as his fingers felt along Shizuo's jaw line. "...Why?"

"Because...I don't know. That's just how I saw-"

"Not that, you idiot." Izaya rolled his eyes, pulling his hands away from Shizuo and sighing. "I mean why did you do it! Why'd you kiss me earlier?"

Shizuo stared blankly at Izaya before biting his lip to think. "It felt right." He said with a shrug.

"So you don't feel anything then?" Izaya asked, crossing his arms.

Shizuo shook his head and then brought a hand to his face. "Fuck Izaya. I don't know. I don't feel nothing, but I don't know what it is."

"Well you need to figure it out!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? " Izaya asked in disbelief. "Shizuo. If that really was Kasuka we saw on those tapes, than you know just about as well as I do what it's going to come down to!" Izaya stared at the blond, letting the thought sink in before continuing. "I mean, I know you wouldn't ever pick me over your brother in a million years, but if it comes down to it, I don't want something to happen and you start regretting anything."

"So you don't want me to feel anything?"

Izaya opened his mouth to say something and let it close as he thought over his unspoken words. "...I just don't want you to regret anything."

Shizuo's jaw tightened before he spoke again. "Well, what about you?" Izaya looked up confused. "How do you feel?"

His cheeks flushed slightly as Izaya turned his head away from Shizuo. "That doesn't matter."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? How am I not supposed to regret anything if I know there's something that could happen here?"

"Are you implying that you want something to happen, Shizu-Chan?"

"Don't answer me with a question!" Shizuo threw back, avoiding having to respond to that.

Izaya rolled his eyes. "You're really frustrating, you know that?" He stepped backwards a bit before plopping down on the edge of the bed, bouncing a bit before he finally settled. "You know what this all is?" Shizuo quirked an eyebrow, while pretending to be interested in the most likely wordy explanation. "All this issue between us is because of that silly little impulse of yours and the failure on your part to hold it back. Now its put us in the predicament that because of a small make-out, something has to happen between the two of us as a result of it, when really, the only thing that needs to happen is-"

"Shut up." Shizuo cut him off.

Izaya blinked. "Rude much? I was in the middle of talking, Shizuo, and you go and cut me off like that?"

"I said shut up." Shizuo repeated, but their was an obvious tease in his voice. Izaya rose an eyebrow up as the blond approached him and then took a seat next to him on the bed. "You know what I think this all is?"

"Oh? Shizuo has a theory? What's that?" Izaya mocked, ignoring how close they were.

"I think.." Shizuo let his eyes look off to the side. "That everything you just said was a bunch of bullshit you pulled out of your ass to avoid what you really think." Izaya's mouth opened for a smart remark but the blond continued. "I think that if it really was just an act of impulse on my part then you wouldn't have continued it either afterwards. I think you're just afraid to admit you feel something."

"Ahh, 'fear', that's your tactic in trying to get me to admit something that I don't feel?" Izaya responded.

"If you don't feel anything, then why'd you kiss me back?"

"I was just..." Izaya cut off, his mind drawing a blank to a good excuse. He took a glance at Shizuo with a sort of pout on his face before snapping his head the other way. "Alright so what if there is something there. You completely took us off track with this! We're supposed to be focusing on your feelings, not mine."

"Well..." A dumb smile spread across Shizuo's face. He bit his lip as if to hold it back, but it did no good. "You should know how I feel then."

Izaya sighed. "Shizu-Chan, we both know that out of all the people in the world, you are the only one whom I can not for the life of me, understand what goes on in that maybe-not-so-much-of-a-protozoan head of yours."

Shizuo chuckled to that and a silence settled in. Izaya hummed to himself as he let his mind sink into thoughts of what they saw on the cameras earlier. They hadn't told Shinra about it yet, not that they really wanted to keep it from him, but because Shizuo was in so much of a shock on the way home, Izaya didn't really want to bring it up so soon. Izaya wasn't all too surprised when he found Kasuka there on the cameras. Sure, it was the last person he had expected, but after learning how Kasuka felt towards Izaya, it wasn't shocking. What was to him though, was the fact that Kasuka was meeting with a member of the Yakuza. Kasuka in no way had any means of a connection with the group, and Izaya knew that. How he knew, well, he was their top informant, of course they'd go to him if they needed to find a way to the young actor. Izaya couldn't think of any reason that the Yakuza would want to do anything with Kasuka, especially since it was towards him. As far as he knew, he was on perfect terms with the group, Shiki always putting in a good word for him when it was needed. Was it Kasuka wanting to display his utmost hate towards Izaya, if he even hated him that much? Or was it something that the Yakuza had in mind? Either way, Izaya was sure that if they didn't do anything about it soon, he'd end up dead at some point.

He took a glance towards the blond and could honestly never recall Shizuo wearing such a sad expression. It was obvious the tapes hadn't left his mind since they'd seen them, but Izaya didn't really take into consideration that Shizuo might've been asking for a distraction with their earlier conversation. He let out a sigh and then reached a hand out and slid it on Shizuo's shoulder, bringing him out of his train of thought. Izaya rubbed his back as a means of comfort before the expression returned to the blond. "You should go to bed..." Izaya suggested.

Shizuo continued to stare downwards for a long moment before letting out a breath. "Yeah... Maybe I can ask Kasuka a couple of things.. Like what he thinks about you, or something.. Not let him know we know, right?"

Izaya had always known how to comfort a person when it was needed, seeing as how all it was that made a person feel better was hearing what they wanted to hear, or providing the right emotion for them to absorb, but with Shizuo, he just wasn't sure. "Ask him whatever you want to, just be careful about what he might say..."

Shizuo gave a half-hearted smile before nodding and standing up. He seemed to take a moment to think over things before getting ready to leave. "Ah, Shizu-Chan!" Izaya perked, turning to him. "Don't forget to lock the door tonight... Might not be a good night, eh?" Izaya tried to lighten the mood but he knew as well as anyone else that his sense of humor was a little off from most people.

Shizuo took a glance towards Izaya's wrist and then stepped out into the hall, closing the door, and with soft rustling, locked Izaya in for the night. Izaya stared at the door for a long moment before turning his gaze towards the computer, debating whether or not he should jump on it for the night. With a sigh, he flopped backwards, deciding not to. He laid there until his body displayed how cold it was through goose bumps and then he pulled the blankets over his body and went to bed.

* * *

"Ah, Kasuka, do we really need that many blankets?" Shizuo asked as he watched his brother flap out a third blanket and pull it over their bodies.

"Are you hot?" Kasuka asked, leaning over his brother to straighten out the blanket.

"Well..No, but are you really that cold?"

"It's supposed to drop tonight though. I don't want you to have to get up and grab a blanket if you're cold." Kasuka stated as he began to make himself comfortable under the mountain he built.

Shizuo bit his lip as he stared at him, his mind focusing on what he should ask his brother. Kasuka cracked open an eye lid and looked up at the blond. "Brother? Aren't you going to lie down?"

Shizuo stared for a moment and then laid backwards, getting comfortable on his side of the bed. Barely a moment later, Kasuka got himself comfortable along Shizuo's side, looking up at his brother afterwards. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Shizuo let out a long sigh before turning his head the other way. "Nothing...It's just..." He tried to think of what he should ask and decided to stick to his original plan from before. "Izaya...What do you think about him?"

Kasuka scrunched his eyebrows together. "Why...does that matter..?" He asked, looking up at Shizuo.

"Well...I mean..." Shizuo looked deep in thought as he tried to think of a proper response. "For my own reasons, I suppose.. I'd kinda like a second opinion on something..."

"Oh..." Kasuka then brought his head back down to its normal position and closed his eyes. "He's okay, I guess."

"Just okay?"

"Mhmm. Why do you want to know?"

"Because... Um... Well..."

Kasuka again tilted his head upward so that he could face his brother, his face empty of emotion like it always was. Shizuo chewed his lip as he tried to come up with some reason to give to his brother. "I don't know.. He just seems different, I suppose..."

Kasuka stared at him for a moment, Shizuo catching that 'I-know-there's-more-than-just-that' look in his eyes before Kasuka shut them. "Then why would my opinion matter on that...?"

"I was just wondering... I didn't want to think that it was just me who thought so.."

"Well, seeing as how he's not sending you home with cuts and bruises every day, I guess it's safe to say that yeah, he might have just changed a bit." Kasuka huffed as he snaked his arms across Shizuo's body. Shizuo stared down at him before speaking again.

"Kasuka... You don't like him at all do you?"

"What're you talking about? I just told you I thought he was okay."

"What don't you like about him?" Shizuo pushed, not buying what Kasuka just said.

Kasuka sighed and rolled his eyes. " I just said I thought he was-"

"-Why don't you want to tell me? I can tell just by the way you're acting when he's brought up that you don't like him, I just want to know why!"

Kasuka pulled away from his brother and sat up. He took in a long breath before turning to Shizuo with a smile on his face. "Do we ever need a reason for anything we do?"

"..." Shizuo pulled his body upward, bringing himself into a sitting position and studying his brother. He looked calm, but he was shaking. He was actually angry, and had Shizuo not grown up with him, he never would have been able to tell. "Kasu..."

"Hm?" He hummed, trying to pretend his anger wasn't there.

Shizuo opened his mouth to say something and then shook his head. He didn't want to upset him any further. "...Never mind. Forget it, just come back to bed..." Shizuo pulled the blankets up for Kasuka to climb under and get comfortable again, but he merely stared at them. Shizuo watched him, trying not to lose his patience with him, but after a moment of waiting he just threw the blankets down and then laid down on his side, away from his brother. "Fine then.." He mumbled as he forced himself to focus on sleeping.

It was silent for a long moment before Shizuo could hear the shuffling of Kasuka as he pulled his body under the blanket next to him. After the rustling started to quiet down, Shizuo felt two arms snake around him and then Kasuka press his head against his back, snuggling against him. "I'm sorry." He mumbled.

Shizuo opened his eyes and almost turned around, but he didn't want anything else to start up again. He let his eyes wander downward before closing them and with a long breath, and began to fall asleep.

* * *

Izaya wasn't dreaming at all. It was quite the opposite actually. His mind contained no thoughts whatsoever. He was in a deep sleep, his body trying to recover from everything that had happened to him over the course of a few weeks. So why was it that he had such an intense hypnic jerk when he wasn't even dreaming? Izaya's eyes snapped wide open only to be met with pure black. He blinked and rubbed his eyes to try and get them to adjust, but still, it was all black. His heart was racing, and he had broken out into a slight sweat as well.

Sitting up, Izaya held his breath as he tried to listen for any kind of noise. He had no idea what it was that caused him to wake up so suddenly, but he could just feel that something was wrong. He tried his best to maintain his composure and when he did, Izaya pulled the blankets off his legs and went straight for the light switch. He tripped over his feet and nearly stumbled to the ground, but regained his balance at the last minute. "...Damn.." Izaya mumbled as he pondered on the abnormally dark room.

There was a slight breeze that crawled down his neck along with what Izaya had made out to be a whisper. His heart jumped and breathing both hitched as the breeze traveled down his spine. Izaya looked around the room again, trying to make something out. He slowly brought his hand up towards his face, and no matter how close he brought it, his eyes couldn't make out the slight detail of his hand at all. It was like he had gone completely blind or something. "Oh no.." He breathed out as again, he heard that eery whisper. Izaya knew that it'd be the stupidest mistake of his life if he turned around, but, if he didn't, would he ever know what was torturing him so badly?

Letting out a breath, Izaya turned his head around, and found himself staring into deep and thick black eyes. He couldn't make out who or what it was that was standing in front of him but the second their eyes locked, the creature let out a loud noise, something Izaya couldn't classify as a yell. His eyes widened as the thing reached forward, revealing the small detail of a hand, with fur clinging around the wrist. Izaya instinctively smacked it away, and realized now just what it was he was staring at.

The only way he could think to describe it was if Celty had taken her shadow and made a replica of Izaya. Izaya's mouth hung open for a moment before the thing leaped towards him, slamming Izaya backwards and onto the floor. He tried to kick it away, but once his foot went to connect with the thing, it went straight through it. The replica of him gripped at Izaya's throat, his hands traveling upward after Izaya tried to smack it away. He flailed about, kicking, and thrashing, but the thing seemed to be attached to him and no matter how desperate his attempts were, it wasn't getting off.

Izaya spun around then and tried to go for the light switch, the thing letting out another high-pitched noise causing Izaya's eardrums to pound. "Gahh!" Izaya yelled, falling downward as he clamped his hands over his ears. His replica reached it's black hands forward, feeling over Izaya's face as he tried to smack it away. "Get off of me!" He yelled as he pushed himself upward and went for the door. His hands slapped onto the knob and twisted it, only to feel the door tightly shut. He took in a breath before raising his hands upward and pounding furiously on the door. "Open the fucking door!" He screamed as his hands smacked against the wood. He threw his hands against it hard, his finger tips tingling in numbness by the time he pulled them away from the door. He let his hands grip onto the knob and then twisted and shook it violently, trying, hoping it would just open. Izaya then shouldered the door a couple of times before stopping to yell again. "OPEN THE DOOR!" He screamed.

_"Shh"_ Izaya let his eyes dart over towards the creature that was staring at him with those big empty sockets. He had to of been going crazy or something. _"Listen."_ It whispered though its mouth didn't appear to have moved at all. Izaya's hands were shaking and red from the pounding he had been doing, but he didn't take them off the door knob. The creature then reached above its head and pulled off headphones Izaya hadn't noticed were there. He reached forward, Izaya becoming uneasy with each step it took towards him.

"Get away from me." He mumbled, backing up into the replica approached him anyways, reaching his hands out and placing the smoky headphones over his head, pressing them tightly to Izaya's ears. Izaya closed his eyes and moved his head away from the touch, but the second the headphones were placed over his ears, it was if sound had just ceased to exist. He opened his eyes slowly, finding himself surrounded by white. He looked around confused, and then down at himself. His clothes were completely different, all white, long sleeved, and with slight touches of pink here and there. He felt his face and then felt the headphones over his ears. Izaya was way beyond confused and was sure that he had either lost his mind, or was actually dreaming.

He let out a huff of air and then did a full spin of his surroundings. It was completely blank. All white. What was he supposed to be doing here...?

Izaya kicked the ground only for a cloud of white dust to puff up and then disappear back into its ivory surroundings. Izaya took notice of the fact that his finger nails were painted a bright pink and then took a peek towards his covered wrist. He bit his lip before pulling the sleeve up and revealing his wrist. The mark that he had been so used to seeing wasn't there and it surprised him. Was that supposed to be something he should be doing here..?

With a sigh, he decided to just wander around and see if anything new would pop up. The lack of noise in this place was starting to give him a headache, and the constant white wasn't helping too much either. If he ever had to live in a place like this, he'd end up killing himself. Izaya really had no sense of direction here either, the endless white making it hard for him to tell if he was even walking in a straight line, or if he was really just making a big circle. For what seemed like forever, Izaya just kept walking, not finding anything at all. Nothing was different any which way he looked, and nothing seemed like it would be getting any different either.

It wasn't until Izaya saw a bright blob of blonde hair out of the corner of his eye, did things seem to change. Izaya turned and with a cock of his head began to approach the person, knowing after only a second glance that it was Shizuo. Once he was standing next to the body, Izaya knelt down to examine the similar, yet different attire he was wearing. He cocked an eyebrow after noticing that the pair of headphones Shizuo had around his head weren't plugged into anything. Izaya gave him a little nudge, but it didn't seem like he'd be waking up anytime soon. Izaya sighed, though the noise couldn't be heard, and then looked back at the cord that laying limp by Shizuo's side. He picked the end up and examined it before looking down at the cord that was dangling off of him and traced it down to his pocket. He pulled out what looked like some kind of odd MP3 and then noticed a spot for another headphone jack.

That definitely couldn't have been coincidence.

Izaya took another look at the sleeping beauty next to him and then shoved the jack inside. The second he did so, everything whipped by him so fast and randomly. He couldn't make anything out but colors, but he knew that whatever was going on was bringing him back to that room. The colors all blurred together and darkened, his body feeling that strange falling sensation before a crack echoed through his mind and everything went black.

_"Did you make the connection?"_

* * *

**A/N: **It's late, I KNOW. But it's updated so be happy. I literally had all of this typed out on the first day or so except for the last few paragraphs. Not sure why I had such a hard time writing that. But anyways, so if you haven't figured it out. Kasuka's the dick torturin' Izaya, BUT WHY? You'll find out ;D And that black thing? That was Psyche. Just to clear that up. There's a lot more information that's going to be packed into the next few chapters. 'Member Namie? Yeah, there was reason behind that. And Kasuka being fired? Reason behind that.

BAH! I'm terrible. Anyways, onto replies!

_animeg: I'm sorry I'm hurting your brain. I hope that I can stop doing that soon xD_

_CgB: Bother? Why, you'd never bother me. Ahah xD We're about to get to the answers though!_

_Elehdwena: I'm so glad you love this x3 And I'm sorry I scared you xD Ahah! Yes, I enjoyed writing that part with Shizuo x'D Well, I'm glad you decided to review now x3 And your English is pretty good actually._

_Midnight Reader: I tried to make this one sorta creepy, but I'm just having a really hard time writing it. I don't think there'll be any more creepy scenes, maybe one, but that's it. It's just a pain to write xD Ah, yeah. The whole High School thing.. Bwah! xD Kasuka's a weird one all right~_

_Lo: you'll have the rest at some point in life ;3_

_Annnd to everyone else. I lost track of who I was replying to in PM's and yeeaaahh. I apologize if you didn't get a response from me, but I appreciated all the reviews nonetheless._

As always, thank you for Favoriting, Reviewing, and Alerting. I appreciate it greatly x3


	17. Chapter 16

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"Izaya! Oh god- Izaya!" Izaya's eyes rolled back before he was able to blink and bring them back to their proper position. His head felt extremely heavy while his body felt limp. He was still tired and would've much rather have gone back to sleep then to force himself awake and understand what all the screaming was about. "Don't just stand there, go grab a towel or something!" The pattering of feet leaving made Izaya groan. His head really hurt. "Izaya..?" All the talking wasn't helping it either.

Izaya lazily rose his arm upward, letting his fingers feel along Shizuo's face before they found his mouth and covered it. "Shhhh". Izaya hushed. Shizuo blinked, dumbfounded. Shaking it off, he pulled Izaya's head onto his lap and it was then that Izaya realized he was on the floor. "Eh..?" He mumbled.

"What the hell happened last night!" Shizuo started, completely ignoring Izaya's earlier request. "I came to check up on you this morning to find you bleeding on the floor!"

"Huh..?" He breathed confused. Izaya attempted to look around, but Shizuo used his hand to keep Izaya's head in place.

"Don't move! I don't want you bleeding anymore than you already have." Shizuo then brushed his thumb over a spot on Izaya's upper forehead that sent a stinging sensation through the pale man.

He inhaled sharply and then smacked the blonde's hand away. "OW." Izaya emphasized while shooting the other a glare. He settled back into his lap though and then sighed. "And before you repeat yourself, I don't have a fucking clue what happened."

"..." Shizuo stared down at the gash, and soon found a towel dangling in his face. He blinked and then took it. "Ah, thanks Kasu.. I didn't even hear you come in."

Without a response from his brother, Kasuka took a seat next to him and looked down at the brunette, and then at the blood that was all over the floor. His eyes traveled down to Izaya's wrist and his jaw tightened. Shizuo gently patted the towel at the gash and then looked over to his brother. "Are you alright...?"

Kasuka blinked and then turned to his brother. He nodded and then looked over his shoulder and into the hall. "Brother, aren't you supposed to be getting to work?"

Shizuo groaned. "Fuck.." He gently removed Izaya's head off his lap, (in which the brunette let out a dissatisfied groan) and then handed the now bloodied towel over to Kasuka. "What kind of bar opens this early anyways?" He mumbled to himself. "I'll call Shinra over, you keep him from moving too much." He stood up and then exited the room, leaving Kasuka staring down at the towel.

Izaya would've preferred that the towel stayed in Kasuka's hands, but the young actor slowly placed it back onto his forehead, not nearly as gentle as Shizuo was with the gash. Did Shizuo already forget that his brother was involved with the cause of all of Izaya's pain? He really just left them alone together? Izaya stared up at Kasuka's face, not seeing any emotion at all in his eyes. How on earth was he able to keep that look all the time? Izaya had to admit he was rather impressed by that, even if now wasn't the best time to be.

"You don't particularly have a gash on your head.. More of a crack. Do you sleep walk?" Izaya blinked to the others concerned tone. That was all an act, obviously, but he was sure as hell good at it.

"Not at all." Izaya replied. "Though if I do, I suppose I wouldn't actually know."

"True." Kasuka pulled the towel away and then leaned over Izaya's head to wipe up the amount that was on the floor. "Brother's been so stressed lately.. He finally got a good sleep last night." Izaya cocked a brow at him and hummed in response. "He was sleeping so heavily, he didn't even hear you screaming last night."

Izaya's eyes went wide. "You _heard_ me?"

"Of course I did." Kasuka replied, looking over at him.

"Why didn't you open the fucking door then!"

"Why? Why should I have?" Before Izaya could spit out a comment, Kasuka continued, returning to a normal sitting position after he cleaned up the floor. "Brother obviously has a lock on the door for some reason. " 'Oh well played.' Izaya said sarcastically in his head. He watched as the younger brother stood up, towel in hand and headed for the door. "Though once he gets home from work, he won't have to worry about that."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"Because I plan to kill you while he's at work." Izaya's face had never been so dumbfounded before. He wasn't even sure what to say. Such a bold statement said with such a deadpanned face. Kasuka stepped out of the room and as he was closing it, he gave Izaya a rather warm smile. "Ill see you in a few, Izaya." And with a click of the door, he was locked inside.

"Fuck." Izaya breathed.

* * *

Shizuo took in a long drag on his cigarette, his eyes focused on the dirt in front of him. He was sitting outside his house, ready to leave, but was just waiting for that damn doctor get there. Shinra had made a fuss over the phone about being called last minute all of the time, and while Shizuo did feel slightly guilty for doing so, he still was annoyed with the nagging and eventually told him to shut up and get on his way, also including that they needed to talk about something. That something was the issue that involved his brother, and the main reason that Shizuo wanted Shinra there in the first place. Shizuo didn't think that Kasuka would actually do anything to Izaya, but he also didn't think that his brother would ever be involved with anything like this either so he didn't want to take any chances.

The blond took in a long drag before letting all the smoke out in a long sigh, taking a glance down the street and being met with the man he had been waiting on for quite some time. He was actually a bit surprised to see that the doctor wasn't accompanied by his headless friend as well. "Took you long enough. Why didn't you have Celty bring you here?" Shizuo greeted, chucking his cigarette on the ground and stepping it out.

Shinra adjusted his glasses before he spoke. "Because unlike some people, I'm nice enough to not make my schedule revolve around hers! Celty-san has more important things to do than chauffeur me around whenever you call."

"Sorry that I keep calling you over then.." He mumbled. "But.. I'm just worried, and you're the only one I trust to do anything about it."

Shinra let out a sigh at the compliment. "It's fine, just a bit of notice would be nice." He quickly changed the subject though. "What is it about your brother you wanted to talk about though?"

Shizuo tensed a bit when Shinra brought it up, but pushed his feelings aside to tell him what was going on. "Yeah.. About that..." He mumbled. Shinra cocked his head to the side, raising an eyebrow in confusion to the blonde's actions. Shizuo did a quick glance around him, and back at the house to make sure that his younger brother wasn't around for him to hear. "When Izaya and I went to go look at those tapes...Y'know, Just the other day?"

Shinra nodded. "Mhmm.."

"Kasuka was the one there that was going through his stuff." Shizuo said. To this Shinra shook his head as if he had misheard.

"What? Kasuka!" Shizuo quickly hushed him, to which the doctor apologized and then continued. "But.. _Why_ was _he _at Izaya's apartment...?" Shinra thought for a moment before making a groaning sound. "Ahhh! This is all so confusing!" Shizuo made a face that said 'Oh, you're telling me?' and then Shinra sighed. "Well.. I suppose I understand why you wanted me over so soon."

The blond nodded and then looked down at his phone. "Yeah, I got to get going now though... I really don't think Kasu'll do anything, but just keep an eye on him..Both of them actually."

* * *

Kasuka was less than pleased when Shinra arrived before Shizuo had left. While the doctor walked in with a rather merry aura, Kasuka paid no attention to him and went to figuring out what he wanted to do without Shinra getting in the way.

Shinra could just feel that there was something going on with the vibe that the younger brother was giving off, but he didn't bring it to surface. "Ah, Kasuka. Where's Izaya?"

"In his room." He said bluntly, not looking up to pay the doctor any form of respect whatsoever. Shinra stared at him for a moment before making his way down the hall and towards the room he last remembered Izaya occupying. He stopped at the door and then knocked on it. "Izaya? Are you in there?"

"Yeah, open the door."

Shinra looked down the hall again and then set his bag down to unlock the door. As soon as the click sounded and he opened the door, Izaya pulled him in and then shut the door as if it'd lock from the inside. Shinra nearly tripped with how suddenly Izaya had yanked him in. He let out a slight yelp and then regained his balance, looking up at the other. "Izaya! What on the earth is g-"

"Kasuka wants to try and kill me." Izaya informed him.

" _What_." Shinra stated more than asked.

"I can't find my flickblade either. I don't know what I did with it, It's not in here anywhere." Izaya added as he looked around the already scattered room.

"Izaya, wait. You said...Kasuka wants to-"

"-Kill me, yes."

"How do you know that?"

"He just told me a few-" Izaya cut off when he heard the creaking of footsteps by the door. The two both grew quiet as they eyed the closed door, seeing Kasuka's shadow motion past it. After they were certain the other had passed by the door, they finally began talking again, but in low whispers. "Kasuka just told me before you got here..."

"Oooh, why did Shizuo have to leave now! What does he expect me to do about this?"

Izaya looked over at the door and then crawled towards it, peeking under the crack to see if Kasuka was anywhere near. "Did you really expect Kasuka to try and pull this while Shizuo was home? The guy's not an idiot unfortunately..."

"True.." Shinra sighed. He looked over to see Izaya quietly opening the door, pulling it further open very slowly. "Hey-! Izaya! What're you doing!"

"Shuuuush! " Izaya hushed. "I'm going to grab a knife or something. So I at least have some kind of defense.. Just give me a second."

Shinra made an unsure whine but didn't protest. "Be careful.." He mumbled after Izaya crept out into the hallway. He sighed and then turned himself towards his bag deciding to at least unload the stuff he had brought for Izaya's pain. He heard footsteps coming back and assumed it to be Izaya. "Hey, I brought more of that medicine for you, I'll have to give you some-Hey!" When he turned around, he only saw Kasuka shutting the door on him. Shinra quickly got up to reach for the door, but by the time he went to pull it open, Kasuka had already locked it. "Kasuka! Open the door! Kasuka!" Shinra began yelling, pounding on it and tugging at the handle. After a moment of not receiving any form of response, he let out a breath, before hearing the sound of metal clanking onto the ground. "Oh no..." He breathed.

* * *

Izaya cursed to himself when he allowed the knives he was looking through to fall to the floor. He went to bend down to pick it up, only to see Kasuka grabbing it for him. The actor examined it for a moment, acting as if he had a large interest in the cooking utensil. "What're you grabbing a knife for, Izaya?"

"Where's my flickblade?" Izaya demanded, taking a random knife from behind him and holding it defensively up towards Kasuka.

Kasuka didn't respond to him, but stared at the knife Izaya was holding towards him. The two were quiet for a long moment until Kasuka made eye contact with Izaya. "I really hate you, you know.."

"Heh, doesn't take a genius to figure that out." Izaya stated, smirking. "What were you doing in my apartment the other day?"

"I had a feeling you knew about that..." Kasuka replied, letting the knife in his hand dangle by his side. He went into his pocket, causing Izaya to tense up, unsure of what he was doing. "We were looking for this." The brunette held out what looked like to be some kind of poorly made voodoo doll, in which Izaya's face dropped to confusion. The stomach of the doll had a large gash in it, a hole past it like it would hold something inside. One arm of the doll looked as if it had been soaked in black ink while the rest of it was a tea brown.

"What..is that...?" Izaya asked, staring at it.

"What does it look like?"

Izaya stared at it before the connection clicked in his head. He looked back up to the younger brother. "You mean to tell me that all of this shit's been caused by voodoo?"

Kasuka let out a low cackle. "Oh, there's much more to it than that... I don't see any point in explaining it to you though."

"I don't get it, what the hell did I do to you to make you want to kill me so badly?" Izaya asked, keeping his eye on the pocket that Kasuka had returned the doll to.

"What makes me want to kill you...?" Kasuka's eyes sharpened as he stared into Izaya's red orbs. "I hate everything that you've done to brother."

"Shizuo?" Izaya stated. "That's all this is about! So what, I gave him a few scratches every now and then, that makes you want to kill me?"

"You destroyed him!" Kasuka shouted. "You molded him into obsessing over you for years and all you do is send him back home completely ruined!" Izaya backed up to Kasuka's tone, staying on guard. "The only thing I would ever hear from him was 'Izaya this, Izaya that! I want him dead, I hate him, I hate him!' His life was scheduled around YOU and I hated it!"

"So you go to the Yakuza for some kind of solution? The people that I work with, you go to?" Izaya responded with, trying to draw as much information out as he could.

"Hah!" Kasuka huffed. "You think I would ever do something like that? They came to me after that pathetic bitch of a secretary of yours got carried away."

"What...?"

"Oh, you didn't know that did you? You didn't think that I was the one that first started that horrible pain on your wrist, did you?"

"Namie...started it? But how?" Izaya mumbled, trying to go over everything in his head to come to a logical conclusion.

"For an informant, I'm surprised you don't already know about this..." Kasuka resurfaced the doll from his pocket and then held it up. "It's a doll that was made for young girls so many years ago in India. There was a ritual for the doll in which a person would take something that's a part of them, hair, skin, in some cases small limbs, and insert it inside the doll's stomach area. This would connect the doll to its owner and allow the young girl to be connected to her love through the Mark of Hitam*. The young girls could choose where they wanted their mark to surface by using a form of soot to stain the doll during the ritual. Most would choose their wrist because of the vein that's directly connected to the heart." Kasuka used one of his fingers to lift up the arm of the doll that had been tainted black and continued on with his explanation. "I'm sure you can speak for all of them that the Mark of Hitam isn't a very pleasant experience. While the doll is in the owner's possession, they barely feel much pain, but when it's not near them or in their hands, their pain's just slightly stronger or more frequent. The idea is that the person that's chosen by the doll to be the owner's lover is able to relieve the owner of it's pain and vanquish the Mark of Hitam."

"So...Shizuo's..." Izaya mumbled to himself, slowly piecing everything together as the actor went on with his explanation.

"But, like everything, somebody's always got to fuck that up too. People in that culture began to take the dolls away from the owners and mess with them, which disturbed their marks and caused strong waves of pain to course through the owner's body as a signal to find their doll. They talked about spirits being created after the birth of the ritual had began and the doll and owner were connected. Often the owners experienced visits from the spirits when the dolls and owner were separated for too long. The parents or guardians of the owners tried to get rid of the dolls after the whole ordeal happened." Kasuka looked down at Izaya's wrist and then placed his finger lightly on the dolls corresponding arm. "You can feel it, can't you? Just by barely touching the doll's mark, it's sending pain through yours, isn't it?"

Izaya didn't want to admit to Kasuka that it was true, but he knew the other already had the answer to that just by the way that Izaya had his fist clenched. He was absolutely terrified with the control that Kasuka had on him at the moment. He could try and take the doll away from him, but Izaya knew that wouldn't be an easy task,seeing as how all he had to do was touch down on the damn thing and it could send Izaya into a whirling state of pain.

"There are two ways to stop the connection between the doll and the owner. The first, is simply by finding your love and fucking them, and the second, is by removing whatever was put inside the doll's stomach area in the first place." Kasuka used his finger to slide towards the hole of the doll. "Do you know what would happen if I pulled this out..?" He said, indicating the few strands of hair that were entangled inside.

It didn't take much for Izaya to figure out that it'd kill him most likely. Kasuka seemed to have read the conclusion on his face because he laughed. "But that's not how I want to do it.." He put the doll back in his pocket and then clenched the knife he had in his other hand. "If I do it that way, then I'll lose brother forever."

"Lose him...? You mean that'd kill-" Before Izaya could say anything else, Kasuka charged at him, tackling him to the ground. Izaya recovered from the impact quickly and used the knife he had in his hand to stop the one that Kasuka was bringing down towards him. The two struggled for a moment before Izaya brought his knee up and slammed it into the other's stomach. He spun on the floor to try and get up but Kasuka quickly slammed the knife into Izaya's calf after he tried to squirm away. He took in a breath as Izaya let out a loud scream. "Aghhhh!" Izaya groaned, tightening his grip on the weapon he held. He tried to ignore the bleeding that was seeping out of the wound as well as the sharp pain that went with it when Kasuka removed the blade.

"You're mistaking me for my brother, Izaya. We don't have the same conscious, you know. I'm not going to hesitate to hurt you."

"Fuck..." Izaya breathed, turning onto his back as Kasuka crawled his way on top on him. "What makes you think Shizuo'll ever want to be with someone like you if you kill me while we're connected?"

The sentence seemed to have pissed Kasuka off more than Izaya had intended. He quickly went to go for another stab, only for Izaya to catch his wrist before the knife went plunging into his chest. Kasuka wasn't anything like his brother at all, and it was throwing Izaya off completely. The man was only used to engaging in fights with the brute, not something like this. He didn't know if this was ironic or not.

Izaya was struggling to keep Kasuka from going anywhere with that knife, but between the pulsing in his wrist, the pain in his calf and the pressure Kasuka was pushing down on him with, he wasn't going to be able to hold him off for long. Izaya did what he could to push Kasuka back and roll over so that he wouldn't get stabbed but once he went to roll onto his side, his wrist burst with an explosion of pain. He immediately let out a scream, dropping the knife in his free hand and clutching onto his wrist. Izaya's breath hitched, and his jaw tightened as he struggled to maintain the pain that was flowing through him. He could feel his eyes beginning to swell up with tears, distorting his vision completely and keeping him from seeing Kasuka leaning over him.

"You should just make this easy on yourself.." Kasuka mumbled, grabbing a fist full of Izaya's hair with his free hand and pulling him upward. Kasuka brought the bloodied knife up and didn't waste a second to plunge it into Izaya's abdomen. "Grahhh!-Ahhh!" Izaya choked, the tears spilling over and running down his face as Kasuka pulled the blade out of the new wound. Izaya didn't even bother fighting back anymore, there wasn't anything he could do when Kasuka had such an advantage over him. He didn't want to die though, he didn't want to be killed this way, but he just didn't have anything left to fight with. He felt his eyes thicken with the flow of tears and surprisingly, the only thing that went through his mind was the idiotic blond that had left him here in the first place. He felt another sharp pain slice into his stomach and lost his breath. Izaya struggled to get his lungs full of air and when he finally did, it was long before he released it. "Shizuo.." He struggled.

* * *

**A/N:** -sigh- What a lot of information jammed packed into this chapter. I really apologize for being so late, and for making Kasuka spill out so much information like that, but I do hope you were able to follow along with it. I had a writer's block at the beginning of this chapter, and that's why it took me so long to write this piece. But! The ending tidbit was what I had looked forward to writing for such a long time and I fleeew through that. As you can probably tell, this is getting closer to being all figured out~ There's still some more info on Namie and then the whole Yakuza stuff, so it's not over just yet, but it's getting there! Anyways, Onto reviews~

_CgB- I'm always glad you're happy there's an update! I'm so sorry about how long this one took xD_

_Midnight Reader- Hah! I love Delic too, so it's okay._

_Lo- I hope this chapter explained somethings then x3_

As always, Thank you guys for the reviews/alerts/favorites. I love them so much and it really keeps me writing x3 I'm glad so many of you enjoy this story.

**Mark of Hitam. I completely made all of that up, but Hitam means 'Black' in Indonesia. Not very creative, but just so you know.


	18. Chapter 17

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"Son of a bitch..." Shizuo huffed out. He halted his walk and looked down at his arm, half expecting to see that horrible bruise Izaya had with the pain that was burning through it right then. It didn't really hurt it was just annoying and worrying him at the same time. He stuffed his hand in his pocket after it subsided and groaned. "Damn flea..." Shizuo's heart sped up with just saying his name. He felt a slight blush form along his cheeks and then pulled out his phone to distract his thoughts. He wasn't sure what was going on, but ever since this morning that feeling had been surfacing every time he thought about Izaya. Over the passed few weeks, he knew he had been developing some kind of crush on the guy, but it never seemed this bad.

Shizuo sighed and glanced down at his phone, checking the date. He went to put it away but stopped when a thought crossed his mind. "Wait..." He mumbled, looking back at the date. After reassuring his thoughts he let out a frustrated groan. "I completely forgot I switched shifts the other day..." Shizuo mentally smacked himself before going to turn around. Just as his body was making the turn, the sound of a familiar motorcycle rang in his ears. Looking up, he just barely caught Celty jumping directly over him. When her bike hit the ground, she went to speed off. "Celty!" Shizuo shouted after, not liking the hurry she seemed to be in.

As she was speeding down the road, she looked back, spotting Shizuo and making a complete U-turn towards him. Before she came to a stop, she threw a shadow made helmet at the blonde and demanded him to get on. Shizuo didn't question her, and jumped on quickly, the two speeding off in the direction of the blonde's house.

"What's going on?" Shizuo asked her once they were nearing the house. Celty pulled out her PDA and quickly began typing on it with her shadow.

_"Shinra called. He said Your brother locked him inside a room and that there was something bad going on in the kitchen."_

"Oh great..." Shizuo breathed. "Did he say anything specific?"

_"No. He just said that he couldn't hear much, I heard Izaya screaming on the other end of the phone just before he hung up. I'm really worried."_

A silence settled in between the two, before Shizuo closed his eyes and let out a breath. "Please don't let it be serious..." He prayed to himself.

* * *

When Shizuo and Celty arrived back home, neither wasted any time in busting through the door. Shizuo didn't even bother trying to use his keys to unlock the damn thing, he tore it right off the hinges and stopped as soon as he stepped inside. The first thing that he saw was blood, and a lot of it at that. The second was Izaya, laying on the floor of his kitchen, completely unconscious and being the cause of all the blood that was all over the place. The third thing Shizuo took in was his brother at the sink, with the water running and rinsing off something. He didn't know what on earth he was feeling at that moment, he just felt something inside of him about ready to explode. "What the fuck did you- Kasuka!" Shizuo sprung forward in a race to catch his brother after he saw his body sway and fall backwards. He caught his brother just before he slammed into the ground and his eyes widened when he took in the damage that was on him.

Kasuka's throat had a thick, but not deep cut in it and there was a stab wound that was still bleeding in his side. The younger brother had most likely just fainted from the blood loss so he could only imagine Izaya...

Shizuo immediately set his brother down and motioned over towards the informant that laid lifeless on the floor. Shizuo put a hand to his mouth when he saw all the blood that had seeped out of the man. He was dead. He had to of been. There was no way he could still be breathing with all of that blood out of his system. Shizuo reached out a shaky hand towards his throat and gently placed his fingers against the skin feeling for a pulse. His heart seemed to have stopped for a long moment, trying to find one. He moved his fingers up slightly, hoping that they were in the wrong spot. Shizuo's fingers slid off his neck. He didn't want Izaya to be dead, he didn't want to believe it until he was positive there was no pulse either. Shizuo lowered his head towards the man's bloodied and stabbed chest, placing it against it to search out a pulse.

His breath was lodged in his lungs as he waited for something to sound, and just before he went to draw his head away he barely heard it. It was there. Izaya still had a pulse, but it was not one to be rejoicing for. He snapped his head to look for Celty, but the other was already thinking ahead and had gone to retrieve the doctor that was locked inside Shizuo's room.

Shinra came stumbling out, his hair a mess and his eyes wide at the scene. "Ohhhh my..." He breathed out, not sure where to even start. He looked around him and then rushed over towards the blonde to see the state Izaya was in. "I-is he..?"

"No, He's alive.. But..Barely..." Shizuo breathed. Shinra stared over the body of Izaya for a moment, before he let his hands ghost over his stomach, traveling down towards the bottom of his shirt. Shinra gently slid his fingers under the fabric, and did his best to pull the cloth off before it stuck into Izaya's wounds. Once the shirt was removed, he could see the spots that Izaya had been stabbed in.

"Three wounds to his chest and stomach...And a fourth one on his leg..." Shinra mumbled. He looked over to Shizuo and Celty. "Celty, could you bring me my bag? Shizuo, clear off your table and help me get Izaya on there." The two immediately sprung into motion, Shinra looking at the man's wounds before glancing over at Kasuka. He did a small visual check of the actor from the distance he was at,and came to the conclusion that he didn't need immediate attention like Izaya did. He adjusted his glasses as he waited on the other two.

* * *

_ "Heeeyy!...Wake up sleepy head!" There was a silence in the air before the crimson eyes cracked open, but they closed right after wards. "Phooey! That's no good!"_

_ "Leave him alone, he doesn't need to wake up the second you want him to Psyche."_

_ "But Deli! There's so many things I want to talk about!" _

_ Izaya's head felt horribly heavy, but his entire body seemed so light. He tried again to pull his eyes open, but the immense amount of light that flooded them made it hard to keep them open. He shook his head and finally succeeded in keeping his eyes open._

_ He blinked when he saw an exact replica of himself smiling down at him in a childish manner. He stared at him for a long while, seeing that the other had a different shade of eye color, and was wearing the clothes that Izaya had always saw himself in, in all of his recent dreams. Izaya looked over to notice that the Shizuo look-a-like was standing there next to the doppelganger of himself. _

_ "Ah! He's up, Delic!" The raven-locked boy cheered. _

_ "Where on Earth am I? And who the hell are you two?" Izaya groaned as he sat up._

_ "Aw, now that's not very nice.." His replica pouted. His expression quickly changed, his eyes gleaming. "But since you asked! I'm Psyche!"_

_ "Delic." The Shizuo look-a-like commented, giving a nod in Izaya's direction._

_ "As far as where you are though," Psyche's expression went into deep thought, poking his tongue out as well. "The easiest way to explain it would be inside yourself!"_

_ "What...?" Izaya mumbled._

_ "Ignore him." Delic cut in. "He's just a little excited, is all." Delic leaned down towards Izaya, getting on eye-level with him. "In the normal process of the ritual, the two of you are supposed to come here together, but that can't happen with you unfortunately..."_

_ "Ritual? You mean you two are part of that doll?"_

_ "Sorta. We're a type of... Persona, you could say, of the two of you. We've been awoken by the doll to bring the tw-"_

_ "The two of you are supposed to be brought together with our help! Once that happens, then we can be freed along with you!" Psyche jumped in._

_ Delic shot Psyche a long look for interrupting him, causing Psyche to squirm a bit under his gaze. These two were __**nothing **__like Shizuo and him. Izaya put a hand to his head. "Is this another one of those weird dreams again...?"_

_ "Dreams?" Delic questioned, scrunching his eyebrows together at the word. Psyche nodded as if to agree with him. _

_ "Yes. Like all the other times I saw one of you. They were all in dreams." _

_ Delic and Psyche both glanced at each other before turning back to Izaya. "Those weren't dreams, Izaya."_

_ "Nuh-uh!' Psyche added._

_ "What? Then what were they?" Izaya asked, more than confused as it was._

_ "It was us trying to communicate with you through your own spirit. Granted, we could only do such things while you or Shizuo were unconscious, so I suppose it's understandable that you assumed they were dreams.."_

_ "But...Shizuo...He never said anything about seeing you two...Or...Us?" Izaya thought over his words, confusing himself more than he already was._

_ Psyche chirped in. "That's because Shizzy-sans a poo-poo head and was too embarrassed to say anything!" _

_ "Psyche, please..." Delic mumbled. Psyche ignored Delic though and continued._

_ "Though Shizzy did look up stuff on it. He should've been able to figure it all out, but I don't think he has yet.."_

_ "No, not yet." Delic added. "He's stuck on the easiest thing ever.."_

_ "Which is what?" Izaya asked._

_ "That he's in love with you." Delic said with a shrug. Psyche immediately got giddy, and giggled after Delic said so. _

_ "It's really adorable you know!"_

_ Izaya felt his face heat up as he turned away. "H-how do you know that brute lov-..." Izaya couldn't even say the word._

_ Delic let out a low chuckle. "You two are so damn stubborn, y'know?"_

_ "Oh!" Psyche's eyes widened as he turned to Delic and started tugging on his sleeve. "Deli! We can't keep him here this long you know! This isn't good!"_

_ "It's fine Psyche, he's still got time."_

_ "Huh?" Izaya blinked. _

_ Psyche chewed his lip as he turned to Izaya. "The only reason that we're able to talk to you this well is because...well..." He let his eyes glance over at Delic, hoping he'd say it for him. The blonde rolled his eyes and then finished the sentence._

_ "It's because you're dying." _

_ "What!" Izaya blinked. "Then why are you still keeping me here! Let me go back dammit!"_

_ "Hey, hey! That's not in our control." Delic started. "The only way you can go back is if Shizuo finishes the connection."_

_ "C-connection?" Izaya mumbled. "You mean..." He looked over at Psyche and then remembered the encounter he had with him just the other night. Psyche seemed to understand the look that Izaya was giving him and nodded._

_ "Mhm. Shizuo hasn't made the connection like you have. Once the he does though, the two of you will be able to finally make sweet love and drown each other in happiness!" Psyche giggled. _

_ Izaya again found himself blushing, uncomfortable with the way the two kept speaking of the pair. He ignored it though. "What does that have to do with me living?"_

_ Delic started this time before Psyche had time to pitch in his thoughts. "The only thing stopping you from living is the fact that your soul can't return to your body. The stab wounds that...um..That guy did on you broke the bound your body had to your soul. Once Shizuo finishes the connection, then that should be enough to send you back into your body."_

_ "Huh." Izaya breathed. "Is it like this for everyone?"_

_ "What do you mean? To connect souls?"_

_ "Yes."_

_ "It used to be. Now though, there's hardly anyway for us to be awaken. Why do you think people fall in and out of love so fast? They're never truly connected in the first place."_

_ Izaya thought on this, his perspective of things beginning to change completely after this new found information. Delic pulled out a cigarette from the inside of his white jacket and then placed it between his lips._

_ "Whelp. It looks like we've kept you here long enough.." Delic said, taking a glance at their all white surroundings. Psyche nodded and then moved forward towards Izaya. He bowed to him and then brought his head back up to met his gaze. _

_ "It was nice to finally be able to talk to you, Izaya! We'll do our best to get Poo-poo head to finish the connection!" Psyche chimed._

_ Delic gave a nod and in seconds, Izaya was lost in complete darkness._

* * *

"His breathing has steadied out... He seems like he's fine.." Shinra mumbled as he did a quick check up of Izaya. "It's been over a week though.. he should've showed some kind of signs of movements by now. Unless Izaya banged his head on something when he went down, there should be no reason for him to be in a coma.." Shinra said as he pulled away from the body.

Shizuo's eyes were locked onto Izaya's still body as it laid in his bed. There was a cigarette burning slowly in his lips, making it the first cigarette from his new pack after burning through a full one already. Shizuo couldn't recall ever feeling so worn out from any event that had happened in his life. He wanted so badly for Izaya to just wake up and greet him with that horrible nickname of his. He wanted that bruise on his wrist to just completely vanish, along with everything that went with it. Shizuo wanted things to happen. He wanted to stop sitting in this room, and jumping every time the flea made some kind of small movement. For fuck's sake he just wanted to know that things were going to be okay.

His eyes moved from Izaya's body down to the item in his hands. He stared blankly at the strange doll that seemed to have some kind of cursed aura emanating off of it. He wanted to burn the damn thing and rid it from existence but the fear of causing something to Izaya kept him from doing so. He broke his eyes away from the doll and looked over to the man sitting off by the door.

Shizuo's eyes landed on the stitches across his brothers neck, the look reminding him of Frankenstein's monster. If the stitches went all around his neck, it would've made it even more so like the fictional character. Kasuka's eyes traveled upward before they locked onto his brother. Shizuo felt the gaze and looked up at him. He still hadn't brought himself to properly talk to Kasuka. He had never been so mad at his brother before in his life, and he was doing his best to keep his control. but the only way he seemed able to do it was to ignore him altogether. He took in a long drag of smoke, tearing his gaze away from his brother. Kasuka's head dropped when his brother turned away from him. His eyes fell upon the ground where he'd stay like that until his brother would approach him later.

Shizuo flicked the ash that had built up at the end of his cigarette into the ash tray next to him and then placed the nicotine stick back between his lips. The end burned a bright orange before it cooled down as Shizuo released the smoke from his lungs. His eyes went back down to the doll to find a shadow wrapping around it. A moment later, a PDA was shoved into his face, the doll being lifted out of his hands.

_"I'd like to hold onto this if you don't mind. I'd rather not risk anything happening to Izaya because of it."_ Shizuo looked passed the screen and up to the headless woman in front of him and nodded.

"You'd probably take better care of it than any of us here..." He breathed out.

Celty nodded and then pulled up a chair from the desk that was in the room, placing it next to Shizuo, sat in it, and then began typing away on her PDA.

_"I think you should try to talk to him Shizuo..."_ Celty displayed.

Shizuo looked at the comment and again sent a gaze towards his brother. He would admit that Kasuka looked like a depressed mess, but if it weren't for him, none of this would've happened!

_" We could always use as much information on this as we can get. I'm sure he won't hold back from telling you."_

Shizuo read the words and then leaned back in his seat, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth and puffing smoke into the air. Shinra looked over at the two from his spot beside the bed, and then over to Kasuka. He brought his gaze back to Izaya and let his eyes travel down towards his wrist. The thought of asking his father about this entire situation crossed his mind, but he never went through with it, worried that if his father didn't know about it already, he'd want to come and examine and study everything. Looking up towards the blonde that Celty was trying to talk to gave him the feeling that this whole mess was just about over with. Over in what way, he wasn't sure. He was just hoping that it wouldn't result in Izaya's death.

_" I'm sorry if I'm saying anything you don't want to think about..."_

"It's fine." Shizuo mumbled as a response. "You're probably right though..."

Celty hesitated before typing on her device again. A few backspaces here and there and she finally typed up what she wanted to say._ "I don't think you're blaming the right person Shizuo."_ She pulled her device back to her and began finishing her thought. _"I don't think Kasuka is the type of person to go about something like this on his own.. You said he was with the Yakuza, right?"_

Shizuo nodded and Celty continued. _" He could've always been threatened to do this? Or something else, but I still think you should give him a chance. He is your brother after all."_

Shizuo stared over the words for a long moment before turning his head forward. "Eh..." Celty sat there for a moment, trying desperately to think of something else to think of to say to the blonde. She gave up though and put her PDA away, setting her hands in her lap. She was just about as worried with this whole thing as everyone else was. While Izaya might've deserved a lot for some of the things that he caused for other people, she could never say that he deserved anything like this. It could've been the fact that she consider him a friend that she felt that way, or because it might've been true, but regardless, this whole mess was horrible. Celty felt bad enough that Shinra had to indulge himself in a completely new study because of this, causing him many days without sleep, but he felt considerably bad for the blonde next to her. She knew that Shizuo was covering up how he really felt. Or maybe he didn't even know what he felt, but she could only imagine the thoughts that were going through the other's head. She tilted her neck towards the blonde just before he began to make movement. Shizuo took his cigarette and smashed the tip into the ash tray and left it there. He stretched out his arms and let out a yawn before standing up and making his way towards the door, stopping in the presence of his brother. Kasuka blinked, and slowly brought his gaze upward to look at Shizuo once he realized that the shadow looming over him wasn't moving. Shizuo nodded his head towards the door and then opened it, stepping aside for his brother to step through. Kasuka stared at the open door and pushing down any hesitation, he stood up and stepped out.

His stomach was in a fit of butterflies as he did so. His hands were shaking and his vision felt unclear. He knew he was scared, but it was obvious there was something more than that. Kasuka stepped out into the kitchen, turning to face his brother and that horrible look he had been giving him ever since Kasuka woke up about a week ago. He felt a tight squeeze on his heart when his eyes took in his brother's features. This wasn't how it was supposed to be... This wasn't how it was supposed to be at all..

Shizuo balanced his weight on one foot, bending his hip outward and then crossing his arms. "I want to know everything." Kasuka looked downward like a dog during a scolding, his heart jumping at his brothers tone. "I swear to God, Kasuka, if you leave one thing out, that's the end of us completely."

That single threat was enough for Kasuka to want to give Shizuo anything that he asked for. The thought of never being able to have a form of relationship with his brother threatened an emotion that Kasuka wasn't sure of. Whatever it was, it made him almost want to cry. With that threat in mind, Kasuka took in a deep breath and began to tell his brother everything from the start, including all that he knew on Namie as well.

* * *

**A/N:** Hello. How are you? ...Oh, okay.

So with this chapter, I tried to make it less grammatically error'd, but I don't think I really accomplished that. I predict a few more chapters. Do you know what that means? Smuts coming up in about..one or two chapters. I don't have much to say about this. I tried to give you guys some Psyche and Delic fun there, but that's about all I got. I hope you enjoyed this. Because I love you all.

Onward, Onward!

_Hika Kara- I hope this chapter satisfied you =w= And that makes me feel really good about this story xD Thank you x3_

_animeg- I'm happy you think I'm creative x3 He is just a jealous butt, isn't he? D: Does it really leave you on edge like that...? :'3 That makes me happy to know._

_cagallikushinarafika- heheh x3 There was another person that said the same thing xD I know nothing about it though .w. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter then._

_Midnight Reader- Yes, The Mark of Hitam was all complete bullshit on my part xD I'm glad it sounded real though! :D Thank you x3 I can't help it. I love a mentally messed up Kasuka..._

_Lo- I'm sorry. Just be glad I haven't given up on this story xD I'm glad you liked the voodoo doll thing~_

_CgB- xDDD! I think everyone wants to stab Izaya at some point or another. ILY2 x3 _

_Also, to RanchDressing- I totally didn't realize that when I responded to your review, the whole cell phone scene hadn't happened yet xDDD Sorry!_

As always, Thank you everyone that reads this. I know I say it every A/N, but I do really appreciate it.


	19. Chapter 18

**Characters**: Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating:** M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary**: Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

Kasuka really didn't have any clue as to when this whole emotional mess started. He supposed that thinking back on his days, that feeling he had was always with him, even from day one it seemed. He never understood what it was, as he didn't with other emotions. This one in particular though, it always bothered him. He thought that maybe it was just supposed to be what others considered a strong bond, but he learned that it was definitely much more than that. He learned from years and years of studying people's emotions what it was that was bubbling up inside his chest.

He never felt threatened though. Not once did he ever feel that emotion of his being threatened, and he believed it never would be. It was why Kasuka had never given a second thought as to why Shizuo was dragging Izaya into his home quarters a month ago. It was why Kasuka never checked in on his brother more than a normal person would while away on movie sets. It was why when Kasuka had been fired for the first time ever as an actor, he came straight to his brother's home without questioning it.

That feeling was always left alone inside him. There was never anything that wanted to take it away from him before. It had always been that way since the beginning. Kasuka had always left that emotion alone, but the day he'd been fired was unfortunately the first day that his precious emotion was bothered.

He knew he was in love with his brother, he would never deny that. He knew it and accepted it wholeheartedly. He knew that no one else would ever approach his brother the way he had, nor would anyone every take care of him the way he had.

It was because of that emotion that Kasuka agreed to being in on this whole scheme.

He wouldn't lie and say he wasn't surprised that he had been contacted by the Yakuza only nights after he had been fired. Such an odd offer was proposed to him though, and if they hadn't of touched at the caged emotion he had, they never would've been able to trap Kasuka in this mess.

He felt stubborn in doing so, but the young actor had agreed to meeting up with the group of unknown men to discuss the negotiation further. The negotiation that was made was simple. Be the holder of the doll and kill Izaya, (which, at the time, he actually wasn't told who it was he would be killing, he only found out from seeing Izaya himself in the wrecked state his brother had brought him home in a few weeks ago.) and in return, he'd earn Shizuo's love. Kasuka denied countless times when offered. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that killing Izaya would in no way guarantee the love of his brother, but once further knowledge of the doll was explained, once Kasuka learned that with Izaya out of the picture, Kasuka could take his place and be branded with the Mark of Hitam, it was then that Kasuka began to let that emotion of his take control.

It was also because of that horrible emotion that Kasuka couldn't bring himself to tell his brother the reason behind why he agreed to it. He tried to lie, say that he thought Izaya's death was what he always wanted, but the words couldn't even come out. Shizuo instead was sitting across from him, his head buried in his hands, looking completely stressed.

"Kasu...Why? Why would you ever agree to something like that!"

'Because I want you to love me...' Kasuka wanted to say the words out loud so badly, but he didn't have the courage to. It was obvious enough that Shizuo detested him currently, how disgusted would he be if Kasuka confessed? "I-I'm so sorry Shizuo.." Kasuka had never in his life wanted to cry. Never did he feel the need to cry for anything. No matter what situation he was involved, no matter how strongly he was hurt, he had never felt the need to cry.

Now he just couldn't stop himself. He tried to hold it back, he couldn't let Shizuo see him like that, but once they leaked over his lids, he couldn't stop them. He wiped at his eyes to try and dry them away, but it seemed to only make it worse. His eyes burned, his throat felt clogged, and his mouth hung open slightly as he cried.

Shizuo's whole atmosphere completely changed at the sight before him. He had never seen his brother cry before, and he was almost wondering if this was some kind of trick, but watching the way his shoulders shook, his sobs choked, and his tears flowed, he knew that no matter how good of an actor, Kasuka could never fake something like that. Shizuo quickly moved in front of his brother, kneeling down as he cupped Kasuka's face to pull it upward into his view. "Hey, hey! Don't go bawling on me now!" He started, watching as Kasuka attempted again to rub the tears away. God did he feel so pathetic.

"I-I-I'm so-sorry!" He apologized. Shizuo stared at his brother with a worried expression.

"Kasuka.. Just tell me please..." Kasuka brought his gaze upward, staring hypnotically into his brothers gorgeous eyes. "Just tell me why you did it." That look in his eyes clenched tightly onto Kasuka's heart, and gave him that small amount of courage to finally tell him.

"I...I wanted you t-to...I wanted you to love me back.." Kasuka pulled his gaze downward after saying this, Shizuo stunned into silence. There it was. He said it. Now things would only get worse from this point forward.

"What." Shizuo growled. "Kasuka! Why on earth would you think I don't already love you! I haven't proved that enough!" He was about to explode. That couldn't have been it. That was NOT the reason that Kasuka Heiwajima had put aside his entire career, associated with the Yakuza, and attempted to kill a man. There was no way-

Shizuo's thoughts halted instantly the second he felt lips smash against his. His body stilled, mind froze and breath stopped. The warm lips flickered lightly on his, and then held them there as if to savor the moment. When they finally pulled away, Shizuo found himself staring wide-eyed at his brother.

It was then that Shizuo made the correct connection. He realized the type of love he had earlier mistaken it for, was now the one that had been displayed to him a moment ago. He didn't know what to do. He was too shocked to think of anything. How did he not see this...? How did Kasuka hide that feeling so well from him?

Shizuo took in the way his brother was blushing, eyes casted downward and snapped out of his trance. "K-Kasuka.. I had no-"

"-Don't say it..." He cut in, his voice sounding desperate. "Please don't say it..."

Shizuo stopped talking and stared at Kasuka. An awkward silence had settled in, and it made the blond confused as to what to do next. He looked down and shifted slightly before sitting back in the seat he occupied last. Kasuka didn't make much movement, aside from wiping his face some more, now that his tears had stopped. Shizuo didn't know what else to really do, so just pushed what happened into the back of his mind and continued questioning his brother.

"Who..." He paused trying to think of what he needed to even ask. "Who is all involved in this?"

Kasuka fiddled with his thumbs for a moment. "There's the people from the Yakuza...Me.. and Namie was...I don't know any individual names from the group..."

"Namie..? What was she doing...?" Shizuo asked with a raised brow.

"She..She was the one that was holding the doll before me.. Um," Kasuka shifted a bit and then continued. "I don't really know exactly what happened, but there was something done with the doll that caused Izaya to attack her...and, that's how she wound up dead."

"Huh..." Shizuo breathed, thinking over all of the information he had obtained so far. He could tell that Namie wasn't too fond of Izaya from the one encounter that they had, but what reason did she have for trying to kill him..? And how come what ever happened to her, didn't happen with Kasuka? Shizuo wracked his brain to come to some kind of conclusion, but he just didn't know enough. Namie was killed, and shortly after, Kasuka had taken over her role. How soon did he do that though...? "How..long did you guys know Namie was dead...?"

"I don't know. They knew about it before they even contacted me. It wasn't too long though..."

"And you went to Izaya's to find this doll?"

"Yeah.." Kasuka breathed. "Though some of the other men were trying to take other things, but I don't know if they were able to or not."

Shizuo went quiet, grabbing his hair in thought. It's nice to know about all of this stuff, but how the hell were they supposed to get rid of that damn mark when Izaya wasn't even conscious? He let out a groan before looking back towards his brother. "Can you get in contact with those guys?"

"The Yakuza? Yes. They told me to get in touch when Izaya was dead."

Shizuo chewed his lips as his eyes scattered about. "All right... You're gonna be doing that soon."

* * *

Shizuo sat almost alone in his bedroom, his eyes fixated on the ceiling. His mind had been wandering about aimlessly in thoughts, but none of them served to be any use to him. Shizuo's caramel eyes followed non-existent patterns on the ceiling. The room was dark, with the little bit of moon light and random passing cars providing some light inside. Shizuo couldn't find it in him to fall asleep, not with everything that happened.

Celty took Shinra back to their apartment to allow the man to get some rest for once, and had promised to come back so that Shizuo could get some rest himself. He didn't know if she was back yet or not, and he didn't really care. His mind was too caught up in worry to pay attention to her, as selfish as it sounded. Shizuo closed his eyes and held them shut for a moment, taking in the burning feeling that came along with it. He really needed to get some sleep, and he knew it.

Shizuo cracked his eyes open and turned towards the bed, watching as the pale informants chest rose and fell in a steady and peaceful pattern. Shizuo stared at him, examining his profile and finding himself standing up, motioning towards the bed that Izaya was resting at. The blond took a seat on the open side of the bed and turned his body towards Izaya. He let out a deep breath and raised a hand towards Izaya's head. His fingers brushed through Izaya's hair, the feeling soothing to him. Shizuo rested his backside against the headboard and continued to let his fingers brush through the other's hair. The motion was simple, but relaxing to him, making it hard for the blonde to keep his eyes open. It wasn't very long before Shizuo easily drifted off to sleep.

* * *

_ "Hey Psyche..."_

_ "Yeah, Izzy?"_

_ "First off, Don't call me that.." Izaya mumbled. Psyche chewed his lip as he instantly nodded his head in apology. "Second... Why am I back here?"_

_ "Mm..." Psyche was sitting down beside Izaya, with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. "I don't know..." He sighed. "Delic's been busy with Shizzy for a while now. I'm not sure why you're here, I know I'm not summoning you."_

_ "Is it because I'm dying?" Izaya asked._

_ "..." Psyche squirmed a bit while putting his head towards his knees. "Maybe...But Delic should be taking care of that.."_

_ "..." Izaya looked down at himself and how much his dark clothes contrasted with all of the white around him. He had never before been so sick of seeing that color before. "Psyche..."_

_ "Mhm?"_

_ "What did you mean before when you said that you and Delic would be freed? Freed from what?" Izaya asked, turning his head to face his clone._

_ "Oh!" Psyche immediately piped up, poking his head out of his legs and smiling at Izaya. "We're both bound to you guys until you can get on without our help! Once that happens, then we can be released from you two and be on our own!" _

_ "So you're basically our personal cupids..." Izaya mumbled._

_ "Huh? Cupid?" Psyche blinked, and after seeing that Izaya wasn't going to answer him, just shrugged. "If that helps you understand it better, than sure!" He smiled. Psyche's smile dropped though when he saw the sad look on the other's face. "Izzy...?"_

_ "I told you not to call me that."_

_ "Oh! Right! Psyche forgot!" Psyche curled up, feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry."_

_ "It's fine..." Izaya mumbled._

_ "..." Psyche kept an eye on him and sighed, turning his gaze to look forward at the emptiness. "Is Izaya upset that he'll be with Shizuo...?" _

_ Izaya was quiet for a long moment, moving about, and taking his arms, resting them behind him and leaning backwards. He let out a deep breath as his eyes stared upwards, before just laying on his back completely. "No. I'm not upset."_

_ Psyche tilted his head to the side, the headphones he was wearing slipping just slightly from his ear, but quickly put back in place by a slim and pale hand. "Then.. Why is Izaya so upset?"_

_ "It's 'Why are you so upset'..." Izaya corrected._

_ "Huh?"_

_ "You're speaking in a third point of view perspective.. That's not right. It should be second person point of view when you address someone."_

_ "...But...What?" Psyche asked confused._

_ "Never mind." Izaya sighed. "And I'm not upset, for the record."_

_ Psyche thought only a moment longer on what Izaya corrected him on, before shaking it off and continuing. "But Izaya seems so sad."_

_ " You. Not Izaya."_

_ "But your names Izaya...?"_

_ "See! You did it there, why can't you do it all the time?"_

_ Psyche grabbed his head in small frustration. "Ooh, I'm confused.."_

_ "Forget it." Izaya waved a hand dismissively. "I'm just scared."_

_ "Scared? What's there to be scared of? You should be happy that you're gonna be loved!" Psyche squeed._

_ "For any normal person, that'd probably be the case, but, I'm far from a normal person, and Shizuo definitely isn't too normal himself."_

_ Psyche chewed his lip. "Are you afraid of Shizuo? Or..just the whole situation in general."_

_ "I'm scared of a lot of things.. I'm scared I'm not going to live through this.. I'm scared that if I do live through this, Shizuo won't accept me. I'm scared that if he does, it won't last-"_

_ "Don't say that!" Psyche cut off, making a rather angry face at Izaya. "You can't worry about the things that could happen! Shizuo fell in love long before you did! There'd be no way he'd do anything to hurt you!"_

_ "If you grew up around either of us, that statement would be the last thing anyone would say." Izaya sighed. Psyche pouted his lip out before sticking his tongue at the informant._

_ "Izaya's just being a poo-poo head too!" _

_ "You're so childish.. I don't understand how you came from me in any way."_

_ Psyche shrugged. "I just think it's a big mistake on Izaya's part to be scared."_

_ "Eh..." Izaya breathed. "Isn't it bad for me to be here..? You said that last time I showed up."_

_ "Yeah, but Psych-OH!" Psyche slapped a palm to his forehead before mumbling to himself. "So stupid! How could I forget!" _

_ Izaya sat up slightly and looked at his double with a raised eyebrow. "Hm?"_

_ "You're here because Shizuo's making the connection! DUH!" Psyche then stood up and looked around as if there was so much to see. "Psyche just doesn't know when that'll be done though. You should be able to go back to your body soon though!"_

_ "Well...That's good..but.." Psyche cocked his head to the side as if to ask 'What?' and Izaya continued. "How do you forget something as important as th-"_

_ "-Ah! It's all over with now! That was too fast!" Psyche exclaimed, his eyes looking around at all of the white. Izaya took a glance around to see what exactly it was that Psyche appeared to be obtaining his information from before being attacked from his side. Psyche had tackled him into a hug and was snuggling against his shoulder. "Good luck, Izzy!I'm not gonna see you again after this!"_

_ "What? But I didn't even-" And before Izaya could finish his sentence, he found his sight filled with black._

* * *

Izaya's eyes shot open, as well as his body a moment after and-Son of a bitch did his stomach hurt. Izaya groaned before grabbing it, his whole body feeling stiff. He tried to catch his breath, and looked around the room he was in. It wasn't one that he had seen before, but it was similar to the room Shizuo had let Izaya stay in for the past few weeks, so he could only assume it was the blonde's personal room. Izaya was thankful that he wasn't seeing white any longer. The room was dark, but once his eyes adjusted to everything, he could see clearly.

Funny, it didn't seem that long ago that he was terrified of the dark.

Izaya pushed the thought away, and pulled the blankets off of his legs, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He let out a yawn and sat there for a moment. The sharp inhale of breath brought his attention to the man that had fallen asleep next to him in bed. Izaya didn't even feel his presence there, and when his eyes looked at the blonde, his heart felt like it had just exploded.

His stomach turned uncomfortably into knots, his heart skipped, and a small blush crept up on his face. Shizuo looked beautiful like that. Izaya took the time to appreciate the image, pulling one of his legs back on the bed as he turned his body to look at him.

His head was tilted slightly to the side, his hair barely ruffled, but in an attractive way. The black vest he normal wore had been discarded, and the top three buttons of his shirt had been undone, revealing the smooth and near tan skin underneath. Shizuo's chest was rising and falling in a rythmatic pattern, and his hand was resting on his lap, while the slight light that came in from the window highlighted his good features.

Izaya felt like throwing up. The emotions that were pulsing through him now were so much stronger than anything he had ever felt before. He didn't understand it, but he knew exactly what it was. He brought a hand up and brushed the back of his fingers against Shizuo's cheek, and then flipped it around to run a single digit along the man's jaw line. "How did I never see this before..?" He mumbled to himself.

Shizuo's eyes snapped open, causing Izaya to instantly pull his hand back. The blond shot upward and rubbed his eyes, looking towards Izaya. Shizuo's lips curved upward slightly. He flung his arms around Izaya and pulled him further onto the bed. "You're finally awake!" He exclaimed as Izaya fumbled for what to do.

"Ah, Ah, Ah! Shizuo, that hurts!" Izaya responded with, his stomach being stretched in a painful way from the tight hug that the other had him in.

Shizuo immediately let go, placing his hands onto Izayas shoulders, as Izaya grabbed at his stomach. "S-sorry.. I'm just.. I was worried, you know.."

Izaya looked upward, crimson meeting mocha and blushed. He was thankful for the fact that it was dark out, not knowing what he'd do if the blond saw him like this. Izaya was tongue-tied, not sure what to say. When did he ever have a problem talking to this brute? "Oh? Shizu-chan was worried about my well being?"

"Of course I was! I was gone for twenty minutes, and come home to a bloody mess! I was really scared you were going to die.." Shizuo said, shrugging his shoulders a bit. "And you've been out for over a week now too..I didn't know what was going to happen to you."

This didn't sound right at all. Those words coming from that man, didn't sound right to Izaya at all. What happened to all the hateful words that used to come from the man? Where was all the anger that used to pour out of him? This was too nice, it was too caring. It was something Izaya had rarely gotten the chance to see before, but now it seemed that was all he would ever know.

Izaya brought his hand upwards, and ran it along Shizuo's lips, staring intensively at them. Shizuo withdrew his hands from the raven's shoulders and placed them in his lap, unsure what to do with them while Izaya felt along his lips. He looked down at the arm, and then up to Izaya with a confused expression. With every brush of that finger, Shizuo's heart started pounding faster and faster. He knew he was blushing at this moment, he just hoped the other couldn't tell. Izaya realized, as he removed his finger, and leaned in closer that this side of him, this caring and protective side of Shizuo...

He pressed his lips against the blondes, just brushing them together in the first movement, before allowing them to flicker against the others.

It was then Izaya realized that he liked this side.

* * *

**A/N:** I never really expected to write this next chapter so fast... Eh, good for you guys I guess. As misleading as the ending part is, there will **not be** any **smut** in the next chapter. Sorry if I just crushed your hopes xP

I also realize that I rushed Izaya being unconscious, but I honestly just didn't feel like dragging that out, so forgive me.

_animeg- ..x3 I swear I don't intentionally do that. Now you know.. Most of it. There's still some more on Namie though, but that should be explained in the next chapter, I think..._

_Remi- Thank you x3 I'm glad you love this. It's all gonna be revealed 8D_

Thank you to all readers. The last chapter had put this story on 100 alert lists x3 I appreciate everyone that reads this.


	20. Chapter 19

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"Shiki-san..." Izaya mumbled. His eyes were staring downward, his mind deep in thought. Shizuo was seated beside him, his hand over the weakening bruise that claimed Izaya's wrist, while Shinra was seated in a chair he pulled up from the kitchen on the informant's other side. Celty stood behind the couch, sending looks from Shinra to the informant, and then back again. Kasuka was seated in front of the two on the couch, his head hanging low. "Why would..." Izaya had trouble saying his thoughts out loud. He withdrew his arm from the blond and proceeded to bury his head in his hands, groaning as everything was slowly coming together in his mind.

"Perhaps you have something that he wants...?" Shinra suggested.

"That bastard would've just asked me for it..." Izaya replied, chewing on his lip. "He had to of had some kind of hidden motive for this all... Something he didn't tell anyone about..."

_" Well, we'll find out later tonight now, won't we...?"_ Celty typed, holding it out for whoever wanted to read.

Shizuo glanced at it and then let out a breath. "Hopefully..." His eyes wandered around the room for a moment before bringing them up towards his brother, looking at the deep loathing that was showing in his eyes as he stared at the informant. He felt like this whole thing was all his fault. He knew he couldn't do anything to help Kasuka feel better, and he also knew that Kasuka must be going through hell right now, just having to sit there and watch all of this play out in front of him. He didn't know what he was going to do once this was all over with, he had no idea how he would be able to approach his brother after this.

Shizuo hated the fact that he was using his brother's soft spot for him to try and bring this whole thing all to an end. Just moments ago the bartender had forced his brother into calling the Yakuza member and setting up a meeting for them later tonight. The conversation was short and simple enough, both sides completely clueless as to who would be attending the late meeting. He had no idea how this was going to go down, but Shizuo knew he'd make sure that it would finally be the end.

Izaya brought his thumb to his mouth, chewing on his nail as he searched his brain for some kind of answer. He took a glance over at Shinra. "You two know what you're doing tonight, right?"

Shinra nodded, adding a smile to the gesture. "Of course. Won't be too hard. "

"Good..."

* * *

Izaya would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous. His stomach was doing flips the entire way there, and every time the limo they were in hit a bump in the road, he swore he was going to puke. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the seat, trying to let his stomach, as well as thoughts, settle before they got there. He took slow breaths to ease his nerves, but nothing seemed to be working. Izaya had no idea how this confrontation was going to play out and it was terrifying him. He knew Shiki, and he knew what kind of person he was. Whatever his motive for this whole scheme was, he knew Shiki would pull whatever strings he had to to put things in his favor.

Izaya had been telling himself that there wasn't anything to worry about-what, with the team they had going to this meeting,- but he knew that no matter how strong Shizuo may be, how invincible Celty may be, or how smart Shinra may be, this was the Yakuza they were talking about. This was a serious meeting, and if Izaya's analitical skills meant anything in previous Yakuza meetings, he knew for sure that when things were serious, the boss would always double, hell even triple up on what they normally would need in both men and guns.

A gentle grip on his thigh pulled the informant out of his deep thought, yanking his attention away from the window and to the man sitting next to him. Izaya stared first at the blond, and then down at his hand before letting his features smooth out into an emotionless expression. Shizuo didn't say anything like Izaya was expecting him to, but he didn't have to. His face said everything for him. It was that forced comfort expression, the one people use when they're trying to comfort the person that needs it, but they're in just about as much turmoil as they are. Izaya took in a deep breath through his mouth, allowing his heart to calm, and then released it in a huff of air. Shizuo removed his hand from the other man and allowed his head to turn towards the window opposite of Izaya's.

He couldn't see Celty at all from inside the limo, and even though he knew where her and Shinra would be, he couldn't help but want to actually see them as they were driving to their seperate destination, just for a little less worry. The silence that had settled amongst the three of them was rather unsettling and provided way too much time for worried minds to wander further into territory that would be best to stay away from. Shizuo felt threatened and maybe even slightly panicked as his mind began to play out scenes he would have rather not thought of. Four of the most important people to him were about to put themselves at risk for this, knowledge of that fact made Shizuo chew his lips in worry, ready for a cigarette the second he got out of this vehicle.

Izaya's eyes took hold of the reflection in his window, and turned his gaze back to the blond, wondering just what might have been going through his mind at the moment. His eyes only stayed for a moment before they shifted over to the brunette opposite of them. Deadpanned expression as always, but Izaya could easily see just how upset the man really was. He stared at his smooth features, and lifeless eyes for a long moment, as if trying to penetrate into his thoughts through those dark orbs. He blinked and looked down at the mess of necklaces he had put on to hide the stitches of the mark Izaya had left on him in their earlier brawl. If it hadn't been for the reflexive movement of Izaya's, he would've definitely died long before Shizuo and Celty were able to get there. The redness of the gash showed when the jewlery dangled off his neck from hanging his head so low like he had been.

The car door on Shizuo's side clicked open as the driver stood aside to allow the three men to file out. Kasuka's eyes moved upward, sending a deep look to his brother before shifting those brown eyes towards the open door and sliding himself out. Izaya watched him without saying anything, and moved his gaze to Shizuo after he noticed he hadn't shifted at all. Shizuo was staring at him, looking for something to say to the pale man. He opened his mouth for a long moment and then shut it with a sigh.

"...You should get going." Izaya mumbled, turning his head away and back to the window.

"But..." Shizuo hesitated. "...Will you be alright here?"

Izaya wanted to laugh, but couldn't find it in himself to do so. "Will _I _be alright? Shizuo, I'm the safest one out of all of us. I'll be fine. I'm more worried about you than anything.." Izaya trailed off, casting his gaze downward.

"...Me..?"

"Yes you." He huffed and then forced a chuckle. "You're...putting everything on the line here...Just for my sake." Izaya looked back over at the blond, seeing that his words weren't comforting him in the slightest. Izaya brought his hand up to Shizuo's face, and lightly brushed the back of his fingers along his cheek, brushing some of the blond locks back. "Please don't worry about my safety. Worry about your brother out there, not me."

"..." Shizuo stayed quiet as he locked eyes with his once sworn enemy. Izaya withdrew his hand, and then nodded towards the open door. Shizuo took a glance behind him and then looked back at Izaya. He leaned in towards the other, only to find a finger on his lips.

"Don't." Izaya breathed.

"Why not...?"

Izaya chuckled. "Shizu-chan, don't you ever watch movies? The hero always kisses the maiden just before they're seperated, or one of them dies."

"...That's not funny, Izaya."

"It wasn't supposed to be." Izaya pulled his finger away and smirked, leaning back in his seat. "Think of that as a reward to come back for if everything goes well." Shizuo nodded to him and then looked towards the car door, and his brother who was standing patiently outside of it. He took one last long look at Izaya before leaving the car. Izaya let his eyes stay on Shizuo until the driver closed the door and the two began to walk off. After that, he took in a deep breath and put a hand over his stomach, a small shot of pain tingling around the surface of his stab wounds. He winced a bit, but relaxed a moment later. Izaya took out his phone and glanced at the time, knowing he would be sitting there for quite some time before he'd show himself. Turning back towards the window the two stepped out of, Izaya could see that people were beginning to gather from the other side of the parking building they were inside. It didn't surprise him that Shiki would want to make the meeting spot in a place like this, and near the top level of the place as well. Izaya felt sick to his stomach thinking about it, but he knew that Shiki had plans of leaving a corpse behind. He also knew that the plan to tell them Izaya was already dead wasn't going to work either, but if it could at least keep them busy for a little while, then maybe they could all leave here alive..

Izaya huffed out a breath and looked out his own window, up to the building that towered over this one. Celty and Shinra should've just arrived there if they were able to make it without any interruptions.

* * *

Shizuo felt his breast pocket for his cigarettes, pulling it out and retrieving a cigarette for himself. He returned the pack to his pocket and busied himself with lighting the stick while him and Kasuka walked into the open area where other men had begun to gather. Shizuo glanced upward, not caring for any of the guards that were standing around them. He inhaled a deep breath of the cigarette, dropping his lighter into his pocket as he pulled the stick away from his lips and let all the smoke out. The two of them stopped a safe distance away from the others and waited. It wasn't long before a car pulled up, and out piled the man that everyone had been waiting on.

His white suit stood out amongst all the others, his thin and dark eyes taking in Shizuo first before shifting them towards Kasuka. He, like Shizuo, had a cigarette burning between his lips. He pulled it away and nodded at some of his men. The men moved around a bit before finally settling into random spots that had most likely been planned out before after the meeting had been scheduled. "I don't remember you mentioning anything about bringing any guests with you." Shiki stated non-chalantly.

Kasuka's facial expression didn't change. "You didn't excatly state you were bringing anyone either."

To this Shiki smirked, bringing his eyes up to the actor. He didn't waste any time into getting on with the meeting. "What's the status of Orihara Izaya?"

"Dead." Kasuka answered bluntly.

"That's good to hear." Shiki stated. "But do you have any proof?"

"..." Kasuka remained quiet before turning his body to the side, showing his car. "His body's inside there if you would like to take a look."

Shiki was quiet for a long moment, the two staring deeply at eachother. He then nodded to one of his men, and they went in the direction of the car. "You know what I never liked about you, Kasuka?" Shiki didn't wait for a response to continue. "Your lack of emotion. It's really annoying at points, right now especially."

"..."

"But what annoys me more is how much people trust you." Shiki took a pause to breathe in the cigarette he held and then continued. "I for one, don't trust anything about you. I'm suspicious of everything you do, but others would throw their lives in your hands, now wouldn't they?" Shizuo glared at Shiki, throwing his cigarette to the ground, and stomping it out. He knew, he already knew! The man hadn't even checked the car yet and this bastard already knew that Kasuka was lying. Shizuo turned his head to look back at the man that was going for the car. He reached towards his back and pulled out a gun as he hesitated in opening the door. Shizuo was ready to run over there and throw that man flying but the clicking of a gun stopped Shizuo dead in his tracks.

His mouth dropped slightly when he turned himself back around. He stared down at the gun that was aimed at him and then up at who was holding it. "Kasu...What the hell are you doing?"

"..." He didn't answer his brother but instead kept a firm stare on him.

Shiki smirked. "I wouldn't trust you with my life in a million years."

"Kasu, you didn't...You planned this?" Shizuo yelled.

Gunshots tore the majority of everyone's attention towards the car that was behind them. The door was open and the man looked to have gone inside. Another set went off inside the vehicle before everything went quiet again. The door on the opposite side of the car opened a moment later, but no one stood out of it.

"I-Izaya..." Shizuo mumbled. He took a step forward, only for a bullet to land right in front of his next step. He yanked his attention back towards Kasuka, staring in disbelief at him as his brother allowed the barrel of the gun to rotate, allowing a new bullet to load.

"Don't move." He stated.

"Kasuka...Why're you doing this...?" Shizuo questioned as he relaxed his body. His brother remained silent as he held the gun towards him.

Shiki laughed. "This is really a priceless moment. If you could see the expression on your face..."

Shizuo turned his attention toward the man in the white suit. Kasuka kept his eyes on his brother, gun ready to be fired at any moment. "There's something I've been wondering about for a while now..." Kasuka spoke. Shiki let his attention fall on the man, waiting for him to continue. "You chose Namie to do this job before me... I can't decide if you did it because she was close to Izaya, or if it was because she was the same as me..."

"Seems like acting isn't the only thing you're good at.." Shiki smirked. "That was merely coincidence though."

"So you took the fact that we were both in love with our brothers and used it to your advantage then..." Kasuka mumbled, glancing away from Shizuo.

"I just stated that was coincidence." Shiki repeated himself.

"You would've threatened me with it if I hadn't of agreed to this..." Kasuka stared forward again, his face lifeless. "You threatened her with that though, didn't you?"

"Your deducting skills are quite impressive." Shiki complimented. "Yes, we did threaten her with her brother, and after that she complied completely."

"Then why did she die?"

"It was part of an experiment with the doll. I had her do a few things to test it out, and unfortunately, one of those tests didn't work out too well, which resulted in her death."

"Did Izaya kill her?"

Shiki smirked. "You're asking quite a lot of questions now, aren't you?"

"Did he kill her?"

"Who else could have?" Shiki shrugged his shoulders. "It was quite a frightening sight if you ask me. Though I know that it was also a form of ritual that Izaya was doing that caused her death. "

"Ritual...?" Shizuo breathed.

"Yes, for the doll. He was calling for his spirit through her body."

"So...that was.." Shizuo thought back to the night he took Izaya away from his home. "That thing was what came from the ritual...The thing in his room..."

"Yes. And it was there because that's where the doll was. "

"I see..." Kasuka breathed, lowering his gun slightly. Shiki then focused his attention on the car to see if anyone had stepped out of it yet. So far, it didn't appear that way. Just as he was opening his mouth to speak, something sharp cut through part of his shoulder. He glanced over at his now ripped suit, and then behind him towards where the object landed. His face remained flat as he stared at the sharp object, turning back towards the direction it came from.

"Of course you're still alive..." Shiki breathed out, not looking pleased as he turned to see Izaya making his way towards the group from the shadows of the car ports, flickblade held up defenseively.

* * *

"Celty, things are looking bad..." Shinra breathed as he poked his head up from the side of the building they were on. "I'm getting worried...Shouldn't we do something now?"

_" Izaya said not to make a move until when we agreed to. "_

"But Celty, I really don't think that it'd be smart to stay here with all this going on... We already heard gunshots!"

_" I know! But..."_ Celty hesitated typing, looking at the scene below them and then finishing her sentence. _ " I trust him..."_

Shinra stared at the words and then nodded, though his face still displayed worry. He turned his attention back to the scene below them, wishing that he had better vision and could make out everything that was going on. They waited, looking all over the place for the signal to make a move. "...I feel bad for not filling Shizuo in on the whole plan..."

_" Yes...I do as well but...You and I both know..."_

"Yeah...He would've blown it for everyone if we told him, I suppose..."

_"Ah! Look! There's Izaya! That's our cue to get ready."_ Shinra nodded at her and the two left for her bike.

* * *

"Orihara Izaya...You look like a walking corpse." Shiki stated, looking the informant up and down. Izaya held out his flickblade as he eye'd the man, his face full of anything but humor. Shiki smiled at the face. "I'm quite surprised that you were able to somehow snake your way out of this one... You really are invincible, aren't you?"

"Don't make me laugh." Izaya spat. "I've been in fucking misery this past month because of you."

"So I've heard..." Shiki grinned.

"Why're you trying to kill me?"

"I was told to."

"Bullshit."

"You think I would lie about something like that?" Shiki responded.

"Who else would have the idea to use something like this doll to kill me? We all know when it comes down to it, you're the man to go to for creepy shit like this."

"Who said anything about the doll being part of the order?" Shiki snickered. "The doll was just something I found at the time and decided to use. To kill two birds with one stone you see? Kill you, and try this out at the same time."

"Who oredered you to kill me?" Izaya yelled.

"That isn't important."

"Why do they want to?"

"Why do you think?" Shiki snapped back. "You're too powerful, Izaya. You've got this entire city at your beck and call, and have control over all the information that runs through it. "

Izaya smirked. "And you think some other informant will be able to get you the same information like I have?"

"I can manage." Shiki looked away from Izaya and towards Kasuka."Finish your job." Kasuka looked at Shizuo for a moment, turning his gaze towards Shiki and then at Izaya. There was hint of a small smile on his lips just as the sound of a horse roared through the air. Seconds later, Celty landed her motorcycle in front of Izaya, Shinra on the back. The doctor quickly got off and placed himself beside Izaya, nodding at him as if they were meeting at a cafe.

Celty drew out her scythe, shadows enveloping the ground around all of the men. Shiki looked at the ground and then to his men, seeing half of them fleeing, while the remaining ones opened fire on the dullahan.

"Kasuka." Shiki stated firmly. "Shoot him now, or I'll have your head splattered all over the concrete." Kasuka stared at him, before looking at the gun in his hands and shaking his head.

"I've made other plans..." Kasuka mumbled, aiming the gun at him instead.

Not even a moment later, men were sprinting out of the way as one of the support beams were whisked into Shiki's direction. He moved out of the way, and then looked to the man that threw it, seeing an angry scowl on the bartender's face.

"Don't you _ever_ threaten my brother's life!" And with little to no effort, Shizuo tore another support beam from the cement and threw it towards his men again, Shiki running out of the way, while contemplating how to turn things back in his favor.

Kasuka's eyes widened just a little bit at his brother's words. He..didn't still hate him?

"Kasuka." The brunette's eyes were torn from the blond when Izaya called his name. Kasuka stared at him and then nodded, knowing what had to be done. He turned on his heel and went running towards the car they came from. Izaya watched him, and then turned to the two that were standing beside him. "Celty, I want you to watch over Shizuo... he might be strong, but we all know he'll still die if he gets shot in a vital spot...And make sure he doesn't rip out too many of those beams.. He'll kill us all that way..." Celty nodded and drove off to fight off the men alongside the blond. Shinra looked over to Izaya, and the two glanced back at Kasuka as the man was pulling open the driver's door. "We've got to get more answers about this doll..." Izaya mumbled. He looked back over towards where the men were, and tried to locate the white suit that he was so used to seeing. He hoped that brute hadn't already killed him, they'd all have to flee the country if that happened.

"Izaya, you have to get out of here, you know. We'll have to leave the rest up to all of us."

"No.." Izaya mumbled. "No, I'm gonna stay."

"Izaya! You're already injured enough! You'll die if you try to fight any of them."

"I won't be doing any fighting." Izaya said, examining the area. Shizuo was doing fine against all the men, but Izaya had taken in the fact that he had indeed been shot at some point in the fighting. Celty was doing a rather admirable job at keeping the blond from receiving anymore bullet holes, but she could only do so much against all these men. Shinra blinked, staring at the informant with a confused expression. The whole plan was for Shinra to lead Izaya away from all of this while the others had all of the men distracted.

"What is it you plan to do then?" Shinra asked, wishing they could at least get away from all of the fighting. The amount of gunshots being fired was getting rather over-whelming.

Izaya didn't respond to the specticale male, and instead grabbed his wrist and led them into the shadows. "Come on." He said as they disappeared from sight.

Kasuka pulled open the car door, and blinked to the blood that was running down his drivers face. There was a bullet hole that had gone straight through his forehead and had even shattered part of the front window. He let the death go and then climbed over his body, looking around in the glove box for the doll that he was supposed to be getting. Kasuka took the gun he had in his hand and slipped it through the back of his belt loop, and then continued rummaging through the front compenents of the car. He was sure Izaya told him this was were he had put it. His body froze when he felt metal press against the back of his skull. "Is this what you're looking for...?" A voice choked out.

Kasuka blinked, turning his head and seeing the man that had first come in here to check on Izaya. There were two bullet holes visible on the man, one on his arm and the other on his stomach. In his free hand was the doll that Kasuka had been looking for. Kasuka eyed him as he began reaching his hand back towards the gun on his belt, but the man pushed the gun harder against his skull. "Don't even think about it."

Kasuka pulled his hand back and took a glance back at the main scene. Izaya and Shinra weren't anywhere to be found, Celty had taken care of a few men with her shadows, and Shizuo had a nice amount uncoinscious, but there were still a lot fo men that were running around, and things didn't look to be in their favor. He turned to the man. "Have you ever killed someone before...?"

"That questions irrelevant." The man stated as he returned the doll to his pocket, clamping his hand over his wound.

"You couldn't kill me, even if you had it in you to.."

"A-are you provoking me!" The man spat, his grip tightening around the gun. Kasuka looked unphased.

"You know who I am. You know what would happen if I died, and you know that regardless of what happens inside this vehicle, your life's over." Kasuka lightly brushed the gun away from his skull, the man slamming it back into him when he did so.

"S-shut up!" He turned his head to the side to cough and then continued. "I don't have to kill you to shoot you, you know!" He stared at the unimpressed brunette, growing angry as his face showed no sign of fear-or any emotion for that matter. "Start driving! Head towards the far exit over there."

Kasuka let his eyes stay on the man, his body not moving in the other man's line of vision. His fingers however were digging in the dead drivers jacket, retreiving the man's small pistol that was safely tucked away in his inner pocket. Kasuka slowly began pulling the gun out, the man in front of him yelling the command to him again. "Drive or I'll shoot you!"

"Did you shoot yourself in here, or was it Orihara?"

"That doesn't matter, just drive!"

"So it was Orihara then?" Kasuka used his free hand to quickly grip onto the wrist that was holding the gun in his direction, and in one swift movement, bent his arm downward, the gun pointed away from them. The actor held the gun to the man's head, clicking the hammer to allow the gun to be properly loaded. "I don't understand why he was letting you live." And with the press of a trigger, the man was dead. Kasuka flinched slightly when the blood from the man flicked against his face.

He wiped it off with his sleeve, and then pushed the man backwards, his body hitting the back seat. Kasuka climbed half way into the back and pulled the doll out of the man's pocket. He returned to the front of the car, leaned down to the side of the driver's seat and snapped the seat backwards, rolling the driver's body back with the Yakuza man.

He then plopped himself down in the driver's seat, returning the back support upward and looking down at the doll in his hand. He looked over the familiar texture and then stared forward, turning the key that was in the ignition and cautiously drove the car to the exit that the men would most likley use to leave. He parked across the exit, blocking it off for the others to go down, and then pulled open the door, stepping out with a gun in his hand, and another in his back belt loop.

He tucked the doll into his pocket and looked once again at the status of his brother. Invincible as always it seemed. His dark eyes went searching through the men, trying hard to find Shiki in the mess. It shouldn't have been that hard with his suit and everything, but it was likely he might've already escaped the place. Kasuka began walking towards the main scene, his eyes shifting over the place. He was going to make his way over there, but the neigh of a horse brought his attention forward, Celty skidding her bike to a stop in front of him. He hadn't even seen her leave her fighting.

"_ We have to stop this now! Too many people are getting hurt and Shizuo's bleeding badly!"_

Kasuka blinked, looking back towards his brother, hearing the strain in his voice as he sent men flying. He examined him from where he stood and tightened his jaw to the numerous injuries visible to him. Celty jabbed his shoulder slightly, bringing the actor's attention back to her new message. _" Did Shinra leave with Izaya? "_

"No."

" _What? Where are they! Shinra was supposed to take him-"_ Kasuka put his hands on the device and then pulled his gun upward, sending a bullet past her and into some mans hand as they were steadying their gun.

"Izaya didn't plan to leave at all. If he's not here, he's on the roof." Kasuka explained. "Take Shizuo up there with you. I'll slip up there once you get him to go."

Celty merely remained still, her thumbs hovering over the keypad before nodding her head and slipping it down her sleeve. She turned and drove straight for Shizuo, fighting off some men with her shadows as she tried to calm the raging brute just enough to get him on her bike.

Kasuka waited as the two eventually made off, Shizuo glancing around for anyone before letting his fingers slip over one of the bullet wounds he received. The brunette quietly slipped off the level they were on as men went chasing after them up to the roof, guns firing and screams echoing throughout the place.

* * *

**A/N:** Hello all. I apologize for how long it took to get this piece up. I realize now that I really hate writing out this whole Yakuza part..but, I was without a computer for a bit, so I couldn't write in this :I

Anyways, I don't care about how bad Shiki is in this because I gave up after a while for trying to keep him in character. Chapter 19...God, I never expected it to be this long... Well, next chapter should finish up the Yakuza business, then the long long putting everything together and then the end and the Epilouge. We're so close to it being over D:

I posted a poll on my page so you lovely readers should vote on that if you ever plan to read from me again x3 To the people reading **Treatment, **an update should be happening shortly, but is there anyone who would like to beta that..?

/end long author rant.

_Replies to Reviews:_

_animeg: Aw, thank you. That's... Really sweet, and I'm sorry for the hole D: Sorry for not updating it as fast as you'd like xD_

_Remi: Domestic Izaya...Hmmm... Possibly P:_

_Midnight Reader: And that is exactly why I didn't write it there :D Can't have Izaya dying from loss of blood during sex xD_

_Morbidmortality: You'll get it ;A; You will! You will! _

Thank you all again. The amount of people I have reading a story that contains little fluff and no smut 19 chapters in really makes me feel good x3 I love you all ;A;


	21. Chapter 20

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary: **Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

"You don't actually think you've won here, do you?" Shiki chuckled, staring ahead at the group that had finally cornered him on the rooftop of the building they were in. Kasuka had successfully blocked off the ignorant lackeys of the Yakuza man, separating Shiki from his protection. It took some time, and some obvious wounds, but they were going to make sure that by the end of the night, there would be an end to something.

Izaya locked his eyes onto Shiki, hesitating before answering. "I wouldn't say that we've won anything...I do know that you have definitely lost here tonight." He stuffed his hand in his pocket and then kicked his foot out a bit. "What do you think you can by yourself, against us?" He raised a hand, fanning it towards the people that stood behind him. Shiki followed Izaya's hand with his eyes, meeting the orbs of the four that stood behind the thin man. He was at a loss for words as well as a loss for what to do. He kept a stern face, regardless. "I want answers." Izaya said firmly. "You lost Shiki, face it. If you want to leave unharmed, then tell me everything you know about this damn doll."

Shiki let out a low chuckle. "Well then, where should I start...?"

"You can start by telling me what it does to the people that are holding it. Why were both Kasuka and Namie so intent on killing me? The reason's that I've been given don't add up with their own logic, skills and emotion, as well as just making sense in general."

"What makes you think the doll has any control over that? It's like with any human being. Once they get a taste of some power, they thirst for more."

"That's insulting to my intelligence level, Shiki. If that were the case, then why is Kasuka not attempting to kill me right now? Why would someone as smart as Kasuka possibly think that killing me would result in the end of his one-sided feelings with Shizuo?" Izaya emphasized the questions, drawing them out as to let them sink in with the older man. Kasuka's eyes widened slightly as he listened to Izaya defend him. "Shizuo doesn't truly wish to hurt anyone, let alone kill someone. Both I and Kasuka know this, so why would he even think that my death would cause Shizuo to fall in love with him? Kasuka's both smarter and more rational than that, so why did he do everything he did?" Izaya slipped his hands into his pocket, continuing on with his insight. "Also, While I wouldn't put it past Namie to want to try and kill me, there is absolutely no benefit for her if I were to be killed. If anything, it would just cause problems for her, seeing as how she would've been out of a job, out of money, and out of easy information on what her brother's spending his days doing. I actually can't think of anything that would benefit her from my death. So, what would prompt her to want to kill me so irrationally?"

Shiki remained quite, but his face softened, showing that he knew there was no getting around Izaya's intelligence level. No matter what lie it was he told the informant, all he would do would spew question after question, while reminding him of the ones that stood beside him. "...The doll's a curse, y'know." Shiki started, pulling a cigarette from the inside of his jacket and placing it in between his lips as he retrieved his zippo lighter. With a flick, he lit his cigarette and took in a deep breath. "As I'm sure you've noticed, it has a way of playing with the emotions of who it's encountered with. You see, the doll's supposed to benefit the person it's marked with, which would be you. Your benefit would be the love of Shizuo. In order for you to obtain your happiness in that, another pairing has to have the opposite effect." Shiki Let a puff of smoke out and then continued. "We originally went after Namie because of the mere fact that she basically lived with you, and it was easy to monitor her actions. After she took hold of the doll, we noticed the changes in her behaviour and investigated the doll a bit more to find this out. The more you fell in love with Shizuo, the more she began to hate you. Granted, it wasn't much at the time, but you killed her before we were able to tell how deep it would go. Because she was killed, we needed someone else to take the place of the doll holder, problem being, it was supposed to be the person she was in love with. We couldn't touch her brother with the amount of security that she put on the kid, and instead thought we could maybe trick the doll by getting someone who was in a similar situation. Not to mention, it would make cleaning this whole mess up a lot easier if we were to use Kasuka instead of Seiji. What kind of director would want news of their lead actor committing a murder? Keeping that in mind, we contacted him, and tried it out. Seemed to have worked just fine after he held the doll for a week or two." Shiki shrugged his shoulders as he pulled the burning stick of cancer from his lips and held it between his fingers. "That answer your first question?"

Izaya took a glance at Kasuka, Shizuo, Shinra, and Celty, before turning back to Shiki and nodding at him. "..Kasuka stated before that if he were to kill me by using that doll, he'd 'lose Shizuo forever'..." Shizuo scrunched his eyebrows together hearing this, turning his head slightly to examine his brother. "What did he mean by that...?"

Shiki did a glance over of Kasuka and then brought his eyes back onto Izaya. "Obviously, we're not positive on it, but we were assuming that by killing you with the doll, it would pass the curse onto Shizuo, since the two of you were never able to complete your part of the ritual... We assumed that if that happened, Shizuo would forever be marked with that curse since his partner would have already died and there's no one to take over your spot." He then shrugged and took a breath from his cigarette, returning it to his side once again afterwards. "Whether or not that's what Kasuka meant, you'd have to ask him yourself."

Izaya remained quiet for a moment, not paying the actor any attention. "He also told me that there were only two ways to get rid of this mark. Is that correct?"

"Two that we know of, yes."

"I see." Izaya then thought over everything, and glanced back at Shinra. "Anything I'm forgetting to ask?"

Shinra nodded and then turned his attention towards Shiki. "I'm pretty sure I understand just about everything there is to this whole doll thing and what it's done to Izaya. What I don't get is how it had any affect on Shizuo when he had no connection to the doll whatsoever. Are we supposed to assume that his involvement was some spiritual connection made by that doll...?"

"That's exactly what it was. I can only guess and say that the reason Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo were connected was because of their intense emotions for each other. Izaya never felt any type of emotion towards anyone as strongly as Shizuo, and Shizuo never hated anyone as strongly as he did Izaya." Shiki paused a minute to let out a small laugh. "The fact that the two are trying to say they love each other just seems like a bad joke."

Shizuo's face immediately flushed, as he turned his head off to the side and mumbled some slur of insults about the yakuza man as Izaya did his best to hide the blush that surfaced on his face. Kasuka glanced over at the two and then held the doll up slightly for him to look at. His face didn't show much of anything, but anyone could tell there was a slight hint of jealousy there. He stared at the details of the doll for a moment longer and then brought his focus back up to the Yakuza man. During these past few hours, he'd come to the conclusion that he never really hated Izaya as much as he thought he did, or as much as the doll made him feel. He was really just envious of the amount of attention the man was able to take from his brother. What he also realized was that he hated this doll, and he was pretty sure he hated the man that brought it to him as well. Kasuka wished that out of everyone he had come to harm, it could've been him instead. "You see..." Shiki started again, reaching towards his back pocket to obtain something. "I can give you as much information as you'd like about that doll, but in the end..." In a flash, Shiki had pulled a gun out and without hesitation fired it at Kasuka's hand. "We need it." He finished as the bullet went whirling into the hand that was holding the doll. Kasuka released it the instant the bullet made contact with his skin, holding back a loud yelp of pain in the process. He winced, clutching his bleeding hand. "Ah..." He breathed out.

Shizuo was ready to murder the man but both Izaya and Celty lunged to stop him. "Shizuo, don't!" Izaya called, jumping in front of him. Shizuo hesitated a moment before spitting off to the side and holding himself back as best he could. Celty wrapped her shadows around the doll that was now stained with Kasuka's blood and carefully held it out towards the Yakuza man. Shiki aimed his gun from person to person, on guard as he directed one of the few men that were with him to retrieve the doll from the dullahan. After said deed was done, he once again met Izaya's gaze. "It's a shame things couldn't have gone more smoothly... I still have my orders to kill you, Orihara."

"I know you do." Izaya breathed.

"I never thought I'd see the day we became enemies." Shiki added, walking back with his gun held up at them still.

"I could say the same thing."

Without another word, Shiki fled the building along with all of his men, the sound of screeching cars echoing through the lot as the amount of men all pulled out. Izaya's mind wandered off, dipping into things that he would've rather not thought about at the moment until a light weight on his shoulder pulled him from such thoughts. "Hm?" He hummed, turning to Celty.

_ You're really something else, you know._

"Ah, why thank you Celty-san, but I'd watch what you say, unless you want a certain doctor to get suspicious!" Izaya chuckled when Celty's shoulders dropped.

_ Cracking jokes at a time like this... Are you alright?_

"I'm fine. You seem invincible as always." Celty didn't have much of a reaction to that and went on typing.

_ How long do you think it'll take for them to figure out that dolls fake...?_

"Who knows. It won't matter though as long as you've still got the one Shizu-chan gave you the other day..." Izaya looked down at his wrist, noticing that the bruise hadn't changed at all from the last time he looked at it. That was one good sign. He turned back to Celty, and then looked past her to see Shinra taking care of the bullet wound Kasuka received. Shizuo was pacing back and fourth with a cigarette burning at his lips, most likely mumbling cuss word, after cuss word about the whole ordeal. Shinra hadn't even gotten to check Shizuo's wounds yet, and he, of course, looked completely unaffected by any of the bullets he had been dealt. Izaya couldn't help but smile at the scene. He let out a deep breath and then made his way towards the three men, Celty following behind him.

"I'm really surprised the bullet didn't hit any bones.. It just barely caught the skin between your thumb and index finger too.. I just need to stitch this up and you should be all set." Shinra rambled, after carefully removing the bullet that was lodged in Kasuka's hand.

"...Ngh..Thanks." Kasuka winced as the brunette poured a numbing liquid on the surface of the wound and then retrieved his thread and needle afterwards. Kasuka clamped his jaw down when Shinra began to stitch him up, doing his best to keep from tensing up. Shinra finished, tying the loose ends together and then after checking it over, made to help Shizuo and his wounds. The young actor looked up, catching the informant's eyes. Izaya stared at him for a moment and then figured now would be the best time to say anything.

"You know..." Izaya started, stuffing his hands into his jacket's pockets. "I was perfectly content with the relationship Shizu-chan and I had before... I hope you know I had no intention of things coming out like this." He let out a sigh, continuing. "I suppose it's understandable if you still hate me and everything, but at least realize that I'm not out to hurt your brother anymore... If it really bothers you so much, I could always-"

"Since when did you pity anyone...?" Kasuka interrupted, his eyes focused on nothing in particular. Izaya stared at him for a moment before letting out a laugh.

"Ah, what's that supposed to mean, Kasuka? Do you think I'm that mean?" The actor didn't answer his question, his flat eyes looking up at his brother.

"If brother's happy, than I have no choice but to be happy for him..." Kasuka told him. "Do what ever you like, but don't ever hurt him."

"Coming from the man that nearly stabbed me to death, I suppose it'd be good on my part to follow those guidelines of yours, hm?" Izaya chuckled, though he noticed Kasuka didn't find it funny at all. Then again, what did the man find funny?

The informant let a smile settle on his lips as he thought over everything that had happened that night. It was all so close to being over. Everything was so close to coming to an end. It was almost hard for him to believe, thinking on all of it. Izaya felt like at some points, he was cursed to spend the rest of his life in that horrible pain, but, he'd made sure that he wouldn't be experiencing it any longer. Well, unless Celty had some kind of hidden grudge against him and decided to let that doll's power over come her.

That was highly unlikely though.

One thing that was Izaya wished he could've understood more were those Delic and Psyche characters. He wasn't sure if that was real, or if his mind had completely made that up in some kind of dream of some sort. Letting out a sigh, Izaya pushed the thought into the back of his mind.

Izaya felt a presence next to him, and both Kasuka and him turned to see Shizuo, his arm bandaged up, and body cleaned up. He crossed his arms and peered down at his younger brother. "What in the _hell_ were you doing _shooting_ at me!"

It was silent for a moment before the actor shared a glance with the informant, and then over to the doctor as well. He looked back to his brother, and before he could say anything, a small giggle escaped Izaya's lips before it erupted into a full on hearty laugh. Shizuo's brow twitched as he let his hands unfold. He watched, confused as Izaya doubled over in laughter. Izaya grabbed his stomach, his laughs cutting off as he realized just how painful it was with his stab wounds and all. "Ahahah! AHAH-Owww! Haaaaa! Ahahah!"

"What the fuck is so funny?" Shizuo yelled, noticing that Shinra was chuckling a bit, Kasuka had a small smile on his lips and Celty's shoulders were moving in the motion that he assumed meant she was laughing as well. After waiting a long moment for a response, or for Izaya to stop laughing, Shizuo just threw his arms up in the air. "You guys are all insane."

The informant wiped tears from his eyes, calming down enough to actually breathe. "Ooooohh, Shizu-chan, that was too funny...!"

"What was so funny about that!" Shizuo yelled, confused.

"You didn't figure it out, brother...?"

"Ahh, Shizuo, that whole thing was an act, to trick Shiki and his men about what side Kasuka was on. It bought us quite a bit of time actually..."

"An...act...?" Shizuo mumbled. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "And I didn't know about this because...?"

"It was a mutual agreement by all of us to keep you out of the loop." Izaya explained. "You're about as secretive as you are calm..."

"..Psch, could've at least told me you guys had something in mind..." Shizuo scoffed.

"Oh please," Izaya rolled his eyes, stepping closer to him. "You were already stressed enough about Kasuka, and myself, if we would've said that, who knows what you would've done."

"I'm still gonna kill that bastard for shooting him." Shizuo spat out.

Kasuka looked off to the side, while Shinra rolled his eyes. "Ahhh, yeah, yeah, Why don't we all just get going home now before Shiki-san sends men out here to follow us and slaughter us all?"

Celty nodded and Izaya smirked, looping his arm around Shizuo's and then pulling on it. "Sounds like a plan." He stated, Shizuo rolling his eyes.

"That's my wound you're tugging on, Flea."

"Ah, oops."

* * *

**A/N:** -hides- Don't kill me ;A; I know it's really late, and I know it's really short compared to my other chapters, but LISTEN. Work has seriously been taking it's toll on me .w.

Anyways, so **I kinda need you to read this part here** because it determines what the Epilogue for this story will be. Sooo, here's the two options, because I have both in mind, and whatever isn't picked will most likely be turned into a short.

Izaya "learning to swim"

Ooor Homophobic Neighbors.

Yeah, I know, not much to go off of, but I don't want to give the whole thing away. So, Pick one! Pick one and let me know!

And, jsyk, smut **will** be in the next chapter. (It's why this one's so short D:)

-edit- Totally forgot to reply to reviews...xD

_CgB_- _Huh, you're the only one who wasn't logged in that reviewed this time x'D Anyways, It can't go on forever because I don't want to write it forever :T I honestly would've quit on this story a really long time ago, if it didn't get as big as it has xD Well anyways, I love you too ;A; So much, ya don't even know. _

And again, thank you everyone x3 I love all the feedback, and I'm actually over 200 reviews...I can't really believe it... I really appreciate it, and love you all.

again, sorry for the late update.


	22. Final Chapter

**Characters:** Shizuo x Izaya

**Rating:** M

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Durarara or any of it's characters.

**Full Summary:** Shizuo and Izaya are both experiencing depression, both trying to cope with it without letting any one else know, more specifically, each other. Whilst dealing with said emotion, Izaya receives an odd bruise on his wrist that begins to pull at his mental state of mind, causing his friends to worry in their attempt to bring him back to his normal self.

* * *

Izaya's eyes gazed blankly out at the night sky. There was a slight chill in the air, the wind wipping passed him and sending his clothes fummbling about his body, and his hair across his face. In his eyes showed the reflection of the night, and all of the cities lights. It was a beautiful sight to look out at, the air refreshing and relaxing.

Izaya let out a sigh as he tore his eyes away from the image and looked down at his wrist. There wasn't a single ounce of pain flowing through it at all, and the bruise seemed to almost look like a typical one. While the sight would be relaxing and carefree to anyone else, Izaya was far from relaxed. He had many things on his mind and many things that needed to be taken care of. He put a hand on his stomach, a slight pain shooting through him from his wounds. Taking one more glance out at the night sky, Izaya turned and began to make his way inside.

* * *

Shizuo let out a puff of smoke as he gazed out at the city before him. He pulled the cigarette away from his lips, tearing his gaze away from the few people passing by. It was so calm and cool outside. There was hardly anyone out, even where he was. Shizuo's mind was filled with a lot of thoughts, most of them about the flea. He loved him, he knew that much, but at the same time, he felt it wasn't how it should be.

It seemed so weird. Almost three months ago now, Shizuo would've been throwing anything he had at the man in an attempt to kill him, but now, he'd give everything he had to make sure Izaya's life would be secured.

Things would be okay for the time being, but who knew how long that would last. This seemed like the calm before the storm to him. They had just survived one, and now were being faced with another danger it seemed.

The blond man threw his cigarette to the ground, spun on his heel and stepped into the bar standing behind him. He quicky found the man he was seeking, and with two little words, Shizuo left that place forever.

He didn't think it would matter much if he was working or not, but if any members from the Yakuza were looking for him, he didn't want his boss or any of the other people that work there to get involved.

When Shizuo stepped outside again and was reunited with the night air, he spared a moment to look up at the night sky and allowed his mind to be clouded with questions that he knew he wouldn't be able to find an answer to.

For example, what happened to Delic and Pysche? And, where ever they were, were they happy? Shizuo felt a smile pull at his lips as he thought about Izaya. He wondered, were Pysche and Delic as happy as him and Izaya were? He knew he'd never receive an answer to that, but there was something inside of him that told Shizuo that they just had to be.

* * *

_**Two Months Later**_

* * *

"Ah, lookit how ugly that looks..." Izaya breathed out as he stared at himself in the mirror.

"Ugly?" Shizuo chuckled, walking up behind him. "That's what you're concerned about?"

Izaya rolled his eyes as he took his finger and ran it up along the marks that were left on his stomach. The scars left from the stab wounds looked hideous to him. "What else is there to be conerned about? I don't have to worry about splitting them open anymore."

"Thankfully." Shizuo replied. He placed himself behind Izaya directly, taking his hand and running it from his shoulder, down to Izaya's hand and bringing it up towards him. Izaya turned his body to allow Shizuo to bring his hand closer towards him for examination. He looked as if he were about to kneel down and kiss it, as if Izaya were some kind of prince.

"It doesn't hurt or anything..." Izaya stated, reading the look on Shizuo's face as one of worry.

"I wish it would just go away..." Shizuo mumbled, running his thumb over the bruise that still occupied Izaya's wrist. "I mean... Your stab wounds healed faster than this thing..."

"I don't think that's going to heal until...you know.." Izaya trailed off, a blush surfacing on his face. Shizuo did his best to ignore it and let out a sigh.

"It's not gonna start up again, is it...?"

"No, not as long as I keep possesion of the doll..."

"Hn..."

Izaya smiled as he pulled his hand away from Shizuo, bringing the blond's attention forward. The raven haired man took his arms and slid them around Shizuo's neck, bringing their faces closer together. He brushed his nose against Shizuo's and then sighed. "I want to tell you stop worrying so much, but I can't help but love the faces you make when you do..."

Shizuo looked off to the side. "That's not a compliment, y'know."

"Is it really an insult, though?"

"..." Shizuo looked back at Izaya, their eyes locking before the blond instinctivly brough his hand up to brush part of Izaya's bangs out of his face. Afterwards, Izaya smiled and, stepping on his toes to reach, gave Shizuo a peck on the lips.

Shizuo's lips spread across his face as their eyes met once again, Izaya letting his arms slide off of Shizuo. "You know..." Izaya started, stepping away from the other. "After all this stuff that's happened, there's this one thing that's been bothering me for a while now..."

"Oh..? What's that?"

"Why did you even bring me to your house that night you found me drunk? Can't you get in trouble for that?"

Shizuo chuckled. "I just didn't feel like taking you all the way back to yours."

"It would be something simple like that..." Izaya stated, rolling his eyes.

"Now, why were you even there in the first place...?" Shizuo asked, stepping backwards and plopping himself down on his bed-or, their bed, as of recently.

Izaya made a face before walking over towards the bed and sitting down next to the blond. "Well...Like I told you a while back, I was feeling pretty upset.."

"Over what...?"

"..." Izaya sighed and then continued. "I was actually sleeping with someone up until that day, and it took me until then to realize how desperate I was being for some kind of affection, and instead of really accepting that, I tried to drink it off..."

Shizuo blinked, his heart turning a bit, but he didn't allow that feeling to cause him to act irrationally. Instead, he pushed it aside and asked something else. "But...I thought you said that...You were a...you know.."

"A virgin...? When did I say that?" Izaya asked, tilting his head to the side.

"A long time ago.. When we went out to buy stuff.. it was that day you borrowed some of Kasuka's clothes.."

"Oooh, right..." Izaya let out a laugh. "Ah, I remember.. You asked if I had ever banged someone, not if I was a virgin."

"What? It's the same thing..."

"It most certaintly is _not_ the same thing. I've never "banged" anyone, but I have slept with people, men obviously. "

Shizuo thought a moment on it. "So.. You're saying you-" It finally clicked in his head and his face went red. "Ooh.. Trust you to complicate something like that.." He spat looking to the side.

"Heh." Izaya chuckled. "You just make it so _easy_ to though, dear."

Shizuo rolled his eyes. "What ever you say..." He sighed. Izaya smirked and then leaned in closer to Shizuo, letting their noses barely brush against one anothers. They locked eyes, Izaya's burning with a passion that made Shizuo's nerves jump about. A blush formed across Shizuo's face as he held the other's gaze.

Izaya opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but no words came out. He felt his heart pounding against his rib cage, a slight thrill running through him as he tried to take that last step forward and put this curse to rest forever. Izaya took in a deep breath before he finally voiced his thoughts. "We should finish this..." He huffed out.

Shizuo let his eyes search Izaya's for a moment before he finally responded. "...I was thinking the same thing." Izaya smiled before leaning in closer and closing their lips together. The blond's hand naturally clutched onto Izaya's head, gripping his hair slightly as he brought them closer to each other. Their lips bounced off one anothers, tongues flickering into the mix as well. Izaya slipped his tongue passed Shizuo's lips and entangled it with the blonds. They spent some time kissing, Shizuo pushing Izaya backwards on the bed, resting him on his back. The duo parted lips for a moment, staring at each other as if to get the last confirmation to go through with this.

Shizuo glanced over the body underneath him and decided not to wait any longer. He dove downward and placed his lips directly against the nape of the smaller man's neck. Izaya's lips spread out into a huge smile as he squirmed about a little, trying to take in the feeling Shizuo was sending through him with every lick he gave him. Izaya's fingers raked through Shizuo's hair, the blond using his hands to peel the jacket off of Izaya. He tossed the clothing aside, not taking his mouth off of Izaya's skin until he felt fingers slip around his collar, pulling the buttons loose. Shizuo pulled forward, giving Izaya easier access to unbutton the clothing. Once his vest and shirt were tossed aside, the rest of the clothing came off in a matter of minutes. Izaya's shirt met Shizuo's on the floor, their pants being thrown off next, and then their boxers, thrown to opposite sides of the room.

Shizuo's eyes stared intently at the body underneath him, taking in all the small details about the man. He definitely had a girly figure, but his curves were more defined and toned like a males. His hip bones popped out while he lay flat on his back, his skin soft and delicate looking, completely opposite of the man he was. Shizuo had never seen anyone completely naked in front of him before, and he was certain he would never see anyone as beautiful either. His cheeks burned from the heat that was running through his entire body, but he wasn't really embarassed at all. He was comfortable with this. This felt natural, and right. His lips curved into a smile as Izaya brought his hands up and around his neck, pulling Shizuo down towards him for another passionate kiss.

This definitely felt right.

Their movements didn't even seem to take thought, it seemed more like some kind of dance, where their body just moved on its own from how well it knew the moves. Shizuo kissed all along Izaya's body, his lips touching anywhere and everywhere he could reach. Izaya's hands were all over the blond, feeling every crook and curve of him as his heart pounded wildly in it's ribcage. This was something Izaya had never experienced before, this feeling that pulsed through him so hard and fast, was something he never felt before and it was amazing.

Izaya's eyes trailed downward as he watched Shizuo position himself outside of his entrance after he had properly prepared himself. His cheeks flared up as he held his breath when the blond slowly penetrated him. Shizuo's body tensed up as he plunged himself deeper, his nerves bouncing around inside of him wildly as he used everything he could to allow time for Izaya to adjust to him.

Izaya let out a breath as his muscles began to relax. "Shizuo..." He huffed out as he let his hands travel up into the blond locks above him, gripping it as Shizuo finally pulled back and then gave Izaya a testing thrust. His fingers gripped onto his hair tighter, his teeth catching his lips as he bit down on them, closing his eyes.

This feeling...

Another thrust from the blond, and another, and then a rhythm of them following suit sent Izaya's whole body on edge, his veins tickling with pleasure as Shizuo delivered it. His face was on fire, his spine tingling as he arched his back upward to angle Shizuo's thrusts to his liking. Izaya parted his lips and let out a deep huff of air, trying to regain and loose himself in the feeling flooding him at the same time. "Ooh, Shizuo..." He moaned, turning his head to the side as his fingers raked through the blond's hair.

This feeling was so much better than he could've ever believed.

"Shizuuooo!" Izaya huffed out, his arms wrapping around Shizuo's neck, and pulling their bodies closer together. "Aahhh!" He moaned as the blond deepened his thrusts.

Shizuo's breathing hitched as he closed his eyes, his lips meeting Izaya's skin for the hundredth time that night, giving the raven haired man kisses all over his chest. Shizuo's hands felt along Izaya's curves before resting them underneath his upper back and holding him up as Izaya arched himself backwards, pushing himself further onto Shizuo and causing the pleasure between them to jolt their nerve system more than it had already.

Shizuo let out heavy breaths all along Izaya's neck, planting kisses inbetween his intakes of air. His hips rode against the man underneath him, his nerves going into a frenzy as he felt himself close to his climax.

Izaya's fingers were gripping onto the blond, releasing their grip and then clutching onto him again as he began to move with Shizuo, feeling himself close. He let out a long string of moans as Shizuo hit him in all of the right places, his heart pounding uncontrollably against his chest, his blood flowing through him and delivering large shocking and pleasurable hits to his nerves. He wasn't going to last much longer and he knew that. Izaya's breatheing came out rapidly as he called his lover's name. "Shizuo! Shizuooo! Shizuuu-Ahhh!" In the heat of his climax, Izaya crashed his lips into Shizuo's, pressing his body into the other's as close as he could as he spilled over. His grip tightened around the blond,a nd his toes curled as Shizuo filled Izaya with his seed, his thrusts all over the place as he rode out his climax.

"Ahh.." Shizuo breathed, his eyes closing as he finished. He gave a few more thrusts before completely collapsing onto Izaya.

The two laid there for a long moment, enjoying the afterglow and regaining their breath and proper heart rate. Izaya's let out small puffs of air, his hair messy and face flustered as his fingers instinctively started to play with Shizuo's hair. He blinked as his breatheing began to settle and then brought his arm up to look at his wrist.

He watched bewildered as the bruise began to dissappear entirely off of his wrist. A pair of lips against his cheek, and the brush of a thumb on his wrist pulled Izaya's eyes away from his skin, and down to the blond lying ontop of him. Their eyes locked, Shizuo kissing Izaya once more and then pulling away just far enough to whisper to him.

"I love you..." He breathed, lacing their hands together.

Izaya's voice was caught in his throat, as the words penetrated him with such a strong force, he was sure he would've fallen over had he been standing. Never before did something that seemed so little mean so much to him. Three words that never meant anything to him in the past, now meant the world to him, and he'd be damned if he ever let anyone take that away from him.

The words were so much for him, the feeling flowing through him sending his emotions over the edge, and filling his eyes with tears. His lips quivered a bit as he smiled, leaning down and planting a soft kiss on Shizuo's forehead, closing his eyes and letting the tears flow over. "I love you.." He repeated back to him.

This man, this one man that used to be Izaya's monster only so long ago was now the only thing in Izaya's world that seemed worth everything for. It was worth suffering through those months of pain, it was worth loosing his mind those couple of times, it was worth risking his life against the Yakuza for, it was worth pushing himself against Kasuka instead of giving up. It was worth every single second of his misery, it was worth all of it if it meant being with this man.

Izaya opened his eyes as he felt a thumb wipe away the tears he was crying.

It was worth everything to him, and it hurt him so much to know he had to let it go so soon. His eyes filled with more tears, blurring his sight as he stared at his lover.

He didn't want to let him go, he didn't want to leave his side ever, but it seemed he had no choice.

Leaving was the last thing he wanted to do, and it hurt so much more knowing that Shizuo had no idea what the pale man had in mind. Izaya sucked in some air, regaining himself, and nuzzling his head against Shizuo's as he made an attempt to get rest. "I love you so much..." He breathed as the two slowly drifted into their slumber.

* * *

Izaya ran his finger over his phone as he stared blankly at the time. 4:15 am. He let out a sigh as his whole body felt numb. His eyes looked back at the door he was standing in front of, staring blankly at Shizuo's front door. It took everything he had to not storm passed that door and straight into their bedroom, and throw himself at the blond. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't do it.

His heart twisted in pain as he plunged his hand into his pocket and pulled out the ticket he had purchased over a week ago. The date read for a flight at 5:30am to a place that Izaya knew no one would ever find him at.

He owned the majority of the island so of course no one would know of it.

It was a plan that Izaya had set up years ago for himself if he ever got into a situation where his existance would have to vanish. What he didn't like was that it had to be used now.

Only a few months after their encounter with the Yakuza and Izaya had already received threats from the memebers, as well as spotting some occassionally when he went out. There was no way he could continue to live here without being murdered at some point, even if he was living with Shizuo.

Izaya imagined how he used to think the hardest thing he would ever have to leave when this time came would be the city and the people that engulfed it. He never would've thought that the hardest part about this entire situation would be leaving the blond that used to chase him day in and day out.

He closed his eyes, felling his throat burn. "I tell him I love him and then up and leave..." He sighed, his lips shaking as he returned the ticket back to his pocket. "I'm so pathetic..."

"I'll say."

Izaya jumped to the voice, spinning around as his eyes met a pair of dark brown ones. His heart jumped a bit as he realized he had been caught just before his escape. "Kasuka...Why on earth are you up right now? And going somewhere?" He added after noticing the bags he was carrying.

"An Actor can't leave during the day...Too many fans are out." He replied. "I should be asking you that though.."

Izaya sighed, looking down. He didn't really know what to say.

"I thought I told you not to hurt brother."

"...I know." Izaya breathed. "But.. I don't have a choice, Kasuka... What am I supposed to do? Stay here and put his and everyone else's life in danger while there's gangs of men that're coming after my head?" He let his eyes trail down as he mumbled. "...He'll forget about this whole thing in a year or two anyways..."

"No he won't." Kasuka responded, setting his bag down and stepping closer to Izaya. He reached for Izaya's hand and gripped it, pulling it up and placing it over Izaya's chest. The raven's eyebrows rose up at the gesture. "How can you forget that feeling?" He stated. Izaya felt the pulsing of his heart as Kasuka held his hand there, knowing that he'd never forget it himself. Kasuka released his hand and then reached for his bag again. "Brother's never been this happy before... It makes me happy." Kasuka smiled as he continued. "He doesn't hate himself for who he is anymore, and it's incredible..."

Izaya was quiet for a moment before finally speaking. "...What am I suppposed to do though...? I can't stay here..." Izaya fel tlike crying as he mumbled afterwards. "...but I don't want to leave him either..."

"Who said you had to leave him?" Kasuka smirked as he took a step forward, walking towards his car that was parked in the apartment parking lot. "You don't have to take just his memory with you, you know."

Izaya's eyes widened as he realized just what Kasuka was suggesting. Before he had the time to think of anything to say, Kasuka waved back at him with a true smile on his lips. "Goodbye, Izaya."

Izaya waved, and watched as the young actor pulled out of the place and left, starting up his acting career again after a long hiatus. The pale man looked down at his ticket once again, smiling. He cocked his head backwards and let out a loud laugh, tumbling backwards into the door, and then slidding down it as he went into a laughing fit.

After calming down, Izaya stared at the time on his ticket, and then pulled out his phone. The smile on his lips was stuck there as he dialed a number, waiting for the person on the other line to pick up.

"_Narita Airport, How may I help you?"_

"Hello, I was wondering if there was a chance of me purchasing another ticket for the flight at 5:30 this morning?"

Maybe.. Just maybe, this wasn't going to be hard for him to leave at all. He would just have to hope that the city would forgive him for taking such a precious souvenir with him.

"If you wanna say goodbye to everything..."Izaya blinked, looking up as if he'd see the blond standing behind him after hearing that. He cocked his head, knowing he had heard Shizuo's voice only a moment ago. "I can say goodbye too." Izaya's mouth dropped slightly as his lips curved up a bit. He knew that voice, and he knew exactly what it was telling him.

Only a moment later did he hear a much more chipper voice jump in, his mind displaying an image of what the voices were displaying for him. He could picture the boy smiling, his cheeks with a slight blush as he rocked back and forth on his heels. "And I could be right here empty with you, Izzy!"

"Empty with you, Eh?" Izaya breathed as he pictured the duo smiling and happy. Izaya smiled, closing his eyes after finishing his phone call and putting it away. He let his head roll back against the door as his lips spread across his face, his heart fluttering. "I could be empty with you, Shizuo..."

* * *

**A/N: **Why is this such a short finisher...? OTL This is technically the last chapter to this story, but THERE WILL BE **ONE MORE UPDATE.** That update will be the epilogue, which appears to be the "Izaya Swimming" one.

I also promised **_Chasurozu _** that I would leave a note here, because I love their stories, and they never update, and you all should go read them because I want an update and I think if you guys bother them enough, lovely updates will happen and I can be happy ;3; ilovethem...

I'll take this time to say that I absolutely love each and every single one of you guys, and that I am so grateful that you all took the time to read this story. I probably never would've gotten passed chapter 4 if it hadn't have been for all the reviews and alerts and favorites I received, and I'm truly grateful that.

**_On another note.._**

So, I purposely left out juicy details in the smut in this chapter, because I wanted it to have the "I love you" sappy, emotion with it, and I couldn't really keep that feeling while discussing their every movement, so I hope you'll forgive me for that.

Don't worry, the Epilogue will have plenty of juicy details.

_Replies to Reviews:_

_CgB: I'm glad you were looking forward to this, and I'm so glad that you stuck with this story ;A; I love you so much. I hope the smut wasn't too big of a let down .w. I'm glad you would've bothered me, because I need someone to harp on me about finishing my stories x'D_

_Naoki: Thank you :'3 I'm glad you'v enjoyed this fic. _

_Remi: Thank you C: I'm stoked for this fic to be over actually. I hope this ending meets that happy ending._

_Rai Rai Blue: -sniffle- I'm sorry for the late update xD I hope you enjoyed this :D And it appears that I'll be writing the Izaya learning to swim one~!._

And with this, I say Au revoir until the next update!


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